"Now?" I ask. Before I see if Sawyer is serious about kissing me later? I feel like a teen who's never had a boyfriend. Why does the idea of him holding me excite me so much?
"Yeah."
"Oh. Well, I need to say goodbye to Sawyer. Captain Mathis. I mean, the kids," I stammer. "Just the kids."
Petr's eyebrow rises. He considers me for a minute. "The guys are coming by Saturday before they ship out."
Ship out. Any excitement I experience about seeing Captain Mathis dissipates instantly. It's not possible for me to forget who and what he is, but for a short while … I don't know. I forgot that his reality is so far different from mine. Maybe I really am not thinking straight. I've never considered dating someone who spends his life overseas. I don't even know if there's anything between us that would survive a deployment, considering we know nothing about one another. I lost track of my own brothers when they were gone. How can two people who barely know one another even consider something like this?
How can I see this as anything other than what it is: a potential one-night stand, however incredible it might be? He's got to resent me for how I've acted towards him, even if he does want to sleep with me.
You're an idiot, Katya.
"Never mind," I murmur. "Let me grab my purse and I'll go out front."
"I'll walk with you."
My spirits are sinking. They shouldn't be. I came here determined to hate Captain Mathis and am leaving doubting everything from why I bothered to come to the camp in the first place to who I should really blame for Mikael's death.
"Captain Mathis won't have a partner," I murmur. He's more than capable of taking care of the kids on his own, but I kind of want to stay. And run. And cry because I'm so freaking confused.
"Harris is leaving this morning," Petr says. "We'll combine the two teams."
"Harris?" I echo.
"Family emergency or something."
Petr isn't usually vague or moody like he is now. I'm not sure what's wrong with him.
"Your leg okay?" I ask.
"Great! Can't wait to tell the doc how many of his rules I broke."
"Petr!"
He grins, his dark mood vanishing. He's not usually clingy either. He doesn't leave my side, even following me into my room. I'd normally yell at him, but I appreciate the company this morning. I'm feeling hollow again. He walks me through the dorm, where the kids are still sleeping, and along the trail leading to the front of camp.