I knew that if I told the boys there’s no way they wouldn’t tell Royal. Just the thought of him reading it over a text or hearing it in a voicemail breaks my heart. He needs to be here. He needs to see her with his own eyes.
This little angel is life changing. As much as it hurts me not to have Royal here, I need him to come back on his own. I need him to be ready to be in his daughter’s life, whether that includes me or not. He’s got a lot going on in his head. Only he can choose to let go.
I just don’t know how much longer I can hold out on telling him about her, or how much longer I can have hope that we will be together again. There has to be a time that I allow myself to move on with my life.
“One more month,” I whisper to myself. “Just one more month.”
The tears fall harder, because honestly . . . I’ve been saying the same thing for the last four months now. Those words haven’t done shit to make him appear in front of me and into Kylie’s life.
“Hey girls! I’m starving.” My uncle walks through the kitchen, still dressed in his uniform, and kisses Kylie on the forehead. “Is this for me?” He teases Kylie while grabbing her spoon and pretending to eat her food.
I quickly wipe my face off on my shirt, before he has a chance to look at me. “Hey, Uncle Mark. I’m just pulling the food out of the oven now.” I walk over to the oven and pull out the lasagna. “How was work?”
He stops teasing Kylie long enough to pull out the chair beside her. “Unfortunately, it’s not over yet. Some teen punks keep causing trouble in the parking lots of the convenience stores around town. Been getting a new call about those kids about every hour. Let’s just say they’re lucky they can run fast.”
“Gotcha,” I say with a laugh. “Hey . . . just look at it his way: old men need exercise too. Don’t be too mad.” I look up to see him giving me a dark look.
“Watch it, young lady.” He turns to Kylie and pokes her nose. “Uncle Mark isn’t old. Right, baby girl?”
She shakes her head and then points at me, as if to say that I’m the old one.
“I sure feel that way, baby girl.” Pulling out a chair, I take a seat across from Mark and start making my plate.
“Any word from . . . you know . . .”
I shake my head, but keep my eyes on my plate, afraid to let Mark see how much it still hurts me. “Not a thing. Even the boys are starting to worry about him. I’m not liking it one bit.” I look up from my plate. “What if something happened to him?”
Mark shakes his head and forces a smile. “Nah . . . Royal can hold his own. Not many men are capable of taking him down. I’d worry more about him getting in trouble with the law than anything else.”
“Yeah, I suppose.”
Mark stops eating and reaches over to place his hand on mine. “Hey . . .” I look up. “Everything will work out like it’s supposed to in the end. For now you just continue to focus on yourself and that little girl. You’re everything to her. Got it? Just be patient. After Olivia passed away, Royal left once he got released from jail. No one saw or heard from him for six damn months. He has a lot to work through.”
I clear my throat and quickly wipe my wet face off. “Yeah . . . I didn’t know that. Didn’t realize that he left for that long before.”
“He’s had a rough life, Ava. I don’t blame him for being caught up in his head right now.” He clears his throat and smiles over at Kylie as she pokes his arm with her spoon. “Eat. You’re looking too thin. Don’t let stress overpower everything else good in your life.”
I nod my head and eat in silence, letting his words sink in. All there’s left to do now is to be strong for Kylie. That’s what I intend to do . . . with or without Royal.
We eat dinner and clean up, just in time for Mark to get called out to check on those teenage kids again. It’s late and the little one is getting tired.
Kylie is cuddled up in my arms on the couch and her favorite cartoon is playing on the TV, making her force her eyes to stay open. It’s a losing battle. She’ll be out in less than five minutes now.
“Hey,” Madison whispers, as she walks in the front door. She nods down at Kylie wrapped in her blanket, fluttering her eyes. “Someone looks like they had a long day.”
I rub the top of Kylie’s head and smile. “A very long one,” I say softly. “This little booger has more energy than anyone I’ve met in my life. She’s special.”
Madison tilts her head and smiles down at her. “That she is . . .” Quietly, she walks over and takes a seat beside me on the couch. “You doing okay, babe?”
I pull Kylie in tighter as she squeezes my arm in her sleep. “Yeah . . . I think so. It’s still hard, but I think time will help. This little angel keeps me busy.”
“I’m sorry,” Madison says in a soft voice. “You love Royal and I know you’re hurting really bad right now. I can see it in your everyday activity. You can’t hide it from me, sweets.” She leans in and kisses the side of my head. “Just know that I’m always here for you. Kylie is too.”
“I know.” I watch as Madison stands up from the couch. “You going out again tonight?”
She shakes her head. “No, ma’am. I’m exhausted. I hate to admit that there’s no way I’ll be able to keep up with Blaine tonight.” She lifts her brows and smiles. “I’m choosing to stay away from him so I won’t have to. Night, babe.”
“Night . . .”
Being careful not to wake Kylie, I stand up and carry her to my bed, before changing into a pair of shorts and a tank top, and crawling into my warm bed beside her.
I lay here, holding her for the longest time, not able to fall asleep, so I just close my eyes and listen to the steady rhythm of her breathing. I find that it somehow calms me at night. It’s about the only thing that keeps me sane in the middle of the night when I’m lonely and missing him.
Picking up my phone with my free hand, I send a goodnight text to Royal like I do every night, before placing my phone back on the bed beside me, and snuggling Kylie tightly in my arms.
“I love you, baby girl,” I whisper. “You’re the most precious thing in my life.” I kiss the side of her head, before snuggling up close behind her and closing my eyes. She’s so soft and warm in my arms, making me feel warm inside.