But then his arms went around her and held her tightly.
“We’ll get through this,” he promised. His lips brushed the side of her head, and she gave a choked sob, soaking Alaric’s shoulder with tears and snot. “There’ll be a cure. Maybe. And even if not, we love each other. We can handle this.”
Alaric’s voice was strained, but he wasn’t flinching away from her. And there weren’t any lies between them, not now. She closed her eyes and sobbed into his shoulder.
She could still smell his blood, salty and metallic, as rich and mysterious as the ocean. But Alaric didn’t smell like food anymore. Instead, he smelled like home.
Chapter 19
Matt hesitated in the hallway, Jasmine’s hand firmly in his, staring at the plain wooden door to Meredith and Alaric’s apartment. His mouth felt dry, and he wasn’t breathing quite right.
It was ridiculous, he knew. He wasn’t afraid of Meredith just because she was suddenly a vampire. He’d been friends with Stefan for years, and he had a cordial relationship with Damon, although they weren’t exactly friends. He’d even been in love with a vampire, poor Chloe, when he was a freshman in college.
Maybe his history with Chloe was the trouble. He knew how hard it was for a vampire to resist feeding, to stay a person instead of a killer. Chloe hadn’t been able to, and in the end she’d chosen to die instead. Becoming a vampire, fighting against those new, violent instincts, could tear a good person apart.
Matt wasn’t going to let that happen to Meredith. None of them were.
Jasmine leaned against him, warm and quietly reassuring. “Can’t stand out here all day,” she said, and Matt lifted his hand and knocked.
Alaric opened the door and smiled at them, looking so normal that Matt’s heart gave a ridiculous hopeful hop. Maybe everything’s okay.
But, as the door swung wider, he saw Meredith, slumped at the kitchen table, her head in her hands, and his heart sank again. Meredith was definitely not okay. She looked broken. Like she’d been fighting on, out of pride, pretending everything was fine, fiercely determined that none of them would know what had happened to her. And now that they knew, all that fight had gone.
Damon lounged in a chair on the other side of the table from Meredith, while Elena and Bonnie leaned against the counter behind him, their faces troubled. Out of the corner of his eye, Matt registered Zander coming in from the other room, moving with an easy, animal grace. But Matt’s attention was fixed on Meredith. He couldn’t believe she was a vampire. And they hadn’t known.
“I can hear your heart thumping, Matt,” Meredith said, not raising her head. “You’re scared of me.”
It was the flat bitterness in her tone that got Matt moving toward her; she was one of his dearest friends, he couldn’t let her sound like that, feel that way. She looked up at him, her gray eyes wide and wet, and warmth flooded him.
“I’m not scared,” he said, reaching out for her. She flinched away for a second and then leaned into his hand, her body as warm and solid as it had always been. “Meredith, it doesn’t matter.” She gave a tear-choked snort at that, and he reconsidered, squeezing her shoulders. “Okay, of course it matters, but you haven’t changed. You’re still the same girl who shared your lunch with me in kindergarten.”
He could remember her so clearly at age five, tall and solemn, dark hair pulled into pigtails. On their first day, Matt had forgotten the lunch his mom had carefully packed for him, and he burst into tears in the cafeteria. Meredith had been there, calm and compassionate, giving him half of her peanut butter sandwich, a handful of grapes, breaking her cookie neatly in two. Matt had tagged along after her for the rest of that whole long confusing first day, confident that Meredith would look after him.
“I trust you, Mer,” he went on. “Jack did something terrible to you—really awful, and God, I’m so sorry about that. But I’m not scared. Because I know that you’re still the girl who was the only person I could talk to when Elena went to France that summer in high school and I worried she was going to break up with me. You’re still the same girl who was the total champion of our fifth grade soccer team.” His eyes were stinging, and he swiped a hand across them. “I know that girl, Meredith, and I know she’s good all the way through. I’d never be scared of you.”
Meredith gave a choked-off laugh and bit her lip. “I know—I know all those things about the past, Matt. But what if I can’t help myself? I hear your blood pumping through your veins, louder than the words you’re saying. You smell like food.”
“They’ve always smelled like dinner to me, but I manage to restrain myself,” Damon told her, with a narrow smile. “Mostly. And you’re much more moral than I am, hunter.”
“One more thing I know about you is that you’re too tough to give in to anything like that,” Matt said. “I’ve got faith in you. We all do.”
“And we are going to help you,” Bonnie said, folding her arms. Her small chin was stuck out stubbornly. “Alaric and I are going to figure out a cure.”
Damon was the one who laughed that time. “The only cure for being a vampire is a sharp stake, little redbird,” he said gently.
“With my magic and Alaric’s research skills…” Bonnie’s shoulders rose in a tiny, hopeful shrug. “Maybe? Maybe we can do this?”
“I’ll help,” Jasmine said quickly. “He used science to make his vampires. Maybe science can cure them.”
Meredith’s eyes were brighter now, not quite so defeated, and Matt fumbled in his pocket. “I brought you something,” he told her, his fingers fastening around a thin chain as he pulled it out of his pocket. It was a cheap silver-toned bracelet with a heart frame charm.
“Is that from prom?” Elena asked, surprised.
The bracelets had been favors at their junior prom. Matt and Elena had gone together, and each seat at the table—which they’d shared with Bonnie and Meredith and their dates—had one in front of it, the frame ready to hold a tiny copy of the owner’s prom picture. Matt had kept his; he was the sentimental type. And he’d dug it up last night and scraped out the photo of his and Elena’s smiling faces, back before everything began. He spent some time in Photoshop, shrinking down another old picture to fit.
