I didn’t have anyone to compare this to, but I doubted anyone would ever make me feel the way West did.
He continued in a hoarse whisper, “Being with you . . . having you . . . I dream about it. It’s something I can’t explain and I can’t lose, either.”
That was it. What I needed to hear.
“Okay,” I replied, knowing I’d never regret this with him.
He lifted his head, and those blue eyes flared with heat. I was trembling even before his hand slid down farther.
“Trust me?” His voice was thick and raspy.
I just nodded. I couldn’t speak.
My heart was pounding so loudly, I could hear it. My body was on fire, about to shatter into a beautiful oblivion.
I’d said I’d be whatever he needed. I’d do whatever he needed me to do.
I knew now I had been so very right.
He slowly lifted his head and gazed down at me. “I need you. No, I want you. Just you. I don’t need or want anything else.” When he opened his eyes, they were glassy, and I could see the emotion he was holding back.
“What do you want from me?” I asked.
“I need you too much. I want you so much. You’re just . . . I just . . . You’re the only thing that makes the pain go away, Maggie.”
He was trying to survive. I was giving him a reason to survive. He was taking from me. But I wanted to give myself to him.
I ran my hands over his hair and tried to comfort him. I knew he wasn’t ready to hear me tell him I loved him. I wasn’t sure he’d ever want to hear that. But I had to tell him a small portion of the truth.
“I want this. I want you like this. Don’t apologize. What you’re taking, I am giving you willingly.”
He didn’t reply at first. When he finally lifted his head, I saw the heat in his eyes as he looked at me. “I want more. More than I deserve.”
I couldn’t imagine that, years from now, I’d looked back on this night and regret it. Even if this were it for us, I’d have been completely connected with West. It may have been a way to help him with his pain, but it also helped me with mine. Watching him lose his father brought back so much heartache and loss for me. The moments we had just shared made me feel alive. More alive than I’d felt in a very long time.
“I want more too,” I replied.
My heart started to flutter at the idea, and West’s sharp intake of breath told me he understood exactly what I was telling him.
“I don’t want to be a regret for you. Ever,” he said, looking torn.
“And I don’t want to be a regret for you. Ever,” I repeated back to him. I wanted him to cherish this memory just like I would. I wanted to be more to him. Something he’d never forget.
“Nothing about any moment I’ve spent with you will ever be a regret.” The fierceness on his face made me shiver. I felt special. He made me feel that way.
Just. To. Me.
CHAPTER 34
WEST
Nothing in life had prepared me for this. My heart felt like it was going to beat right out of my body.
I shed the rest of my clothes after taking a condom out of my pocket. I was so nervous, my hands shook as I put it on.
As I lowered my body over hers, my chest tightened. Finally those eyes I’d come to dream about lifted to meet mine. There was a quiet confidence there. A trust I would cherish. One I couldn’t lose.
With careful ease, I entered her, and she held on to me through it all. Never taking her eyes off mine.
Later, when she curled up against me in the truck and I held her while I looked out at the lights of Lawton below us, I let the first tear fall.
For all that I had lost.
For all that I had found.
For all I couldn’t lose now but feared I would.
The next day I returned to school. My mother’s mom would be arriving today, and I didn’t want to be there. Why mother had called her and asked her to come, I didn’t know. She’d never been around us much before.
Of course I also wanted to see Maggie.
Taking her home last night, I’d been so scared of losing her that I’d been dead silent. Too silent. Rather than my own thoughts, my concern should have been Maggie. I would fix that today.
The one thing I didn’t want to face was people telling me they were sorry to hear about my dad. I didn’t want to think about it. I also didn’t want them looking at me with pity. So I ignored everyone as I walked through the doors and headed straight for my locker.
Maggie was standing there, her books tucked close to her chest, waiting. A warmth spread through me that only Maggie could cause, and I hurried through the crowd to get to her. When she spotted me, her lips curled into a small smile. It said so many things. It was for me. She didn’t give that smile to anyone else.
I liked that. I liked that a whole fucking lot.
“Morning,” I said as I reached her and tugged her close to me before pressing a kiss to those lips that were smiling just for me.
She tensed at first but quickly melted into me and let me have a taste. I didn’t want anyone else seeing how good she looked with those swollen lips, so I pulled away after I got enough to get me through first period. Still, I kept my hand on her back and pressed her close to me.
“Ah, good morning,” she replied, looking flustered.
Grinning, I pressed a kiss to her nose. “God, you’re always so damn pretty,” I said.
Her cheeks flushed pink, and she ducked her head as a grin spread across her lips.
“I didn’t think you’d come today,” she said as she glanced up at me.