For the first time since my illness I felt anger rise in me; but I pushed it back down and looked down at my plate. I would not quarrel with him. I knew that he had married me only because I had carried his bairn in me; I knew that he would never have married me otherwise. I breathed a long breath and spoke carefully.
"I know now that I was wrong to seduce you," I said quietly. "The loss of my bairn is my atonement. I have asked for forgiveness; I must have faith that I am indeed forgivenby God, a least! Now there is nothing to prevent us returning to Brianag. The Harvest ball is in a fortnight. Would you truly stay away? We must go home to Brianag, Robbie. It is where we belong."
He almost growled at me. "I belong to the McDonald clan," he said.
"Ach, aye! The wild and rough McDonald clan!" I mocked him. "Up in the back country they are, where a young gentleman can dance to his heart's content, and never pay the fiddler! It is in the lowcountry where he must grow up and behave as a gentleman should, and shoulder his responsibilities!" I sighed, my brief passion spent. "I shall go home, Robbie. I have no other desire."
Robbie rose swiftly from his chair. "I shall retire now, madam," he said, and his voice was shaking. "Good night." He took his hat from the peg and started out the door.
I called after him softly. "The post comes in three days time. I shall be ready to depart with it."
He slammed the cabin door and ran down the steps. Rabbit came in and helped me to bed.
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The next morning I rose with the resolve to regain my strength completely. Rabbit brought me buttermilk, cold from the springhouse, and eggs still warm from the nest, which she cooked in the shell and scooped into a bowl. I could not eat it all at once, but took small amounts frequently. I walked down to the pond and back to the cabin, taking Rabbit's arm when I felt weak.
I sat on the bed as Rabbit began to pack everything that Mrs. Randall had given me into the trunks again, keeping only a change of linen to carry in my saddlebags. I would wear Catherine's old riding habit, which had been included in the things I had brought.
Rabbit would carry her things in a sack. Her shoes were still good; our hats were adequate.