"Just me, doc. The feotus has no father, just a fucking sperm donor. Please, proceed." The doctor saw the resolution on my face, took a deep breath before saying what was next.
"I'm sorry to inform you... it is an ectopic pregnancy. The feotus is not going to make it, and we should have it removed from your body before it endangers you..."
I stared at the doctor, unable to believe what I had just heard.
Just how low more can I get? When I thought that I had hit the ground, I was still falling. And gathering momentum so fast, so alarming... Anything that would break my fall would shatter me to pieces.
What is my place in this world?
You don't miss what you don't care about.
I consented to the surgery, and silently cursed Ingmar that his curse indeed came true. We had past the point of no turning back, I saw it crystal clear that he was not the kind of man that I want in my life.
Although outwardly rational, I couldn't control the devastation in my heart. I had already started to miss the little heartbeat inside of me.
I'm sorry. Mumm... I mean, I, tried to protect you and looking forward to meet you. Perhaps it just wasn't meant to be.
Thousands of thoughts and what-ifs and could-it-bes came to my mind. Perhaps your very short existence in the universe is for the sole purpose of helping me to get rid of Ingmar. Who am I? I made so much mistakes and my body, heart and soul are full of hurts and wounds that keep breaking open and would not heal. Even if I were to heal, I am dirty, imperfect and the scars will follow me all the days of my life. What if you weren't ectopic? You and I could have a great time together. We can live in the world that we design. Why were you ectopic? I froze at the thought... the morning-after pill?!