"Maddy? You in here?" Monica's voice was soft as she tread lightly through the darkened room and sat down gingerly on her
daughter's twin bed, where she now lay quietly in the stillness. Madeline
acknowledged her mother's presence, but her tear-stained eyes remained
focused on the big picture window a few feet away. The crimson and
orange late-autumn sunset was on the verge of succumbing to the
blackness of night; still Maddy hadn't bothered to switch on the lamp on
the nightstand. Somehow the darkness just seemed appropriate.
"Uh, your dad and I were going to go out for a bite to eat. Would you
like to join us?" A guilt-ridden Monica inquired hopefully.
Witnessing the dramatic changes in Madeline over the last few weeks
had been nothing short of torturous; in what seemed like the blink of an
eye, her bubbly, energetic daughter had transformed into a withdrawn,
troubled young woman who'd lost all interest in everything that had once
incited her passion and energy. To Monica's chagrin, she stubbornly
refused to go out; consistently rebuffing Carmen's repeated attempts to
lure her to their favorite dance clubs, including the new KP Corral that
had opened up in King of Prussia.
Having recently developed a love for country line dancing, Madeline
had added it to her dance syllabus at the behest of her Pottstown students
at the beginning of the fall semester this year. Though technically her
weekly back-to-back classes were supposed to focus strictly on ballroom,
she'd decided it couldn't hurt to throw in something a little different.
Besides, after three years, she knew everyone in the class well enough to
have earned a bit of flexibility with the curriculum. When KP Corral
opened, Carmen and Maddy frequented the place regularly after work so
they could have some free-spirited fun while Maddy picked up some new
moves for her classes. That was of course, before she succumbed to
pressure and wrote Kenny a goodbye letter.
"No thanks, I'm not hungry," she informed her mother, before
rolling over to face Lori's closet. Wasn't it enough that she'd caved into
unreasonable demands and broken Kenny's heart? She was also expected to carry on as
if he'd never existed? Here it was, the night before Thanksgiving and all she
wanted to do was crawl under the covers, crying over what might have
been; for all she knew, she could've been spending the long weekend with
Kenny's family in Ventnor, or driving and laughing with him in the car as
they toured suburban Philadelphia on rambling, country roads. Instead
here she was, lonely, frustrated, sad and angry-mostly at herself.
After all, Dad, Lori and Greg had all taken her side, offering complete
support and encouraging her to follow her heart. Dad had even stressed
on more than one occasion that Maddy could always talk to him whenever
she felt the need. There was no question that, had she proceeded with the
relationship, Mom would've accepted it eventually. But Maddy was selfaware
enough to acknowledge the truth-she'd used her mother's
disapproval as an escape route when her own intense feelings for Ken had
become too frightening to handle.
Looking down at the gold Pisces pendant in her hand, Maddy thought
back to that beautiful weekend, and their romantic dinner at The Ship
Inn. He had such an incredible way of making her feel as if she was the
only woman in a room; being with him had been so easy. No pangs of
inadequacy, borne out of some misguided notion of failing to live up to
the accomplishments of her ambitious family. Ken saw her as that rare
and complete woman-smart, beautiful, principled and sweet. She was
everything he never thought he'd find. And towards the end, he'd nearly
accomplished the impossible by edging Maddy ever so closer to seeing
what had been clear to him from day one.
"Maddy, you have to eat, hon," Monica encouraged her soothingly.
"Mom, please, just leave me alone!"
A saddened Monica smoothed her daughter's hair and offered
another sincere apology, along with unprecedented encouragement.
"Maddy, please listen to me, honey. I was wrong. Very wrong. And I am
deeply sorry." Madeline remained quiet as she absorbed her mother's
words. "Look, your father and I have talked about this a lot. All we want
is for you to be happy. And we both saw the way Kenny looked at you,
the way he treated you with such devotion and respect. He made you
happy."
"Well, apparently that wasn't enough in the absence of a college
degree," Maddy sniped.
"I'm sorry, Madeline," Mrs. Rose repeated. "I was so wrong about
everything. I liked Kenny from the very beginning; what a refreshing and
welcome change he was from Jake! And you were right-he's ambitious,
smart, and hardworking. I have no doubt he'd take good care of you if
you two ever got serious. I guess I was just being a little too
overprotective of my baby. Even your Aunt Maria is mad at me for that."
"Yeah, like she has a lot of room to talk," Maddy commented
sarcastically, thinking of her cousins Earl and Cassie, who'd oftentimes
felt smothered by such focused attention.
"You're right!" Monica laughed. "Your aunt and I are both guilty of
loving our children dearly-perhaps too much. But Re Re is also a good
judge of character and she liked Kenny right away too. She thinks he's
adorable and so do I. Honey, why don't you call him?"
"Mom, I've broken the guy's heart," she sighed. "I crushed it into a
million little pieces after he was nothing but good to me. I stood him up
for his cousin's wedding, and for a work party-my God, how could I do
something like that? The guy was so proud of me, all he wanted to do was
show me off to his family and his co-workers, and look what I did to him!
Why would he want anything to do with me now? Besides, it's been several
weeks since I mailed that stupid letter with the pictures from his visit. I'm
sure he just loved reading the part about slowing things down for a while.
Obviously, it's over."
"Honey, I am just so sorry for my role in all of this." Monica's tone
was somber. "Will you forgive me?"
Touched by her mother's sincerity, Maddy sat up in bed to face her.
Her blue eyes glistened with tears and her expression resonated with real
love and concern. Placing her arms around her, Madeline whispered,
"Yes. Yes, of course I forgive you, Mom." They sat there holding each
other for a moment.
"Maddy, I pray to God everyday for you, for you to find all of the
happiness you deserve, not just with the right guy, but also with a career
that lets you use all of your talents and skills. I know you don't feel very
passionate about your work now, but I know something better is coming
soon!"
Breaking away, Madeline added, "Thanks Mom. You know, maybe
it's all for the best, the way things happened with Kenny."
She thought back to the indelible moments of intimacy that had been
a simultaneous source of pleasure and conflict. Maybe her initial fears
were on target; maybe it had been terribly unfair of her to expect Kenny
to wait until some mythical wedding night to consummate their
relationship. In the long run, he was probably much better off finding a
girl who didn't have Maddy's sexual hang-ups. Surely he'd find someone
wonderful who could satisfy him on all levels.
In the meantime, now that Damian and Laura had reconciled their
differences with the family, she'd have the sweet distraction of infant
twins to pull her out of her funk. They were due to arrive in a few days
for a six-week stay. Perhaps the pain would dissolve amid the distraction
of diaper changes, nursery rhymes and bottle feedings. But for now,
Maddy just wanted to be left alone to her misery as her worried mother
reluctantly closed the door behind her.