With both in a relationship with someone else at the time getting together was minimal. Once a week for a couple of hours plus sending a few offline messages to each other since he was five hours later than me. By the time I got home from work he was off to bed. I got lucky a few times when I stayed up later which he was about to leave for work. We had 15 minutes to chat.
During these long times before chatting, thoughts came to mind. Why is he not trying to contact me more, he says he loves me all the time expecting it back but all I could say is "I love you as a friend." I felt I had pushed him away. Finding out later, that was the fact. I was pushing him away. He wanted more, he wanted to meet in person. I would tell him it was impossible. Being tied down to someone else even though both relationships were long over and both of us each slept on the couch. Each having our own reasons to be living in the situation we were in. I couldn't leave my family, my kids. I couldn't leave my mother who is up there in age. He couldn't leave his job, the comfort of driving and his family and kids. It was impossible to be together. Neither of us didn't have enough to live on let alone enough to buy plane fare.