I didn’t say goodbye. I hurried straight for the front door, hearing Aidan’s curse behind me. And I was almost completely out when his strong hand gripped my bicep, hauling me back around.
Irritation and concern mingled in his eyes as they blazed down at me. “Don’t go. I’ll tell her to leave.”
I yanked my arm out of his hold. “It’s fine.” It wasn’t, but he wasn’t the person I was really angry with. I didn’t even think Laine was. I was angry with myself. “Spend time with your friend. We’ll talk later.”
I backed up toward the elevator but Aidan followed me. “I don’t want you to go.”
“Nora …” Laine suddenly appeared in his doorway. She no longer wore her sandals and looked way too comfortable for my liking. “I’m so sorry. I’m overprotective of Aidan. We’ve known each other since we were kids. But that’s no excuse.”
Her apology made it worse. There was so much history between these two and even if it was platonic, I really was the intruder. She’d been gone a while and wanted to see her best friend only to discover him lip-locked with a younger woman he’d only recently met.
One she didn’t exactly approve of.
And even if she’d misjudged me, I got it.
Her words would not have hurt me so much if I hadn’t felt them about myself. And the only way to stop feeling that way about myself was to change my life. I knew that.
However, I hadn’t forgiven myself for Jim and until I did (if ever), I wouldn’t allow myself to have the life I wanted.
It was fucked up.
I was fucked up.
Aidan didn’t deserve to get entangled with someone who was this confused, even if it was to gain a temporary reprieve from his own pain. I would never hurt him by walking away from what we’d started here, but Laine’s interruption was timely. We needed to get to know each other better before we threw sex into the mix and took whatever was between us to a place we could never get back from in one piece.
“It’s fine,” I reassured her.
“Obviously it’s not.” She gestured to me leaving.
“Laine,” Aidan looked over his shoulder at her, sounding annoyed, “can you go back inside, please?”
She shot him a hurt look but did as he asked.
Up on my tiptoes, I pressed a kiss to the corner of his mouth in goodbye and he automatically wrapped his arms around me, keeping me there.
I smiled. “Let me go.”
He shook his head, his expression broody as hell.
It made me laugh, despite the mess of feelings I was dealing with. “I’m not running away, but you have to allow me to leave, Aidan. I overheard some not very nice things about myself and I kind of just want to go home.”
His hold on me tightened ever so slightly but then he slowly let go. “Promise me you’re not running.”
“I promise.” I touched his chest, hoping he could see my longing for him in my eyes. Stepping back, I hit the elevator button and the doors binged open immediately. “Call me?”
“Aye, of course.” He crossed his arms, disgruntled. “I’ll make this up to you.”
I nodded and got into the elevator.
Our eyes held and as the door began to close, something like desperation filled Aidan’s gaze. “Nora—”
Whatever he was going to say was cut off by the doors closing and the elevator shifting downwards.
I leaned back against it, sighing in relief to get away from the heaviness of the situation. As the elevator doors opened on the ground floor, my phone buzzed in my purse. I fumbled with it as I exited the building and wasn’t surprised to find a text from Aidan.
I don’t believe any of what she said.
Another text arrived.
You’re a fucking miracle.
And then another.
I’m not letting you go, Pixie.
Although I wasn’t sure how I wanted things to progress now with Aidan—my mind in a battle with my body—I was sure of one thing.
I texted him in reply: I don’t want you to.
After I’d gotten off the bus on Princes Street the next morning and was walking past the Waverley Train Station toward Cockburn Street, my phone rang in my purse.
Aidan.
Well, he had said he wasn’t letting me go, and I guess that meant I was only getting one night of space to deal with Laine’s attitude toward me. Really, it made me think about how other people would view our relationship—his friends, my friends. It kept me awake for a while until I remembered that I hadn’t made a habit of caring what other people thought about every decision I made so why start now? After that I fell asleep, determined I wouldn’t let Laine pick at my insecurities. So I wasn’t sophisticated or cultured and I was young. But, despite my mistakes, I wasn’t a bad person. I had a good heart, even if it had led me down the wrong paths sometimes. Moreover, I cared about people, even strangers on the street. I was intelligent and self-educated to a point. I worked hard and was a good listener, and I was mature for my age.
These were all qualities to be admired, and it was about time I started to believe in myself a little more.
I only hoped my self-administered pep talk stuck to me like glue while I was in Aidan’s world.
“Hey,” I answered, putting a finger in my other ear to block out the traffic on the road next to me.
“Just wanted to check in, make sure you’re okay.”
“I am,” I reassured him. “I’m good. You?” What I really wanted to ask was how long Laine hung around after I was gone, but I kept my jealousy to myself.
“Frustrated that our night didn’t go according to plan. We both deserved to have it.”
Part of me wanted to say there will be other nights but I didn’t want to mislead him. “You got to spend time with your friend, though.”
Aidan sighed. “Not really. I wasn’t in the greatest mood when you left so Laine went home.”
“I’m sorry.” Was it wrong that I really, really wasn’t?
“You have nothing to be sorry for. You weren’t the one who was rude.”
Oh, dear. It seemed Laine wasn’t forgiven quite yet. I was a little gleeful about that. I never knew I could be petty until I saw Laine hug Aidan possessively.
“Anyway, Sylvie’s back from Cal’s and I was thinking the three of us could have dinner tonight if you’re free?”
Relieved, I nodded, even though he couldn’t see me. “That sounds great.”
“I don’t want to chase you off, Pixie. I’m willing to take this slow if that’s what you need. Or go as fast as you like. Your call. I don’t want to rush you into anything.”
Maybe he’d sensed my fear as I got on that elevator last night, or maybe it was him being a nice guy, offering me a more normal pace. Whatever his reasoning, I was grateful. “I think we should slow it down a little.”
There was silence on the other end and I felt flutters in my stomach, wondering what that silence meant. Eventually, he said, “We’re only slowing down, though, right? Not coming to a halt?”
“Only slowing down. I …” Nearing the store, I ducked into a quiet alcove. “I’ve only ever been with Jim. I … it’s not that I don’t want to. I just … I—”
“Nora,” Aidan interrupted, his voice firm. “We go at your pace.”
“Then let’s get to know each other a little better first.”
“We can do that.”
Feeling unburdened and also amazed that I could be so honest with Aidan and have him actually listen, I grinned. “I can’t wait to see you tonight. Sylvie too.”
“Me too. Sylvie will be excited.”
“Good. I have to go or I’ll be late for work.”
“Okay, Pixie. My place again around seven? I’ll cook. Do you want me to pick you up?”
“No, if you’re busy cooking, I can get a bus.”
“Let me get you a cab.”
I rolled my eyes. “Aidan, I can get a bus.”
“A cab is safer.”
“I use the bus all the time. I’ll see you at seven.”
“Fine, but don’t … wear anything too sexy. Like yesterday.”