I hated how much we were trying to work hard on getting back what we’d had.
“Toby, what if this doesn’t work? What if we’re just deluding ourselves here? I love—I love being with you again, but maybe we made a mistake? Wouldn’t we be better off with other people? You can be with a woman who would be readily there for you and I could be with a man—” I had to stop myself before I went overboard and said more than I intended.
“You could go ahead and be with a man—then what, Lucy?”
A man that loved me. A man that hadn’t been married and would only call me his wife. A man I could share a family with… a child. Toby wasn’t that man. I knew he wasn’t, and I would not force him to be one because he wanted me happy.
“It’s nothing. I’m sure it’ll pass,” I bluffed, but his hold around my body only tightened, not letting go.
“You want to be with someone else?” he questioned, probing into my eyes. When I didn’t respond, he went on, “Is it Troy? Do you want to be with him again?”
“I dated him.” My heart was filled with bad things; it was time I unloaded a little of the lies I had deceptively let him believe. “Nothing came out of it except for friendship. And he’s a great friend that I can always count on. I haven’t dated since then… nor did I sleep with anyone since you…”
“Since Rome?”
I shook my head, smiling sadly. “Since we broke up. I tried. I even went to go as far as wanting to seduce Clive Barrington—”
He was ready to combust. “Tell me he didn’t touch a single—”
Licking my lips, my eyes met his stormy ones. “He didn’t. He gently declined my advances, but… that was after I kissed him.”
“You kissed Clive?” he screeched, letting go of me as he paced around the kitchen before he stopped, looking beyond hurt. “It feels like you told me you kissed Blake. What if I told you I made out with Sienna? You just don’t come after my friends, Lucy—that’s just wrong.”
“This was after I found out you got her pregnant. I was hurting so much that night and wanted to drown in alcohol. Clive just happened to be there. If he wasn’t there, I’m sure I would’ve found someone else to have sex with.” Remembering it brought a dull ache inside my chest. “I couldn’t even bring myself to think of letting a guy touch me. How did you think I felt when I knew you were screwing women day in and day out? And when the news of you expecting your first child…”
His face fell, gripping the side of his head. “You left me, Lucy. How was I supposed to know any of this?”
I wasn’t sure. “I was naïve to think that our love was different, that it was special enough—even though we were apart. I expected you to fix your family problems and come back to me when everything was fine again. That’s why I had waited… because I wasn’t sure how long it would take you to accomplish that. I waited… I waited for you.”
“Luce, I don’t know what to say—”
I shook my head, grabbing hold of my wine. “Don’t say anything. It’s the past, isn’t it?”
In one go, I emptied the contents. “Should we start dinner?”
Perplexed and apoplectic, he opened his mouth for a minute. “You want dinner?”
No, I wanted a do-over.
“I never thought I’d say this, but if you want to be free, I would step back. Though reluctantly, I would. As I said before, I just want you to be happy.”
Everything around me disappeared as I met his gaze. “What do you mean?” eerily, I whispered.
“Just keep that in mind, if that day ever comes…”
I was at a loss. “And you’re fine with this?”
“I know how it feels to live with regrets. Hoping you can take back time and wishing things were done differently. I don’t want that to happen to you.”
He was referencing them, wasn’t he? He had said I would come first, and he’d meant that. It was sad to realize where I truly stood with him.
“Thank you. I’m sure this will come in handy very soon.” My sarcasm couldn’t be hidden, yet he didn’t even try to argue with it.
I gave him a quick glance before leaving him in the kitchen, heading upstairs. Once in the bedroom, I went straight to the closet, picking out the first black dress I saw, placing it on the chaise lounge before I started to undress myself. I was calm, composed, however I was going bat-shit crazy inside.
Naked, I carefully chose my underwear, matching it with the black lace garter belt, before slipping on pointy-toe pump shoes. Eyeing myself sideways, I was glad to see my swimming had made a difference to my body. My curves looked more defined and my breasts seemed bigger, perkier than before. Now, off to browsing for a bra to match.
I had barely plucked the see-through mesh when I saw his figure, watching me. Expressionless.
“Heading somewhere?”
“Yup.”
He stepped into the closet, picking up the dress with curiosity, shifting it from side to side. “Mind telling me where?”
“Dancing.”
“You’re going to dance with a garter belt on?”
Ha. “Sure.”
“If you’re angry, I’m here. You can talk to me. You don’t have to go out dressed like—Luce, don’t do this.”
I spun around to face him, catching his blatant gaze at my breasts. “You want another man to touch these, don’t you?” I asked him.
“Fuck no—”
“Memorize me—my body—and imagine me writhing underneath someone else, enjoying everything he’s doing to me while I slowly forget how it feels to have you inside me.”
His nose flared, fury roaring in waves so strong I could feel it seeping out of his pores.
“That’s what you want, right? Good. I don’t want to have regrets, either.” I reached out to get my dress from his hand, but he moved it away. “Give me that.”
“You love driving me crazy, don’t you?” he growled, throwing the dress to the other side of the closet. Just when I was about to run to get it off the floor, I was pushed back against the full length mirror before he angrily parted my legs and hooked his fingers on the crotch of my thong then ripped it in two.
I barely had the time to blink before I felt his cock impaling me, seating himself all the way in. I could practically feel him all the way in my stomach.