“I’ve never needed to before. You’ve been upfront with me until now.”
He sounded so disgruntled, he leaned away from the table, a scowl between his brows, his full lower lip pinched by the upper. I grinned, trying to ease the sudden tension between us.
“You look like a petulant schoolboy.”
Aidan’s lips parted in annoyance. “I’ve never been accused of petulance in my life.”
“There’s a first time for everything.” I cocked my head, enjoying teasing him. “You look like someone has taken away your favorite toy.”
Our food arrived so Aidan couldn’t reply. I looked down at the highlander chicken on my plate, covered in whiskey sauce accompanied with smooth, creamy mash. The perfect dinner for a cold October evening. “This smells amazing.”
He didn’t say anything. He started to eat and I realized my teasing hadn’t dissuaded him from my evasion or his annoyance with me.
I dug in because there was no way I was letting his mood spoil my dinner. Moaning around the first bite, I kicked my feet a little in food joy. Aidan’s gaze flew up from his plate and I saw the crack of a smile. I wiggled my butt in my seat as I took another bite, and he outright laughed.
“Good?”
I nodded around my mouthful, my eyes wide. Swallowing, I said, “So good.”
“You’re like an excited pup.” He shook his head, still smiling.
“I like good food.”
“Then we’ll make sure you have more of it in the future.”
We shared a warm look and I relaxed as the tension eased between us.
It was silly of me to think Aidan had given up on the subject. He was a man with a very successful career who had somehow managed to make the upturning of his life work for him.
He was determined.
Persistent.
Dogged.
Of which I was reminded while he was driving me home. Our evening had been filled with casual conversation as we learned little things about each other and talked about our week. We also discussed Sylvie and how quickly she’d adapted to being back at school.
But we were only in his car a few minutes when he said, “I don’t like the fact that you feel like you can’t talk to me.”
Surprised by the turn in conversation and by the untruth in his statement, I frowned at him. He quickly glanced at me before looking back at the road. “Glare at me all you want but you’re the one hiding something.”
“I’m not hiding anything.”
“You don’t want to talk about your future and that’s a pretty big fucking deal, Nora.”
“What do you want me to say?”
“I want you to tell me what you want from your future.”
I want what’s sitting in the seat next to me. But I didn’t confess that. “I’m not sure.”
“What about the theater? You told me you wanted to act when you were a kid. Clearly that hasn’t changed. I’ve seen how you are when you’re Peter Pan. You become someone totally different for those kids. It’s amazing to watch.”
I flushed at the compliment. “Thank you. That’s sweet. But it doesn’t mean I want to act.”
“It doesn’t mean you don’t.”
“Argh, you are an annoying man sometimes.”
He grinned. “I think we’re getting somewhere.”
“Aidan.”
“Pixie.”
My stomach flipped at the thought of telling him the truth. “You don’t want to know what’s going on in my head right now.”
“That’s where you’re wrong.”
“I don’t want you to know what’s going on in my head,” I amended.
The atmosphere changed abruptly and I could see the muscle in his jaw flex.
“Aidan?”
“We’ll drop it, then.”
I’d hurt his feelings. Shit. “Aidan …” I exhaled, the sound heavy and shaky. “I don’t want you to think I’m any more messed up than I already am.”
“You’re not messed up.”
I laughed but it was hollow-sounding and it made him glance at me in concern. I reached over and squeezed his arm gratefully. “You’re kind to say that, but we both know I’m living in limbo right now. And I want to be able to tell you that I’m ready to get out of it, but I’m not sure I am. A while ago, when Jim was alive, I talked to Seonaid about college here and we found out that I could get into Edinburgh to study psychology. It would only cost a couple of thousand and I knew Jim and I could afford it if we put our house-buying plans on hold. I started to imagine what life would be like as a student and was already looking into the amateur theater groups. But the first mention of it to Jim, a mere casual comment, he completely shut me down.”
“Why?” Aidan sounded as confused as I’d felt at first.
Until I’d realized the truth. “He knew, Aidan. He knew I didn’t love him like he loved me and he was scared that if I went to college, I wouldn’t need him anymore. He was scared he’d lose me. But stopping me only pushed me away even further.”
“So why haven’t you done it … now that he’s …”
“Now that he’s gone?” I finished for him, the words sounding bitter even to my ears. “Guilt.”
“Guilt?” Aidan pulled up in front of my building, switched off the engine, and turned to me. I could see something like anger brewing in his eyes. “Guilt?” he repeated.
Knowing not to tell him was to push him away, I forged ahead with the truth. “I don’t deserve it. I told you before … I stole years with Jim. Why should I get to have the things I want?”
“Jesus Christ, Nora.” He ran a hand over his face, looking shell-shocked by what I’d said.
I waited, anxious to know what that meant.
Suddenly, something seemed to occur to him and he looked at me sharply. “If you really feel that way, like you don’t deserve to move on, then why are you here? What am I to you?”
I whispered, “I couldn’t stay away from you if I tried. You? You’re everything, Aidan.”
It was as though the words winded him and then that fierce determination blazed across his face as he reached over to unclip my seat belt. Shoving it out of the way, he wrapped his arms around my waist and hauled me across the center console into his lap.
My foot caught on the steering wheel and I laughed as I tried to get comfortable. “You could’ve just asked me to come closer.”
He didn’t laugh. He kissed me.
I sank against him, opening my mouth and kissing him back, deepening it. I loved the way his fingers tightened on my hips, almost bruising as they gripped me with need. I cupped his face, loving the scratch of his unshaved cheeks against my hands, and I spread my legs across his lap so I could press deeper against him. At the feel of Aidan’s erection nudging me, I gasped into his mouth and ground into him. His groan reverberated through me and I tilted my hips, liking the waves of pleasure rocking through me as I rubbed against him.
Suddenly, I found myself pushed away and I blinked, confused for a second until I saw the impatient desire on his face. “Please tell me we’re done with going slow. I need you, Nora,” his voice was low, hoarse, “so fucking much.”
The flames of want licked hungrily at me too and I couldn’t turn him away. Four weeks was slow enough. “I don’t have much in my apartment, but there is a bed.”
He immediately threw open his door and I tried to slip off him and outside as gracefully as possible. Aidan was right behind me, his arm around my waist, not letting me go, as he reached into the car for my purse and then shut the door behind him. I took my purse in one hand and his hand in the other, hearing the beep of his car lock and vaguely wondering if it was a good idea to leave his car there, but caring more about getting him upstairs and naked.
Inside the building, I turned into him, not able to wait even a second for one more kiss. He granted my wish and we stumbled against the bottom of the stairwell wall as I lost my footing in the stupid stilettos.
I groaned into his mouth as one large hand smoothed down my ass and gripped it, pulling me into him so his raging hard-on pushed against my belly, while the other hand cupped and squeezed my breast. “Oh God—” I broke the kiss, feeling more desperate than I’d ever felt in my life. “I feel like I’m on fire.”