"But you didn't snitch him out." It wasn't worded as a question, but kept my fingers crossed so tightly they hurt. She didn't answer. Then I remembered. "Now the million dollar offer is off the table. The magazine withdrew the prize offer." She bit her lip but didn't acknowledge what I said. She continued.
"We began to have fun together. He loved Molly and she thinks the world of him. He's good for her too. She opens up for him; more than any other stranger. I missed him when he wasn't around. I looked forward to weekends when he'd come back down to Boston and we'd get together. He got us moved to a nicer place; a safer location. We were really good together, he and I . . . not just that way; I could talk to him. He's so generous; there's nothing he wouldn't do for us."
"But you don't love him."
"Don't say that, Ben!"
"Do you?"
"I really care for Howie. I could spend the rest of my life with him. He wants to marry me." I looked at her. "Do you want me to say it, Ben? Say I love Howie Abbott? Okay, I love Howie Abbott and I'm going to marry him. So there! Happy? And I'll be a faithful wife and he'll be the happiest guy in Keene. So; is that enough?"
"You tell me. Is it?"
"Yes. It's enough for me, and Molly."
"Does Molly know?" She shook her head no. "She'll find out. Then what will you do?"
"I don't know, Ben. I don't know anything except we'll be good for him; we're what he needs, badly. I've done some real shitty things, just to keep Molly; things I'm not proud of, but I'll do anything for her. She's my life. With Howie, it's different. I'm good for him too. He was really screwed up last spring. He's much better now and it's not just the shrink he's seeing. We're good for him. He needs us."
I stood. "So what's the problem?" She shook her head and began to cry once more. "Why are you telling me this now? It's not as if you just learned it?"
"I don't know," she sobbed. "It's just . . . so confusing. My mind's like mush over it."
This time, I spoke up. "You can't go on pretending to Howie you don't know what's going on. Nor can he not tell you what an incredibly important part of his life his work is. Somehow, you two have to be honest with one another, regardless of the outcome."
"Just tell me what to do," she begged. "I'll do anything!"
"He'll have to trust you to maintain absolute secrecy. There's no question he'll walk away from what he's doing if it becomes public. It would kill him to do so but it means his life, Julie. Not just rhetorically, but for real. People out there want to kill someone with Howie's ability. They are a serious threat to him. They would torture and murder any of us who might lead them to him. They have already killed innocent people."