“Let’s go home now,” she told me. Danny, Kieran, Liam, Tommy, and Earnshaw all sat waiting for me. Not only had they been there today but they waited while I vented my rage in case I needed them. That was family for you.
Chapter 19
Bruises fade, torn skin scabs and heals, but hate festers. When left unchecked, it festers deep in the pit of your soul. My hatred for Frank had been festering for a long fucking time. There are many things in this world I’d do for Em but I didn’t think that letting go of that hate would be one of them.
This arsehole had wronged my girl in the worst fucking way. I could maybe have lived with justice. Maybe. But when there was no justice, all I had was fucking vengeance. My brand of vengeance might even kill. Only I wasn’t sure that death would be justice either. All I knew was that I had to be the one to deliver it.
For the most part, I pretended that things were going back to normal. Em had gone back to school which I fucking hated. I’d grown used to having her with me when I trained, and like I told her before, I was needy. I trained like an absolute fucking demon. God help Rico Temple if I got to him before Frank because no motherfucker wanted to be the vessel for my rage at the moment.
There wasn’t enough training that Danny could throw my way that would curb my appetite for violence. I was hungry for it in the worst possible way. Danny had that look in his eyes that said he was worried I was going into the ring half-cocked again. But this time anger hadn’t made me stupid. It motivated me to shape my body into the most lethal killing machine I could so that, when the time was right, I’d be ready. Frank had already sealed his fate. He just didn’t know it.
Just over a week since the trial had gone by. I was nine hours into training, when Danny had hung his head in despair and sent me on a run. No matter what he threw at me, it wasn’t enough to slow me down. It wasn’t so much that I was pushing myself too hard, but what fueled me that pissed him off. Kieran arrived just as I was leaving but Danny barked at him to get his arse into the office before I could do little more than say hi. The only thing I struggled with, the only pull on my conscience, was that voice in the back of my mind telling me that Em wouldn’t want me to follow through with this. That voice was probably the reason why I found myself outside St. Paul’s. The church was empty but Father Pat was tidying up hymn books as I let the door close behind me with a bang.
“Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, Cormac. Do you have to sneak up on an old man like that?” he said.
“Sorry, Father. D’you have a minute to talk about some stuff?” I asked him.
“Does this talk come before or after you’ve lost your temper?” he asked.
“Both,” I replied immediately.
“Ah. It’s permission and forgiveness you’ll be wanting then. You best come into the back for a cup of tea. Bolt those doors behind you would you? I thought they were locked already. That’s why you scared me.” He didn’t wait for a reply but shuffled into the vestry to boil the kettle. After bolting the door, I joined him.
“Well then,” he said, as I sat down and fiddled with my cross absentmindedly. “What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“Did you hear? Frank, Emily’s stepfather, got away with everything.”
“Aye, I heard. Terrible business it was. How’s your lovely lady doing?”
“She’s doing her best to move on. The therapy’s helping with that. She’s a lot sadder than she used to be. More cautious. But every day that goes by, she seems better.”
“And you?” he asked me.
“I’m struggling with something, but if I talk to you ’bout it, you can’t go to Danny or Em, right?” I asked him.
“Well, technically this isn’t confession, son, but if you’re telling me in confidence, it stays between us.”
Satisfied that it wouldn’t go anywhere, I unloaded my dilemma. “I can’t let go of what happened. As long as Frank is walking around a free man, Em will never feel safe, and it’s eating me up inside when I think of what he did to her. I want to end him. I want to crush the life out of him and make him scream like he did to Em.”
“But?” Father Pat said. Honestly I expected more of a reaction when admitting to wanting to kill a man to my parish priest.
“But if I follow through with this, either I get locked up, which takes me away from Em, or I do something she won’t be able to live with. So what do you think?” I asked him.
“Romans chapter twelve, verse nineteen,” he said, placing mugs of tea in front of us both.
“Huh?”
“‘Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine,” I will repay, says the Lord.’” I laughed because I knew his answer would be along those lines.
“Doesn’t it also say ‘an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth’?” I asked him.
“Ohh, I love me a good Bible debate. Custard cream?” he offered, holding out a plate.
“No, thank you,” I answered, automatically turning down anything that would have Danny smacking me over the back of my head if he could see.
“Father, I’m pretty sure I’ve never ever been in a debate with anyone. If I have a disagreement with someone, and they start winning ’cause they’re smarter me, I usually just punch them and end the argument,” I told him.
“I see. And that works with your wife, does it?” he asked me, chuckling as he dunked his fourth biscuit in his tea.
“There’s never an argument. Em’s always right. Even when she’s wrong.”
“That, my son, is why you will have a long and happy marriage.”
“There’s no right or wrong answer here, is there?” I asked.
“Of course there is, Con. You just don’t want to see it,” he replied.
“If I do nothing and he ever touches her again, I couldn’t live with myself, and I can’t live with her being afraid and always looking over her shoulder either. If I go to prison or she hates me for what I’ve done, isn’t that a price worth paying to keep her safe?”
“Cormac, there comes a time in any man’s life where he has to choose what kind of man he will be. When he reaches that line between good and evil. For some men, they cross the line a fraction then make a series of decisions that takes them farther and farther, until one day they are so far from the line they don’t even know where it is anymore. For other men, it’s one great big jump they knowingly make. One thing I do know though, is that once you cross, it’s nearly impossible to cross back.”