Awesome.
I watch Seth for a little while longer, trying to find the right way to apologize. I know I’m the one in the wrong. I know I should’ve told him my plans and I definitely shouldn’t have ignored him until I fell asleep last night, but what he said hurt me. I’m not selfish…I can’t be, not to him. I’ve given up so much for him. I chose him over my job. I chose working at the gym over my writing. I haven’t opened a Word document since we got together. I don’t have time. Between Mom, Seth, and the gym, I can’t do the things I want to do, but I’m happy with that. Is that selfish? Is being there for him selfish? I grit my teeth.
No.
Seth shifts, moving his arm and rolling onto his side. His face contorts in pain before straightening itself out. My muscles relax from a cramp I didn’t know I had. The thought of Seth waking up and being as angry as he was last night terrifies me. The dark, murderous look in his eyes when he stepped out of the shower last night is something I never want to see again. The sex was really good though, I can’t complain about that. I didn’t anticipate it happening, but he was so angry and intense and I wanted him to take it out on me, to punish me for leaving him. I reach out and run the tip of my finger over the back of his hand—the same hand that had gripped me so tightly last night as he fucked me hard and fast, sending endless amounts of electrical currents pulsing through me. I pull my hand back and squeeze my thighs together and wince at the tenderness. I’m a little sore, last night was…passionate, to say the least.
I sigh. Seth is used to getting his way and I know he expects me to cave in and apologize first…but I need him to know I won’t take him talking to me like that. I am his equal, not a child—even though my actions say otherwise.
I leave the bed and cringe at the ache in the muscles between my legs. Today is not going to be comfortable, that’s for sure. I tip-toe from the room and down the stairs. Surprisingly, Selena is here eating breakfast at the counter. When we got home last night, Selena and Jackson left to stay at her house…Had they come back? Had they heard Seth and I last night?
“Morning.” Selena smiles tightly, licking her spoon. “How’d it go?”
I run my hands over my face and lean on the breakfast bar. “We argued.” And had epic sex. “We haven’t really spoken since then…”
“Yeah, Jackson demanded we come back this morning so he can talk to Seth.” She flicks her head toward the backyard. “He’s been sitting out there for over an hour now.”
I look out the glass door and see Jackson sitting there on the chair, his face tired and worried.
“He didn’t sleep last night,” she adds.
“Poor guy…It’s my fault.”
I hear heavy footsteps coming down the stairs and my entire body goes rigid. Seth is either going to ignore us, which I can handle, or he’s going to lose his mind and kick the shit out of Jackson.
I don’t turn around to look at him as he steps into the kitchen and Selena drops her gaze to her bowl.
“Good morning, Selena,” he says coolly and I hear the fridge door open.
“Uh,” she mutters, confused. “Good Morning.”
I frown, looking over my shoulder and watch as he pulls a small bottle of milk from the fridge. He opens it and takes a long sip. When he puts it back, his eyes flick to me.
“I see waking up without you is becoming a routine.”
My eyes narrow in on him and Selena shifts uncomfortably in her seat. He waits for a response, watching me unapologetically. He’s not in the least bit uncomfortable about arguing in front of other people. Realizing I have no response for him, he strolls past me, running a hand over his chest and through his already disheveled hair as he steps outside and closes the door behind him.
“Well, that was awkward,” Selena mutters and bites her bottom lip as I glare at her.
We watch as Jackson rises from his chair. His lips move fast as he explains last night to Seth. With every word, Seth’s features darken and his hand shoots out, gripping Jackson by the collar and pulling him into him. Selena and I gasp, frightened a fight is about to break out. How the hell are we meant to stop that? Jackson remains cool and neutral—not scared, not worried—nothing. It’s like he’s been through this a million times. Seth drops Jackson and storms back into the house. Selena looks away again, pretending she wasn’t watching the interaction between the two boys. I don’t look away. As Seth’s dark gaze settles on me, I stare right back—sadly, getting a little heated by the intensity in his face. He marches past, keeping eye contact until he passes me and heads back up the stairs. When he’s gone, I pull a sour face.
