We were woken the next morning by a terrible sound. Booooooom. Booooooom. Booooooom . . . Wanda jumped out of bed and rushed to the door. "Araminta, the house is falling down!" I put my head under my pillow. "No it's not, " I mumbled. "It's the gong. " "What's gone?" yelled Wanda. "Where?"
Booooooom. Booooooom. Booooooom . . . I gave up trying to go back to sleep and sat up. "It's the gong, " I said very patiently. "You know, that big round thing hanging up in the hall. I used to do that all the time until Aunt Tabby put it on a hook too high for me to reach. " Wanda came back and sat down on her bed. She looked really fed up. "It's Nurse Watkins, isn't it?" she said. "She's waking us up and it's only . . . " Wanda squinted at her pink fairy watch for a long time because you have to figure out which of the fairy's wings is pointing where. It is the stupidest watch I have ever seen. After a few minutes, Wanda squeaked, "It's only six o'clock!" "That is why it's still dark, " I said. I hugged the blankets around me. It was cold and I could see clouds of my breath on the air.
We were in our Monday bedroom, which is my least favorite room. It has two iron beds and is painted a yucky pale brown with a dark brown stripe halfway up the wall--because brown is Aunt Tabby's favorite color. The beds are very old and lumpy and they squeak a lot. I always think that being in the Monday bed room is a bit like being a poor abandoned child in an orphanage--which that morning was exactly what Wanda and I were: poor abandoned children. Suddenly it got even more like being in an orphanage. We heard the sound of Nurse Watkins's footsteps coming up the stairs. Wanda looked at me in a panic. "It's her. Don't you have a Plan, Araminta?" Now, I can usually think up a Plan for any thing--but thinking of a Plan when Nurse Watkins's feet are stomping toward you is tough.
That is when it becomes an Emergency Plan. But I did it. Even though Wanda has lived in Spookie House for quite a while now, I have not told her about the emergency exits in our bed rooms. I do not tell Wanda everything, just like Uncle Drac does not tell Aunt Tabby everything. I tell her things on what Uncle Drac calls a need-to-know basis--and Wanda did not need to know about emergency exits. They would only worry her; she would want to know why we might need them. "Of course I have a Plan, " I said. "Come on, Wanda. Grab your clothes and follow me. " The emergency exit from our Monday bedroom is through a big cupboard that goes to our Tuesday bedroom.
Wanda followed me into the cupboard; I closed the door and switched on my emergency flashlight. Wanda did not look very happy. "But she'll guess we're in here, " she said. "Aha, " I said mysteriously. "I said follow me, didn't I? So that is what you have to do. " I pushed my way through all the old clothes that were hanging up at the back of the cupboard and the next moment I was out in the Tuesday bedroom--which is really nice. It has two big beds with curtains around them and a fluffy rug that does not have any holes in it--which is unusual for Spookie House. Wanda tripped over my old Ghost Kit and fell out of the cupboard. "Shh!" I hissed before she could go "Ouch!" very loudly, which is what Wanda always does when she falls over.
The next part of the Emergency Plan went like clockwork. We got dressed, tiptoed past our Monday bedroom, where Nurse Watkins was calling, "Girls . . . Girls?" and looking under the beds with the same expression she had when she was looking for cockroaches. We ran downstairs at top speed. The final part of my Emergency Plan was for Nurse Watkins to find us in the kitchen with the table laid for breakfast, cooking oat meal, and when she came in I would ask in a bored voice if she would like some, now that she had got up at last. But like all Plans it did not go quite as well as planned. Because as we scooted past Uncle Drac's broom cupboard I bumped into Sir Horace and he fell over with a horrible crash. Drat.
And then--double drat--we heard the sound of nurse shoes thudding down the stairs really fast and a loud nursey voice saying, "Girls, girls!"
I never thought in a million years that I would actually look forward to Great-aunt Emilene arriving, but by the afternoon I couldn't wait for that hearse to drive up and rescue us from Nurse Watkins. Wanda and I had escaped to Aunt Tabby's room while Nurse Watkins was roaming through Spookie House hunting spiders with the vacuum cleaner. Aunt Tabby's room is at the end of the big corridor upstairs. Aunt Tabby calls it her thinking room, but really it is where she goes to eat mint creams and read the paper.
