My memory grew clear again; I did not feel so muddled. I learned that it had been nearly a month since I had received my father's letter; I realized that I had indeed been very near death. I told myself that it was my fault my bairn had died; if I had not seduced Robbie against his will and defied my parents, I would not have been suffering as I was. I could not bring myself to think of my mother.
Another week passed; the weather was very hot and the room dank with the smell of sweat, but still at times I shivered. I was finally able to drink small amounts of tea and broth without retching. I was still exceedingly weak and had to be carried from the bed to a chair. Robbie brought me wild grapes and I sucked the juice from them; he carried me out onto the porch in the afternoons hoping for of a breath of air. Each day my strength grew.
At last, I was able to walk about the room, holding onto the furniture; soon I was ready to dress and sit at the table for supper.
My clothes were too large. I was pitifully thin and pale. Though everyone else was dressed for hot weather, Rabbit carried a shawl about to put over me when I felt a chill. I knew that I should take more nourishment than broth and tea; but still I had no real appetite. Rabbit coaxed me to drink a little buttermilk. She stayed with me constantly; in the afternoons, on their way back from swimming, the McDonald girls came to sit with me on the cabin porch. Robbie took suppers with me at the cabin; I was still too weak for the walk to the main house, and I could not bear to see the babies.
I learned that Robbie had slept in the cabin throughout my illness; now he moved back to the men's house. I did not care. I no longer wished for him to sleep in my bed with me; I no longer wished for him to hold me, to kiss me, to make love to me. I had been no more to him than any other woman he had ever lain with. I had been his whore, in spite of our marriage; but I would not do so again. Every night as I lay down to sleep I told God that I willingly accepted my punishment, and prayed for forgiveness.
Granny Moira and Eleanor brought eggnog and cake to me, and wine, which I knew someone had traveled to Camden to obtain for me. To please them, I nibbled and sipped, but I did not really want it. Though I grew stronger, and took daily walks down the path to the waterfall, holding onto Rabbit and Mary Ellen, I remained thin. I heard Eleanor speaking through the window one afternoon.