Relief crashes through me. “Oh, thank God.”
I step inside. Brit follows, waiting awkwardly just inside the living area. That’s when I realize what she just said. “Why didn’t you tell him?” I ask her, confused.
She bites her lip, looking away. “I figured what I heard was private. It wasn’t my place to say anything.”
“But…I don’t understand.” I stare at her, my mind racing to make sense of this. “Why aren’t you mad at me? I thought you’d hate me now for sure.”
All this time, I’ve been imagining their reactions. Brit’s anger. Hunter’s confusion and betrayal. I’ve been ducking calls, too humiliated to listen to their voicemails. But all this time, she kept my secret for me?
Brit lets out a sigh. “Was I angry you’d been secretly lusting after Hunter? Yes.” She gives me a shrewd look. “At first, anyway, but then I thought about it, and I realized, you never did anything wrong. I mean, other girls would have been bad-mouthing me any chance they got, sneaking around to try and break us up, but you never said a thing. You’ve only ever been nice to me, to both of us. Why?” she asks me, looking about as confused as I’m feeling right now. “If you love him, why didn’t you ever do anything about it?”
“Because I was scared,” I admit in a quiet voice. “I was waiting for him to wake up and realize I was right there. But then you came along, and, well, I like you. And he loves you, more than anything. I would never do anything to jeopardize his happiness.”
Brit rolls her eyes, trying to act tough, but there’s a smile tugging at her lips. “See, this would be so much easier if you were a back-stabbing bitch.”
“And it would have been miles simpler if you were some shallow vapid girl I could feel fine about hating,” I add.
Brit laughs, and then steps forwards to give me a hug. “I’m sorry,” she says, squeezing me tightly.
I tense, still confused. “You don’t have anything to be sorry about!”
“I’m sorry you got hurt,” Brit pulls back. “It can’t have been easy for you, watching us together. And the wedding, I can’t believe I was so insensitive…”
“I wouldn’t have missed it, even if I’d known,” I tell her with a sigh. “Hunter’s one of my dearest friends in the world. I want to see him happy.”
“Is that why Dex flipped out?” Brit asks carefully.
My heart aches. “Yes. But, it wasn’t just that. He opened up and let me in, but I was still clinging to the past.”“And now?” Brit looks at me carefully. “What’s going on with you?”
I take a deep breath. “The thing with Hunter is over,” I tell her determinedly. “If you could ever call it a thing to begin with. Watching you both exchange your vows, I was finally able to let him go. He was never real to me,” I add, feeling embarrassed. “I was so foolish, it was all just a dream.”
“Loving someone is never foolish,” Brit answers quietly, giving me a smile. “I’m just sorry you couldn’t work things out with Dex. You deserve to be happy,” she says.
I blink back a sudden rush of tears. Brit has mellowed so much, even in the time that I’ve known her. She used to be so spiky and defensive, but the woman in front of me now is calm and warm, looking at me with sympathy in her eyes, not hostility. “Thank you,” I mumble, self-consciously. “I hope we can still be friends now.”
“Are you kidding?” Brit exclaims, “Of course, don’t be ridiculous. You’re practically part of the family now. We want you to hang out anytime.”
“Maybe not right away,” I reply. “I mean, it’s still kind of weird for me. But in time, I’ll definitely be around.”
“Good,” Brit grins, hugging me again. “Because Carina is already talking about fixing you up with someone, and I don’t know how much longer I can hold her off.”
I laugh along and see Brit out, but as I close the door behind her and rush to get ready for work, her words sink through me like a rock. Fix me up with someone new? I’m still heartsick over losing Dex, I can’t imagine going on a date with anybody else. Sitting over drinks and dinner, making small-talk when all I want is to be wrapped in his arms…?
I’m doing it again, I realize with an ache. Fixated on somebody I can never have. But this time it’s different to Hunter, so much worse.
Because with Dex, I know exactly what I’m missing out on; I know the intimacy, the laughter, the breathless, stomach-clenching passion.
And I know nobody will ever be the same.
**
When I arrive at the office, Jacob is already in meltdown, screaming at some poor design assistant in his office while everyone looks the other way and pretends like it’s not happening. I’m about to go interrupt when the intern flees in tears.
I sigh, heading to my office instead. I’ve got mountains of paperwork to review, but instead of enjoying the work like usual, I find myself staring at the numbers, distracted and remote. It’s hard to get excited about accounting projections when the man behind the company is being such an ass, but more than that, I feel strangely restless.
I click through the search engine again, back to that paparazzi photo of Dex leaving the restaurant.
God, just the sight of him in a blurry picture makes my chest ache. He’s wearing his usual uniform of a black T-shirt and jeans, and his leather jacket, looking too good. I know how that leather feels, draped around my shoulders. I know how his hand feels, intertwined with mine.