Wanda is really good at finding hidden candy and she had discovered Aunt Tabby's secret stash of mint creams under a loose floorboard, which made us feel much better. The room has a cute little window that sticks out, which Uncle Drac calls an oriel window. I was sitting there, sucking the chocolate off the very last mint cream, when I saw the hearse draw up. Suddenly I wasn't so sure that I did want to see Great-aunt Emilene after all. "Wanda, " I said. "She's here!" "Who?" asked Wanda, all relaxed with mint creams. "Great-aunt Emilene. " Wanda scuttled to the window and peered over my shoulder, breathing mint- cream breath all over me. We watched Perkins--who always moves like he is walking underwater--slowly get out of the hearse and walk around to the passenger door.
Perkins opened the door and a shiny black boot poked out. Wanda closed her eyes tight so she didn't see what happened next--and what happened next was amazing. It wasn't Great-aunt Emilene who got out of the hearse--it was Mathilda Spookie! Mathilda Spookie is my almost-grown-up cousin and she is the coolest cousin ever. She was wearing her really amazing black coat that goes all the way down to the ground and has lots of cobwebby things stuck to it, plus her cool hat with all kinds of dead stuff on it. She stood at the gate for a moment. Then she looked up at Spookie House, and she had a little secret smile on her face. I waved like crazy but I don't think she saw me.
She pushed open the gate and came clip-clopping up the path in those really great boots that she wears and rang the doorbell. Nurse Watkins didn't hear a thing. The vac uum cleaner was making the loud screeching sound that it always does when it has swal lowed too many spiders, so Wanda and I got to answer the doorbell all on our own. I opened the door and smiled very gra ciously. "Hello, Mathilda, " I said. "It is very nice to see you. Would you like to come in?" I could see Wanda looking a bit surprised, as I do not usually talk so politely, but just because I don't, it doesn't mean that I can't. Mathilda was very polite too. "Thank you, Araminta, " she said. "Do you mind if Ned and Jed come in too?" I didn't mind who came into Spookie House as long as their names didn't begin with Aunt or Nurse.
"We don't mind, do we, Wanda?" I said. "Who are Ned and Jed?" asked Wanda, peering out and blinking in the bright sun. Sometimes Wanda reminds me of one of Uncle Drac's bats. "Yooo-hooo!" came a couple of weird voices from behind the hedge. Wanda jumped but I am used to bigger surprises than a couple of boys sticking their heads over the hedge and making silly faces. "Yoo-hoo!" I waved back. I thought they looked like fun. This was going to be good. Mathilda came in. She stood in the hall and gazed around dreamily. "I love Spookie House, " she said. "I am so glad Grannie can't come. "
"Who's Grannie?" asked Miss Nosy Bucket Wanda Wizzard. Actually I was glad she asked, as I didn't know either. "Oh, you probably call her Great-aunt Emilene. " Mathilda smiled vaguely. "Great-aunt Emilene can't come?" I said, suddenly feeling like a huge slug had dropped out of my lettuce sandwich and someone had added a whole bag of cheese and onion chips on the side. "She went to get her hair done yesterday and it turned bright orange. " Mathilda giggled. So did we. "So she won't go anywhere. " "How bright?" asked Miss Nosy Bucket. "Bright, " drawled Mathilda. "Like I need these to look at her. " She pulled out a pair of the best sunglasses ever and put them on. Wanda was goggle-eyed. Mathilda looked so cool we couldn't quite believe she was really in Spookie House at all.
No one that cool ever comes to Spookie House. But then Mathilda spoiled it by putting her head out of the door and yelling, "Hey--Ned! Jed! Get in here--now!" She sounded just like Aunt Tabby, who is definitely not cool. "Shh!" I said. But it was too late. Somewhere the vacuum cleaner droned to a halt and we heard nurse shoes stomping down the stairs. Back to reality, I thought. There was no way Nurse Watkins was going to let Mathilda stay with us for a whole week.