“Wow, there really is a wedge between you two right now.”
I sigh. “You have no idea.”
“Why don’t you talk to him?”
“Because it’ll end up in an argument. He wants me to apologize…”
She quirks an eyebrow. “So do it. It’s your fault.”
Offended, I blow a gust of air out of my cheeks. “Geez, tell it like it is much? I’m not going to apologize first. He called me selfish.”
Granted, when I say it aloud it sounds childish and stupid, and the look on Selena’s face tells me I’m not far from the truth.
“I can’t apologize first. Not to Seth.” She doesn’t understand what he’s like. He thrives off power—he loves getting exactly what he wants. That’s why he smiled at me last night before I switched the lights out. He expects it from me, but he won’t get it until we’re on equal ground—until he engages me in a loving conversation.
She gives me another one of those ‘you’re a moron’ looks and I turn away from her.
“Do you have any clothes here? I need to borrow some,” I call over my shoulder.
“Yeah, in a bag on Jackson’s floor,” she replies when I’m halfway up the stairs. “Apologize, O. It’s your fault.”
I roll my eyes and finish climbing the stairs. I sneak into Jackson’s room and find Selena’s bright purple suitcase open on the floor. Thankfully, Selena has been wearing jeans and shorts more often since being with Jackson, so when I fish through her clothes, I easily find a pair of jeans and a light cotton shirt to wear to work. I take the clothes to Seth’s room and fortunately for me, he’s in the shower. I get changed, managing to only just pull the shirt over my head as he enters the bedroom. I fight hard against the urge to let my eyes roam his body. I want to. I want to push him onto the couch and lick him everywhere, tasting his clean skin on my tongue as he entwines his fingers in my hair, pulling until my scalp burns.
“Olivia?” His rough voice snaps me back to attention and I realize I’m staring.
Goddamn it!
“What?” My voice comes out a lot more frustrated than I expected it to and I feel like an idiot.
“Are you ready?” I take in his fully clothed body, embarrassed that I completely zoned out thinking about all of the things I’d do to him.
“Yep, let’s go.” I whirl on my heel and stroll from the room.
In the car, neither of us speaks. It’s stupid, really. We aren’t mad anymore, but we’ve started a war we want the other to finish. Seth knows I’m competitive, like I know he’s competitive, and I can only see this game ending badly, but I can’t swallow my pride.
Not yet.
***
I flinch away from the training room window as Seth slams his fist too hard into his partner’s ribs. I see his flesh ripple and his ribs bend, reacting to Seth’s force. The guy drops to his knees and Darryl bangs on the cage, throwing his clipboard across the room. Gritting my teeth, I push open the training room door. Seth knows to keep the windows blacked while he’s sparring, I don’t want to see it—not unless I have to.
“You’re injured!” Darryl shouts. “If you keep going full strength, it’s going to take longer to heal, do you understand?”
On the sideline, Jackson shakes his head at me, warning me off, but I’m not going anywhere.
“Will you take it easy?” I demand, approaching the ring and crossing my arms.
Seth turns his sweat-coated body in my direction, instantly making my breathing quicken. His chest moves quickly and his eyes are dark, like fresh coal.
“I can’t keep hiring spar partners because you break your old ones. They’re humans, not toys!”
He watches me for a little while, his intense eyes never relenting, before he turns away. When his partner catches his breath and rises to his feet, they square off again. To further my point, I stay rooted in my spot and watch them circle each other. The guy launches forward and Seth sidesteps him, driving his fists twice into his partner’s side and the other straight into his face. My insides clench, sending waves of fear curling through me.
Like a tree cut from the base, he sways minutely before crashing to the ground with a loud thud. Seth casually turns to face me and I swallow down the sickness I feel in the pit of my stomach as he approaches the edge of the cage. He crouches, getting as close to eye level as he can.
