The more we got to know each other the more fear came. I was falling for him, have loved him from the start but I was not telling him that. I didn't want to get his hopes up and have to break each of our hearts when all we could do is chat online. I had to just stay friends so that I wouldn't feel guilty. I didn't want to leave a relationship to be with someone else. If I were to leave it would be for anything but. With all this said to him, he gave up trying. He was hurt and not understanding reality.
The last time I told him " I love you as a friend and we can only be friends" was the last time I saw him for weeks. I missed him. It was quite evident something was wrong with me, everyone asked including my so called boyfriend.
Then a miracle happened. We did catch up with each other, chatted for hours on video but this time when we said good night, I told him I love him and that I have from the beginning telling him why again. From that day forward we spoke every day. Meeting before he went to work, which meant that I stayed up til 2am to wait for him to come online until he went to work. During his breaks at work, which meant I had to wake up at 5 am, 730 am and again at 10am. After work was a no no since his wife was at home except Fridays, he got off at noon his time which was 7am my time. I sacraficed sleep to be with him and it was worth every moment.