He hated taking the pain meds—he liked being there mentally with us —but he’d been in so much pain last night, Mom had forced him to take them. Then, when he finally went to sleep, she’d fallen into my arms and sobbed. I had never seen her like that before, had never seen her break down.
Facing today’s game had been the last thing I wanted to do. Knowing I would get to go home and tell my dad about it had been the only way I’d been able to play. I wanted to tell him something that would make him smile. I wanted him to believe in me. He and I had shared my dreams for so long. I didn’t want him to know I was losing those dreams. Because without him, I wouldn’t care anymore.
Not to mention Mom would need me when he was gone.
I hadn’t looked for Raleigh after the game. I’d gone straight to my truck, determined to get the hell away from all of them. All their joy over our win. I couldn’t be happy. My dad hadn’t been there. Winning didn’t mean as much anymore.
Facing my dad while my emotions were so raw wasn’t a good idea. But going to the field party where the team would be celebrating seemed fucking pointless. I couldn’t celebrate. I just wanted to forget. I wanted my old life back. I wanted my dad healthy.
After driving around for almost an hour, lost in the pain that had become part of me, my truck drove down the familiar dirt road to the field party. It was here or home, and I couldn’t go home just yet. I needed a few beers, and I needed to forget.
Everyone was already here. The loud shouts and laughter had once been welcome sounds. Now I hated them. None of my friends had worries except winning a football game. They didn’t know what fear was. None of them. These were the best fucking years of their lives. Once, they’d been mine, too.
I closed my truck door and stared at the bonfire through the trees. I would have to walk in there and put on a smile I didn’t feel. I would have to talk about a game I played with everything I had but only because I wanted to be able to tell my dad about it. Not because my heart was in it.
I didn’t fit in anymore. With any of them.
But where else would I go?
Drinking would ease the pain some. Nothing would take it all away.
I would pretend. It was what I did best lately.
Heading into the open field, I found a beer and made my way over to my friends. Raleigh was here already. I could see her over with the soccer boys. I knew she was mad, and that was her way of getting back at me. I just didn’t care.
“Where you been, man? We’ve been replaying the awesomeness that was Ashby tonight, and you weren’t even here to glory in it!” Ryker yelled out to me as I walked toward them.
“Had some things to do first,” I replied with a grin that hinted I’d been doing someone rather than somethings. I’d let them think what they wanted. Anything but the truth.
Laughter followed my comment.
“Guess that’s why Raleigh moved over to soccer boy land,” Nash replied. He’d been pissed at me for a day or two, but after practice on Thursday we’d both agreed I was right. He had to focus on football not Brady’s cousin.
I shrugged and took a seat down on the tractor tire that Ryker was sitting on. “Whatever,” I replied.
Next to me, Ryker started talking. “But seriously, Nash. You got to quit looking for her. She’s okay. She’s here, and she’s not your business. Brady will be back in a minute with Ivy’s drink, and if he thinks you’re looking for his cousin, he’ll get pissy.”
I turned my attention to Nash. I thought he had backed off that.
Nash held up both his hands. “Easy, I was just seeing who was here. Not looking for anyone.”
“Bullshit,” Ryker muttered.
“She’s here?” I asked, wondering why she came to these parties if she was just going to hide in the corner.
“Brady said his momma made him bring her. She doesn’t want to come. He feels bad for her,” Ivy said with a shrug, as if she couldn’t care less.
“Pisses me off that he doesn’t let her sit with us.” Nash sounded aggravated.
“Not. Your. Business,” was Ryker’s response. I wanted to agree with Ryker, but Nash was right too. Brady was wrong just bringing her here and leaving her all alone. It was cruel.
“Uh-oh, here comes drama,” Ivy said with a smile, then looked at me.
“Well, shi-it,” Ryker drawled as I turned to see Raleigh walking our way.
Her hair was messy from fooling around with the soccer guy. What was she heading over here for? I liked her better over there.
“Y’all confuse the hell out of me,” Nash said. “Today at the pep rally I thought she was going to suck your face off. Now she’s sucking someone else’s face off.”
I grabbed my beer and stood up. I was leaving. I didn’t want her shit tonight. I had bigger issues than Raleigh.
“I’m out,” I said.
“You leaving?”
“Already?”
“You did that last week!”
They all seemed surprised. I just nodded and held up my beer. “Good game. Let’s own this season,” I said, then headed to the woods and my truck.
I Have Nightmares Every Night
CHAPTER 9
MAGGIE
I sat on the back of Brady’s truck, watching my feet swing back and forth. The noise from the party wasn’t as loud back here. Tonight Brady hadn’t driven his truck up to the party; he’d left it parked with the other vehicles in the wooded area just off the dirt road. I knew it was because he wanted me to have somewhere to stay. He was trying to make this easier on me. He’d even brought me a bowl of pretzels and a soda a little while ago. He’d seemed concerned. But all of a sudden some girl with long dark hair drove up, and he got angry. He stalked off after that.