“When you’re ready, I’m going to need a new one, and if it’s not too much to ask, get me one that can actually take a punch.”
And just like that I’m transported back to the first time I met Seth. What a spoiled, aggressive asshole! I completely forgot what a major dick he can be.
“Do it yourself.”
I storm from the training room, slapping the button to blacken the windows before I exit. I don’t look over my shoulder, even when I hear him snap my name. Perhaps our game has gone too far. We’re pushing each other now, deepening a disagreement that could have been resolved before we got up this morning, and unless this ends today, who knows what it’s going to do to us in the long run.
***
I leave the gym in a huff. The good thing about being your own boss is you can leave whenever you want. Although I don’t think Seth will appreciate it too much—or maybe he’ll be relieved I left.
I pull into Mom’s driveway and turn my car off. I linger for a moment, thinking about Seth and how he’s acting. To be annoyed with me because I went behind his back and refuse to apologize is one thing—it’s almost harmless—but to physically hurt someone else to get back at me is not okay and now I have a whole new reason to be mad.
I exit my car and enter through the small, white picket gate. Beneath my feet, pebbles crunch and grind together. I like the sound. It reminds me of home…of Dad. I pull my key from the back pocket and unlock the door. Even though Mom is home, I’d hate to wake her if she’s napping. As the front door opens and I step inside, she shifts on the couch, drawing a tissue to her face. I quickly shut the door behind me and step toward her.
“Sorry,” she sniffles. “I wasn’t expecting you to be home this early.”
I drop into the couch beside her, pulling her into me. She rests against me, patting her red face with a tissue. I often see her cry…and it never gets any easier. I purposefully avoid the home video playing on the TV and I hear Chase and I sing in the background.
“Happy birthday dear Daddy, happy birthday to youuuu!”
His young laugh fills my ears and my eyes begin to well. I never thought I’d hear it again, and it’s a marvelous sound, but it’s still too soon for me. I’m not ready to hear him, not when I’ve only just been able to stomach looking at photos of him. I swallow and my chest hiccups as I press my tongue to the roof of my mouth.
“Sorry,” Mom apologizes, shutting off the TV. “I thought I’d be okay seeing him by now.”
“Dad died, it’s never going to be okay…and that’s okay.”
She wraps one arm around me and it feels bony. Mom has lost a lot of weight since Dad’s funeral. She’s never been a big girl, but she sure as hell hasn’t been as tiny as she is now. I hold her for a little while longer. I think I almost fall asleep and before I fully drift off, I’m jolted awake as Mom shifts away from me.
“Are you hungry? I have chicken wraps in the fridge.”
Stifling a yawn, I shake my head. “I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night so I’m probably going to take a quick nap.”
Her eyes widen. “Seth, that’s right. I’m so sorry, darling. I completely forgot. How is he? Is he okay?”
I lick my bottom lip against a smile. For someone who seems to be so indifferent about him, she sure is worried.
“He’s fine—more than fine. He’s still his usual asshole-ish self.”
“What happened?”
I don’t want to go into details with Mom so I give her the simplest, quickest version I can. “Seth has a long history with another fighter and last night it came back to bite him in the ass.” I roll my eyes unintentionally and Mom frowns.
“You’re not happy?”
“I’m happy Seth is okay…after I saw him last night and he fell asleep, I went to see the other guy.”
“The one that hurt Seth?”
I nod. “I told him that we had the whole thing on camera, he lost his mind, and when I got back to Seth’s, he was mad and we fought and then went to sleep. When we woke up, we were still mad at each other and we have been all morning.”
She pinches her earlobe and the pretty pearl earring between her thumb and index finger. “You didn’t apologize?”
“Apologize? Mom, he called me selfish.”
“You left him while he was asleep to go and see the guy that hurt him…it’s not exactly selfless. Why’d you do it?”