“It’s us,” Meredith said softly, looking down at the tiny picture. It was from the first day of college: Matt, Meredith, Bonnie, and Elena smiling up from the heart-shaped frame, arms around each other’s necks. And Stefan beside Elena, with them but somehow separate, his classically handsome face solemn. Meredith touched his face lightly with one finger, and Matt sighed. He missed Stefan. They all did.
“I thought if you had it, it would remind you of how much we love you. You’re one of us, whether you’re a vampire or a human. We’ll be here to help you remember who you are.” Matt licked his lips nervously.
“We believe in you.” Elena leaned forward to wrap an arm around Meredith’s shoulder. “And we love you.”
Bonnie nodded, reaching to pat Meredith’s back.
Meredith’s lips tightened as if she was trying not to cry, and then she blinked and looked up at Matt. “Thank you,” she said simply, and wrapped the bracelet around her wrist.
“Let me,” Alaric said, bending to work the catch.
“Touching,” Damon said dryly. “We all know the hunter’s as tough as nails, she’ll be all right.” His voice was flat, but his eyes lingered on Meredith with something that, to Matt’s surprise, looked almost like sympathy. “The important thing now is, what are we going to do about her maker? We know where Jack’s headquarters are, but we’ve got no idea how to kill him. And now he’s onto Meredith, so she can’t spy on him anymore.”
“Sorry,” Meredith said.
Damon’s shoulders rose in a languid shrug. “You tried. But what’s the next step?”
“The next step is me,” Elena said decisively. Her dark blue eyes were shining. “If we can’t beat Jack by fighting him, we have to figure out his weakness. Since infiltrating his camp didn’t work out, we have to find Siobhan.”
“But you’ve looked for her,” Bonnie objected.
Elena shook her head. “Not hard enough. I’ve been trying to pick up traces of her aura, and I’m beginning to think she’s left town. If Damon and I drive around the area, maybe I’ll be able to find something to lead us in the right direction.” She looked toward Zander, who had been hanging back, watching them all quietly. “While we’re doing that, can the Pack patrol Dalcrest and look out for vampires? Protect everybody?”
Zander nodded. “We’ll do what we can.”
Inwardly, Matt sighed a little. The Pack would patrol. Elena and Damon would hunt for Siobhan. Alaric, Bonnie, and Jasmine would search for a cure for Meredith’s vampirism. It would have been nice if Matt, for once, was able to really help.
But then Meredith looked up at him and smiled—a tiny, crooked smile, but a real one. “Thank you, Matt,” she said again, running her fingers over the bracelet. A spark flared in Matt’s chest. Maybe this time, it would all be okay in the end. Maybe.
Elena waited for everyone else to leave. When the others had gone, Damon pushed himself away from the table and looked at Elena expectantly. “Shall we hit the road?” he asked. “Start the hunt for Siobhan?”
“You go on without me,” she said. “I’ll meet you back at home, and we can get started.” He nodded once and strode off without looking back, as sleek and graceful as a panther.
Still Elena lingered, standing uncertainly by the counter as Alaric began to collect glasses and take them to the sink.
“What’s up?” Meredith asked finally, tipping her head back from where she was sitting to look up at Elena, her long dark hair spilling across her shoulders. “You’re hovering.”
“Walk me to the door,” Elena said quietly. She didn’t want Alaric to overhear what she was going to say. Let it be Meredith’s choice first.
Meredith arched one elegant eyebrow curiously and, for a moment, looked just like her old self. She got up and followed Elena.
Elena remembered her transition as a vampire. All the sensations tugging at you, the ever-present hunger. But it must be harder for Meredith, because being a vampire, the one thing she’d been raised to hunt and kill, would be the worst thing Meredith could imagine. The look of devastation on Meredith’s face, the way she pulled in on herself as if expecting a blow, hurt Elena to see.
And yet…
It wasn’t all bad, was it? Elena didn’t like to think about the fact that, except for Damon, her friends were getting older and she… wasn’t. They would become middle-aged, maybe have kids, get old. They would die.
But not Elena. And not Meredith. Not anymore. Wasn’t that something to be thankful for?
“Here,” Elena said softly. She felt in her purse and drew out a half-full water bottle. It felt the same as any other bottle of water in her hand, but the liquid inside shimmered, a tiny touch of gold to it. Meredith’s eyes widened.
“Is that…?” she asked hesitantly, and Elena nodded.
“It’s from the Fountain of Eternal Life and Youth,” she said. “I thought…” She felt weirdly uncomfortable. “For Alaric. Just in case. It’s hard, when one of you ages and the other doesn’t. I know, for me and Stefan…”
Elena hesitated again. It had been the right choice for her at the time. She hadn’t wanted to grow old while Stefan, by her side, stayed young and healthy, year after year.
When she had drunk the water, in a room filled with candlelight and sweet-smelling flowers, she had been filled with joy. She had chosen Stefan, and that was the moment of her promise—more than that, her sacred vow: They would be together, for eternity.
But now she was alone. Forever.
Elena’s breath hitched. She shook off the feeling. It wouldn’t be like that for Meredith and Alaric.
But Meredith stepped back, tucking her hands behind her back as if she was afraid to touch the bottle. Her lips were parting to speak, but then Alaric came down the hall. Elena could see from his face that he had overheard, after all.
“Thank you,” he said, and took the bottle from Elena’s hand. “Just in case.”
Elena hugged them both, briefly, and left them alone. She hoped she’d made the right decision. But Elena couldn’t make the choice for them.
It wasn’t the same, Elena knew that now. Not aging, not changing. The idea of living forever without Stefan hurt her, a deep sore ache that never left her for a moment. If she’d known that she’d be without him, she wouldn’t have drunk the waters. She would have chosen to live a normal life, to grow old, to grow up, to die.