"She is not recovering as quickly as she should," she said.
"It's the loss of the bairn," Granny Moira said. "It's broken her heart. What she needs is another planted in her."
"Nay! She is not strong enough! If only she would eat!"
The second week of October, a storm moved through the mountains, and the temperature dropped to refreshing coolness. When the rain ended I sat on the porch wrapped in my cloak, inhaling the dry air. The leaves had changed, their vivid colors contrasting with the blue of the sky. I began to think of Brianag. The Harvest ball was approaching.
Now that my child was gone, I must no longer be in exile, and I could return home.
Perhaps at Brianag, where I would take more exercise, I would be hungry. I would be glad to ride through the fields again. I would be so happy to play pall mall on the lawn. I wanted to be held in Catherine's arms, to see my brother Kevin, to breathe in the peace and comfort of Brianag. The desire to return to Brianag compelled me to live, to grow stronger. My only wish was to go home.
As we took our supper in the cabin, a stew that Rabbit had cooked in the fireplace, I finally spoke to Robbie.
"Robbie," I said, turning my spoon over in the bowl, "I want to go home now."
He wiped his mouth and put down the napkin. "Yes, lass, I know that you do."
"I am strong enough now, to ride," I said. "We need not travel as we did before.
Riding, we could be home in a matter of three days."
"You are in no way strong enough for such a journey. In any case, I fear that Hamish will not allow it," he said. "He wants every man here to protect the place."
"There has been no trouble of late." I took a breath. "I do not require Hamish's consent. I have already made up my mind. If you will not take me home, I will travel with the post to Fort Christopher and request that soldiers escort me the remainder of the way."
He stared at me, speechless for the first time in my memory. His face was pale. He finally said, "Have you taken leave of your senses?"
I looked back at him steadily. "Perhaps I have," I said; "nonetheless, I shall go home."
He let out his breath; his color returned, and he leaned back slightly in his chair. "So, being my wife was only part of what you wanted when you seduced me," he said.