You give me peace when I feel that it’s all lost . . .
I’VE BEEN WAITING ON BAXTON for the last twenty minutes, and I’m beginning to grow impatient as fuck. I can’t be here for one second longer without losing my shit.
Four months is way too damn long. This place has kept me from the one place I want to be and I despise myself for ending up here in the first place.
Pulling out a cigarette, I light it, and start walking down the dirt path in hopes of meeting up with Baxton along the way.
He was with me that night at the bar when I landed my ass in this shitty, small town jail. He watched from the background as I beat the shit out of that no good, redneck, woman abuser. If it weren’t for him stopping me at the end, that guy would be dead, but he’s known me for years and knows how much I’ve been through after losing Olivia.
I wouldn’t have cared at that moment either. My head was still filled with rage and fucked up thoughts. His face was the stress reliever that I needed at the time, and I took it further than I should have.
Being behind bars has given me time to truly clear my head and realize what’s most important to me: Avalon.
Not a day has gone by that my chest hasn’t ached to get back to her. Thinking about getting to her had me pointlessly trying to rip the fucking bars off of my cell. All it did was fill me with more rage and want to choke whichever guard came to check on me first.
I’m out now, and there is nothing that is going to fucking keep me from getting to her. I know that I have a lot of apologizing to do and a lot to make up for, but I’m willing to do everything in my power to show her how much I love her.
That woman is my fucking life and I’m willing to give mine to her. I’m ready.
Looking up, I toss my cigarette aside when I hear an old beat up truck coming around the corner.
I would know the sound of that old thing from anywhere. He’s had it since back when we were just teenagers.
“About fucking time,” I mumble.
Baxton pokes his head out of the window and slaps his truck when he sees me walking up. “Damn dude . . . what the fuck were they feeding you in there? You’re a fucking beast. Get your crazy ass in here.”
Opening the passenger side door, I jump into his old piece of shit and slam the door shut behind me. “I’ve had a lot of frustration to work out. What the fuck took you so long, dick?”
“Is my ass ever on time?”
I run my hand over my face and hold my hand out. “Give me your phone.”
Reaching between his legs, he grabs his phone and tosses it at me, before taking off in a hurry, squealing his damn tires. “I got your truck and shit at my house. It’s gassed up and ready to hit the road, man.”
I look up from dialing Jax’s number. “Appreciated, brother.”
Jax answers his phone on the second ring.
“Yeah,” he responds. “Make this shit quick because I got shit to do, Bax.”
“What the fuck shit do you have to do?” I say with a small smile, happy as fuck to hear his voice.
It’s silent for a moment, before I hear him walking through a crowd of people. “Fucking Royal. Fucking shit.” He slams a door shut, which I’m assuming is my office door at Savage. “You have us all worrying and shit. What the fuck are you doing there with Bax?”
“It’s a long story. Bax just picked me up from the county jail and I’m heading to my truck now.”
“Why the fuck didn’t you call one of us and let us know?” He asks, pissed as fuck. I don’t blame him. I’d be pissed too if it were him or Blaine.
I let out a long breath and lean my head back against the seat. “I needed time to clear my head. Didn’t need you guys trying to show up and visit; especially Avalon.”
“You’re damn straight my ass would’ve been there. Glad your ass is still alive. Shit.”
“I know you would have.” I pull the phone away and rub my fingers over my eyes, dreading this last part. “Is Avalon still around?”
“Yeah . . .” He pauses for a second. “She’s around. She’s been rough, but she’s pulling through. Things have changed, man.”
Feeling stressed, I pull out another cigarette and take a long drag, before slowly blowing the smoke out. “How’s that?”
“I think it’s best if you just see for yourself.”
“Don’t fuck with me, Jax.” I growl. “Is she back with my brother?”
“No,” he responds instantly. “That girl is madly in love with you; even after all this time. It’s bigger than that. Just get your ass back here, and fast.”
“Dammit,” I hiss. “Don’t tell anyone I’m on my way. Got it. Not even her.”
“Yeah, man. Got it.”
I pull the phone away from my ear and disconnect the call.
My heart is racing at the different ideas running through my head. I need to get my ass home and fast.
“Step on it . . .”
I just hope it’s not too late. I’m not sure I can handle losing her . . .
UNABLE TO SLEEP, I MAKE my way outside to the front porch and lean over the railing, closing my eyes as I inhale a deep breath and slowly release it.
It’s nearly four 0’clock in the morning and extremely cold out here, but I somehow feel as if being out here is where I need to be at the moment. It helps me think straight and get away from the noise inside when we have a house full, which seems to be often since Kylie has come home with me.
Since waking up an hour ago, my heart has been telling me that something big is about to happen, and no matter how hard I try I can’t shake the feeling. It’s so fucking scary.
Shivering, I pull my sweater tighter around me and look out at the dark, lonely street. The only light is from a few houses that have their porch lights on.
The more I look around me, taking in the lonely scenery, and letting everything fall into place in my head, I feel an overwhelming sadness take over and begin to lose all hope.
“Why won’t you just come back?” I cry to myself, while running my hand over my face with my free hand. “Your daughter is the most precious thing in this world. I want you to meet her, Royal.”
Choking on a sob, I cover my mouth and try my best to stay quiet. “Seeing her beautiful smile every morning numbs all the sadness in the world. I want you to experience that feeling. I want you to know that you have a reason to live. I’m sorry that I wasn’t enough for you, but maybe she will be. Just maybe . . .”