One awful hour later, Nurse Beryl Watkins was watching like a hawk as Wanda and I said good-bye to everyone. She stood at the top of the steps at the front door of Spookie House in her nurse's uniform and nearly filled up the whole doorway. Nurse Watkins is all muscle. She has legs like tree trunks and hands like a baseball pitcher's mitt. I reckon she was a professional wrestler before she got hold of her nurse's uniform.
The Batty About Bats! limo was parked behind the hearse, which was still there. I think Aunt Tabby must have made something blow up, as there was a lot of steam coming out and Perkins was messing around under the hood muttering rude words. Uncle Drac was helping the driver of the limo stuff his flowery bat case into the trunk. Aunt Tabby looked annoyed because Brenda and Barry had grabbed the best seats. They looked really excited. Brenda had her best pink sunglasses on and Barry was wearing a new blue bowler hat. Brenda was saying good-bye to her cat, Pusskins. "Look after my ickle-wickle pussy- catkins, Wanda, " she said in the little girly voice she uses when she talks about Pusskins, and she dropped Pusskins into Wanda's arms.
Wanda staggered under the weight because the one thing that Pusskins definitely is not is ickle-wickle. "Would you like me to take care of your frogs, Barry?" I asked helpfully, since Wanda does not like frogs very much. Barry looked at me suspiciously, just like he always does when I mention his frogs. "No thank you, Araminta. Wanda is taking care of them, aren't you, Wanda?" "Yes, Dad, " said Wanda. "And Pusskins, " said Brenda. "Yes, Mom, " said Wanda. At last the trunk of the car was closed and Uncle Drac got in. "Take care of my bats, Minty, " he said gloomily. "Yes, Uncle Drac. "
Aunt Tabby poked her head out of the win dow and I wondered what she was going to tell me to take care of, but all she said was, "And do as you are told, Araminta. " I did not reply. "Bye, Dad. Bye, Mom, " said Wanda a bit sadly. "Mwa, mwa!" Brenda made kissing noises out the window. "One for Pusskins and one for you, " she said--then all the windows went up. Suddenly I saw Uncle Drac banging on his window trying to make it go down again. Uncle Drac is not good with things like elec tric windows. Aunt Tabby looked irritated and pressed the button for him. Uncle Drac stuck his head out of the win dow. "Minty, Minty, " he said, beckoning me over. "It's all right, Uncle Drac. I will remember to watch the bats. I promise. " "No, no, it's not that. Happy Birthday for Thursday, Minty, " he said, and gave me a small squashy present wrapped in cute paper with spiders all over it. For a moment I did not know what to say. And then I said, "Ooh. Oh, thank you, Uncle Drac. " Uncle Drac smiled his beautiful smile that shows his long pointy teeth at the edge of his mouth and said, "I'll be thinking of you. " Then he managed to press the right button for once and the window zoomed back up. The hearse moved slowly away, coughing and spluttering, and the Batty About Bats! limo followed. Wanda and I stood at the gate and waved good-bye. The sun was setting and the road looked nice and spooky. I guessed that Uncle Drac had let a few of his bats out in order to get the suitcase into the trunk and they were fluttering around the limo as it followed the hearse.
It looked like a funeral party. I could see Uncle Drac's round white face looking back at Spookie House; he waved and looked as gloomy as if he really was going to a funeral. But I figured that even he was not as gloomy and Wanda and I were just then. "Right, girls!" barked Nurse Watkins as soon as the bat cortge had rounded the corner. "Inside. Now!"
It was time for the ANW Plan. Sir Horace had agreed to lurk in the dark corner beside the clock, and when I wanted him to do his haunting bit I would say the secret word. It was a really good plan, but the only trouble was . . . He wasn't there.
"Ahem, " I coughed, "ahem, ahem, ahem, " just in case he was lurking in the wrong dark corner--because Sir Horace does get confused sometimes--but there was no sign of him. "That's a nasty cough, " said Nurse Watkins. "You need some medicine for that. " I knew that Nurse Watkins's medicine would taste horrible, so I stopped coughing at once. "No thank you, " I said. "I am fine now. " Coughing wasn't working--I would have to try the secret word. "Cockroach, " I said loudly, as Sir Horace is a bit deaf. Nurse Watkins jumped a mile. "Where?" she screamed. But there was still no Sir Horace. "Cockroach!" I yelled. Wanda joined in too. "Cockroach, cockroach!" But still Sir Horace did not appear. Where was he? We left Nurse Watkins in the hall looking for cockroaches and went to find some cheese and onion chips and gummy bears.
