“It aches to be inside you, Luce.” He wanted me, and yet, he was demanding more than my body.
He drove me wild, wanton with need, and I completely unfolded, begging, “Fuck me. Please?”
“Promise to be with me?” He waited for me to answer, eyes demanding while I was delirious for him.
“I’m frightened.”
Hurt spread across his face, but it only drove him more to pursue me. “I won’t hurt you, I promise.” He took my hand and planted a kiss inside my palm before placing it against the beat of his heart. “I’m yours, Lucy.”
This should be enough. Maybe it was. Maybe this was the closest thing I would come to what I used to have with him. And it should suffice. “I’ll be yours for as long as you’re mine.”
I didn’t know what the future held for us. There were still a lot of questions that riddled my mind, however there was one thing I did know, and that was my love for him. The once simple, uncomplicated love had evolved into something more, much more compared to a year ago. Six months ago. Last week. Yesterday. It kept on growing abundantly. And I would continue loving him, knowing that I would always pine for him, his heart, to love me the way I loved him.
I had accepted that.
That’s why God invented dreams, so I could have him whenever I closed my eyes.
Chapter 27
Lucy
Being back with him in London was the best I could hope for. The first night, we barely had the chance to talk much since we both ended up indulging our carnal appetites. The second day was the same, and I was relieved that he opened a little about Amelia and the baby. He rehashed that last night with her and told me about their conversations. He even went on to say that he was hopeful after the ultrasound appointment. He told me a ton—and yet only brushing on the subjects that mattered most to me. But I didn’t want to push it since we barely just restarted again. Besides, I didn’t want to lay everything out there when I wasn’t fully sure where I stood with him. True he admitted that he wanted me to be happy. Said that he couldn’t get enough of me, missed me tremendously—yet none of them indicated any words of love…from a man deeply in love. They were words from a man who had a satisfying sex life…words from a lover. But still, I was optimistic, knowing that this was a great start for us.
We had been happy for three days straight until he brought up a subject he kept pressing on me.
“Why won’t you move in with me? This house has four bedrooms. If you truly despise sharing a room with me, then you’re more than welcome to have one of the three. You can do whatever you like—redecorate this entire place and make it into your own—I don’t care. I just have to sleep right next to you. Is that so much to ask?”
If I gave up my place, I would have no place to hide. No place to call my own. If the time came that he and I would part again, I wouldn’t have anywhere to go other than my parents’ house.
“I’ll move some of my things if that makes you happy, but I don’t think I can sell the flat, Toby.”
“Why not? You can use that money for something else—invest it in a business. You don’t need to two homes. You can have this one with me.”
Why couldn’t he just drop it?
“That place is my home,” I emphasized. “Besides, I might need it for later use.”
“I see.” He studied me a moment, pensive. When he did speak, I was caught off guard. “Okay. I won’t bring it up anymore. It’s about making you happy, isn’t it? Then I won’t push the subject any longer.”
I supposed this was part of his change? I liked that. “Thank you.”
He nodded, barely meeting me in the eye. “I’m going to make something for dinner. Anything you fancy in particular?”
“No, not really.”
He stepped closer before leaving a kiss on my forehead. “Okay, I’ll think of something.”
There was sadness in his eyes that wasn’t there before we started discussing about my flat. Despite that, I knew if I let things go his way, I wouldn’t have any power over this relationship. And for sanity’s sake, I needed some control.
It had only been three days and I already saw the major changes in him. He was almost like the old Toby—almost. I still remembered the horrible side of him. It was awful, but I’d been waiting for it to resurface.
Thirty minutes later, I went downstairs to join him in the kitchen. “Do you need help?”
“I’ve got it under control. Why don’t you take care of the wine?” he suggested with a strange look about him.
Taking the glasses out before choosing a red, I directed him a glance. “Chad called. He’s arriving this weekend and wants us all to be there at Blake’s house. Luke and the baby will be there, too.”
“Okay.”
I carefully placed the wine on the table, pausing. “You sure that’ll be okay?” I was afraid that it would be too much for him. After he’d lost his child, I wasn’t sure how he felt about children as a whole.
He directed me an odd look. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“If you say so,” I murmured, pouring the contents in my glass before taking a quick sip of the crimson liquid.
“Should we tell them about us?” I wondered out loud.
He took a cloth to wipe his hands together before turning the fire off the stovetop. “Do you want to?”
“Should we?” I wasn’t sure why I was hesitating. For some reason, I wasn’t sure what to do.
He strode over, hands in his pocket as he half sat on the table, facing me. “If it were up to me, I wouldn’t even have to question it.”
This showed how much I trusted him, and how strong we were as a couple. Even though I didn’t want to hurt his feelings, I felt the need to be forthcoming with my thoughts. Our friends saw everything unfold between us—they saw it all—the ugliness and the sadness. And as much as I adored them and wanted to share this new development with them all, I felt that I needed to be sure first, that this was going to be a permanent thing and not a momentary fleeting reconciliation, before announcing to my friends and family that I was back with him.
“Would it insult you if I asked you to keep it between us for a little while?”
“Whatever makes you happy.”
We had come to this. It was sad and disheartening to see us here. “I just want you to understand…”
He pulled me into his arms, slipping me in between his legs, before looking at me with such tenderness it almost broke my heart. “You don’t have to explain anything. It’s fine. As long as I have you, I’ll be okay.”