Book the tour, sign the deal, do what you were made to do.
I clench my fists to keep from reaching for the phone. I can’t do it. I swore I’d never go back. I owe it to Connor. If he doesn’t get to play another show, then neither should I.
And there’s only one thing that can stop me making that call.
Alicia.
I feel a pang in my chest just thinking of her. She’s different; I’ve never met someone so honest, so open, so true. Her sweetness is the only balm I’ve found for the darkness. These moments I just spent lost in her kiss, her touch, her miraculous body -- they’re the closest thing to salvation I’ve ever known.
I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t make her stay; I only know I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.
I grab my jeans and take off towards the door at a sprint.
11.
ALICIA
I stand alone in the elevator, watching the floors tick past. Now that the haze of satisfaction is leaving my body, a whirlwind of confusion takes its place.
What did I just do?
I told myself I’ve been waiting all this time for a reason, saving my body for the man who has possessed my heart since the day we met. All these years, I’ve stayed strong, clinging to the distant hope we would be together; that he would wake up one day and realize the love of his life was right in front of him all along.
He’ll never be yours, I remind myself. You’re free to be with whoever you want.
But I want him, that much hasn’t changed. Dex might have made me forget him for a little while with his devastating dark eyes and wicked charm, but now that he’s not consuming my senses, driving me wild with desire, I remember everything.
Let it go, Alicia. How will you ever be happy if you keep running back to the past?
It’s crazy, I know, to be torn apart over something that isn’t even real, but I can’t help it. Guilt crashes through me as I realize what I’ve just done. I let myself get swept away -- surrendering my body to pleasure while my heart still aches for another man.
I’ve always prided myself on my loyalty and morals. But what kind of girl does that make me now?
Tears sting my eyes as I arrive in the lobby and hurry for the exit, my heels clattering on the marble floors as I fight a battle inside my mind. I know I can’t live this way, stuck in this cycle of disappointment and misery. I was happy with Dex. In fact, tonight was the happiest I’ve been in a long while: forgetting everything, losing myself in his commanding touch. There was a freedom in surrender, letting go of all my fears and doubts.
He told me it was just the beginning. I can’t imagine how it could be any better.
But then the phone call came, piercing through the bubble we’d created, reminding me that the world was still out there; my life hadn’t disappeared. All my confusion and doubts came rushing back in -- and for Dex, too. I don’t know what demons he’s been running from, but I could see in his anguished stare they were still lurking in the shadows, waiting to strike.
I falter at the memory of his pain, coming to a stop on the dark sidewalk just outside the building.
He’s upstairs still. Hurting. I could feel his conflict radiating from every muscle in that magnificent body, and now I can’t help but wish I could make it better for him somehow.
He’s not yours to help.
“Alicia!”
I whirl around. “Dex?” I gasp in shock.
He rushes out of the building dressed only in his jeans. His chest is burnished a dark gold in the night, his tattoo intricately webbing across his arm. “You can’t go,” he tells me, his breath ragged.
“People are watching.” I look around, seeing the looks from passersby.
“Let them.” Dex grabs my waist, holding me tight. “Alicia, please. You want to stay.”
My heart twists. “I told you,” I whisper helplessly. “I’m not this kind of girl.”
“You don’t even know who you can be.” Dex growls. “You’ve hidden yourself away all this time, pining over some man who doesn’t even deserve your love!”
I reel back. “Don’t say that.”
“It’s the truth, isn’t it?” Dex demands. His face is shadowed, determined in the dark. “You’re using any excuse to run, because this -- you and me -- this is real. And you’re scared to death to take that chance.”
His words echo through me. “You don’t know anything about me,” I protest, pushing weakly at his chest. The feel of his skin beneath my palms makes my breath stop, my stomach twist.
Oh, how I want him.
“I know you’re passionate, and honest, and the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met before,” Dex shoots back, his eyes glittering with passion. “I know you want me, but you’re clinging to the fantasy of a man you can never have. Are you really going to just walk away?” he demands, holding me against him, so I can feel the heat of his body, the force of his words. “I’m telling you, Alicia, you need to move on. We both do.”
I stare up at him, confusion crashing over me. I’m torn, my heart pulled in opposite directions. Everything he’s saying is true, but still...
How can I let go of the only hope of love I’ve ever known?
“Dex,” I whisper, feeling his name wash over me. It feels so perfect on my lips, but I know, deep down, it’s wrong.
It has to be. Something that feels this good can’t possibly be right.
“I made you a promise,” he tells me. “That I would show you pleasure like you’ve never known. Let me make good on that promise. I have a place at the beach, away from everything. Spend one week there with me, and I swear I’ll make you forget this other man is even alive.”