On the way to the basement stairs we saw the light on in Uncle Drac's broom cupboard. I was so pleased. I rushed into the broom cupboard. "Uncle Drac, you're back!" I said-- very quietly so that Nurse Watkins did not hear. But it wasn't Uncle Drac sitting in his old chair--it was Sir Horace. And he was reading the newspaper with his feet up, just like Uncle Drac does. "I said the secret word but you didn't come, " I told him.
"That was not very good, Sir Horace. Now we probably will have Nurse Watkins here forever. " Sir Horace jumped. "What?" he said. I could see he had been so busy reading the paper that he had not heard a word I said. Wanda, who is nosy and always wants to know why people are doing things--even boring things like reading the paper, said, "Why are you reading the paper, Sir Horace?" Sir Horace waved the paper in the air. "Look at this, Miss Wizzard. The dastardly FitzMaurice is knocking my castle down. " You may not know, but a very long time ago our ghost Sir Horace lived in a castle not far away from Spookie House.
There is not much of his castle left now. Recently it has been a mushroom farm and even more recently a theme park called Water Wonderland. Old Morris FitzMaurice owns it and he is not nice. He is a descendant of the really horrible Jasper FitzMaurice who stole Sir Horace's castle from him. Wanda took the paper and looked at it. The headline said: fish flattened! and there was a picture of a bulldozer flattening a bunch of old sheds with pictures of fish on them. I would have thought that was a good thing, but Sir Horace did not. "Let me read it, " I said to Wanda and grabbed the paper. Wanda snatched it back. "No, " she snapped. "I will read it. " And then we waited while Wanda worked out the words. "Mr. . . .
FitzMaurice pre . . . Pares site for . . . Auction of well-known tourist attrac . . . Tion, to be sold as seaside . . . Develop . . . Ment site. " Wanda gave Sir Horace back his news paper. Sir Horace looked at the picture again. "Those foul FitzMaurices are knocking down my castle and selling it, " he groaned. "But there wasn't much of your castle left, " I told him. "It was only a bunch of rotten old sheds. " "That is not the point, Araminta, " said Wanda. "Sir Horace loves his old castle. Don't you, Sir Horace?" Sir Horace's only reply was to groan once more and put the newspaper over his head. It was just like Uncle Drac had come back to the broom cupboard.
When we finally got down to the third- kitchen-on-the-left-just-past-the-boiler room, Nurse Watkins was waiting for us. She made Wanda and me look for cockroaches while she boiled our dinner--disgusting parsnip and tuna soup, which would have scared off any self-respecting cockroaches anyway. We poured our soup into Aunt Tabby's spider plant when Nurse Watkins wasn't look ing, but there wasn't anything else for dinner. Nurse Watkins said it wasn't good to eat too much before going to bed,as it gave you bad dreams. But it is not eating that gives you bad dreams, it is people like Nurse Watkins. Then Nurse Watkins said it was bedtime, -45 even though it was much too early. We had to remake our beds with what she called hospital corners, then fold up all our clothes and line up our shoes while she searched under the beds for cockroaches. She didn't find any but she did find a lot of dust and candy wrappers. Wanda and I squeezed into our hospital- corner beds and Nurse Watkins said, "Lights out, girls!" She switched off the light and we listened to her sensible nurse shoes clumping all the way down through the house. I switched on my reading-in-bed flashlight and shone it on Wanda. Wanda stared into the light with big eyes, just like a scared rabbit. "What if she comes back up and sees the light?" she whispered. "We'll have plenty of warning.
You can hear those hospital shoes miles away, " I said. "Do you want some cheese and onion chips?" Wanda sat up excitedly. "Ooh, yes please. " I threwWanda a bag of chips (I always keep an emergency stock under my pillow). Wanda was not a bit grateful. "They're all in tiny pieces, " she moaned. I was not surprised, as Nurse Watkins had thumped the pillow as if it had said something really rude. "Well, that's all I've got, " I told her. Wanda grinned. "But it's not all I've got, " she said. "What do you mean?"
"Ahaaa . . . " I shone my flashlight right in Wanda's face just like they do in the movies when detectives are asking really important questions.
I was a detective once on an important frognapping case, so I knew exactly what to do. "Ooh, stop it, Araminta. That light's really bright. " I put on my creepy detective voice. "Tell me, Wanda Wizzard, what . . . Have . . . You . . . Got?" Wanda dived under her covers and came up with a squashed-looking bag that I had seen Brenda give her before she left. Wanda waved the bag around and said, "One hundred Swedish Fish, two bars of chocolate, and a packet of popcorn!" She patted a space beside her. "Come on, Araminta, " she said, "I can't eat them all on my own. "