No, I realize with a sinking heart that Daniel would never understand. He could never imagine I could come undone from a single touch, or just the look of passion in a man’s eyes. He’d think I chose this: that I set out to cheat, and hurt him, with a clear mind. Like it was ever a conscious decision to fall into Emerson’s embrace.
So that’s it then, I realize, as the city comes into view. Lacey’s right. Hurting Daniel isn’t worth it just to absolve myself of my own, crushing sense of guilt. Not when this is a one-time mistake, and not ever going to happen again. It’s a burden I’ll bear alone. My future is here with Daniel. Cedar Cove and Emerson are all in my past.
They have to be.
* * *
I park on the street and let myself up to Lacey and my apartment. We’re off-campus, in a busy neighborhood, and when I walk in the front door, I find that Lacey has left the place in a messy whirlwind: dirty dishes in the sink and textbooks abandoned in a study nook on the floor.
I head to the bathroom, and run the shower hot; stripping off my shorts and pajama shirt, and stepping under the jets of water as if I can blast all memories of Cedar Cove off my skin with the trickle of sand down the drain. I lean against the tile, letting the hot water beat away at my body. It’s been over twelve hours since Emerson’s hands were running over me, but I can still feel the imprint they left behind.
The desire that shocked through me like lightening…
No. I scold myself. There’s no room for that in my mind, not now I’m back in the city. The only way I can keep my life together is if I scrub him out of my system for good. So, I try my best: lathering shampoo in my hair, and rubbing briskly at every inch of flesh with a loofah until my whole body is raw and fresh again.
In my room, I dry off, and lay out a new outfit. A preppy pencil skirt and silk blouse—a million miles away from anything I’d wear at the beach. I blow-dry my hair into a neat cascade, apply makeup, and fasten on the pretty gold and sapphire studs that Daniel gave me for our one-year anniversary. I look like my old self again: cool, collected.
Back in control.
I drive over to the college campus, and head to the law library. Daniel will have spent the morning in study sessions, but he takes a break for lunch around this time every day. I settle in to wait on one of the benches outside the library entrance, but it’s only a few minutes before he emerges, looking tired and distracted.
“Hey, babe!” I wave him over, and he brightens, just at the sight of me.
“Juliet, what are you doing here?” He sweeps me into a hug, and lands a soft kiss on my forehead, grinning. “You said you’d be all week.”
“I know,” I hug him tight, relieved at the feel of his body against mine. Safe. Secure “But I missed you. And, I need to check in with one of my professors about review notes,” I add, to cover for my unexpected return.“Are you heading back today?” Daniel asks, looking down at me. His brown hair is cut neatly in a stylish cut, and even on a study day—when the rest of his classmates are wandering around in PJs and raggedy jeans—he’s cleanly-shaven and dressed in a button-down Oxford shirt and preppy pants.
I breathe him in, the familiar clean scent of citrus and aftershave, and just like that, Cedar Cove recedes way to the back of my mind.
I don’t know what I was thinking, wanting to tell him about Emerson. I wasn’t thinking at all. I’d have to be crazy to f**k things up with a man like this. A good man who loves me—not the bastard who broke my heart.
“Jules?”
I blink. Daniel is staring down at me. He releases me from his embrace, and frowns. “I asked when you’re going back? Hey, are you OK?” He looks at me quizzically.
“Fine!” I answer quickly. “Just, tired, from the drive.” I catch my breath. “I’m not sure when I’ll go back. It’s so much work. Maybe it’d be better to get a packing service in,” I add, “The realtor said she knew some people.”
“I thought you wanted the time to study.” Daniel takes my hand in his and starts walking. I don’t need to ask where we’re going: he always takes his lunch break at a sandwich shop down the street. Roast turkey on wholegrain, mustard, no pickle. “You said it’d be easier to focus out there, with no distractions.”
Focus? Ha. There’s no way I’m getting any study done in that house, not with Emerson ready to come sweep me off my feet and slam me up against the porch door.
“I don’t know,” I give a vague shrug. “That house… there are too many memories.”
Memories of what, I don’t tell him.
Daniel gives my hand a sympathetic squeeze. “Whatever you want, babe. Maybe you should wait until after finals,” he suggests, sounding enthusiastic. “Then we could both go down together. Take a couple of weeks, have a real vacation. Pack up while we’re there.”
My blood freezes. Daniel and Emerson in the same five mile radius? Hell no!
“No!” I yelp. “I mean, dad wants to sell now. Like, in the next month. It’s sweet of you to offer,” I tell him quickly, “But it’s my problem. I’ll figure it out.”
“Sure you will.” Daniel smiles at me. “Hey, that reminds me. Your sister invited us to dinner with her and Alexander tonight. I said you were out of town, but I’ll let her know we can make it now.”
I stop. Just the mention of my sister is enough to make me tense. “Dinner? Really? I kind of just wanted to chill with you tonight.”