"You've known this for months but not mentioned it to him? What did you plan to do?" Julie bit her lip but didn't answer. "It was the million dollars, wasn't it?"
"God, Ben, you think I'm some kind of conniving bitch! It wasn't like that!"
In spite of the disaster of her revelation, a wave of relief passed over me. It was over. Howie would toss in towel once he learned he'd been deceived by this woman, his first love. He'd be devastated. We'd go back to god knows what; a life normal people live.
Julie waited for me to say something. For a long time, I just looked at her until she commenced to cry again.
"Then tell me, Julie; what was it like?"
"When I first met Howie in class I thought he was just this lonely guy but he seemed nice and we had coffee a time of two. He got up the courage and asked me out but when I begged off he acted so devastated I felt like a heel. So a week or two later, I asked him out . . . dinner at my place. With Molly, it's not easy to get a babysitter. He brought wine and we had an okay time. He offered to buy the food if I cooked the next week, I agreed. He bought a ton of stuff."
"So you slept with him."
"Don't make me sound like a whore for a bag of groceries, Ben! I'm on my own with a child, trying to make ends meet, the best I can. Okay, it wasn't exactly true love but Howie's a nice guy and I would have let him do it even if he wasn't so generous. That's what people do. Besides, it was back then, when I was just getting to know him."
"Then you learned the truth when he talked in his sleep."
"Yeah." She looked up, her eyes pleading for understanding. "I knew right off what he was babbling about. It was a million bucks they were talking about." She knew my feelings by the look on my face. "A fucking million bucks, Ben! There was no way in a dozen lifetimes I'd ever get a sniff at a tenth of that much money!"
"So you stayed with Howie so you could. . ."
"I could provide for Molly . . . maybe get an education for both of us; I'm not as smart as Molly but I'm not stupid. I've just been paddling to keep my head above water my whole life long and sinking down further with every stroke. We we're in this shitty little apartment with drugies down the block. I had to drop out of the one class I was taking where I met Howie because I couldn't come up with the measly tuition. Do you think I could afford dresses like this? Sure, I knew what I was considering was contemptible but I figured all I was doing was identifying him; not stopping the good stuff he was doing . . . what all you guys, were doing up here."