The door opened, and Ava heard Luke come out. Hoping the long grass on the bank of the river would hide her, she scooted back away from the water. She needed a moment alone to collect her thoughts and her energy.
I might've overstated the level of my disinterest....
That was hardly an admission of burning desire. She was female and convenient, nothing more. She'd be better off sleeping with Geoffrey again.
Maybe she wouldn't see fireworks--she never had before--but she wouldn't be left sad and broken, like her mother.
"Ava?" he called.
She didn't answer. Go back inside. I'm too emotional to deal with you right now, too tired to shore up my crumbling defenses. She didn't want to think, be cautious, take care. She wanted to abandon all reservation and grab the pleasure that was within reach. But acting that impulsively was almost always a mistake. And that kind of mistake almost always came with a high price.
"Ava, you might as wel answer me. I'l just keep looking until I find you." His footsteps made hollow thuds as he strode to shore on the pier.
But when he reached land, he turned the opposite way, so Ava took off her shoes and slipped down to put her toes in the river. It wasn't the cleanest water in the world, but she was tempted to dive in, anyway. She swam in it quite often, and she wasn't alone in that. Water-skiers used it all the time.
Maybe the cold water would act like a slap in the face--give her some more fight.
"Ava! Damn it, don't make me root around like some idiot."
It was childish not to respond. So, as much as she preferred to be left alone, she called out to him. "Go to bed, Luke."
Hearing her voice, he came toward her, eventually dropping down by her side. "What's going on?"
"Nothing, really--just the story of that hitchhiker, I guess. It was so depraved. It brings back the clients I've lost." That was partially true. Bella's situation wasn't the same as Sarah's, but her death felt close right now. So did the fact that Ava could've helped prevent it simply by offering her some support.
"You've got a tough job," he said.
"It needs to be done."
"Maybe it would be better left to someone less sensitive. Someone who doesn't care so damn much about everyone and everything."
She was too intense. She'd heard that before. It frightened people, especially easygoing men who liked to take life in stride and not look too closely at the unpleasant. Men like Luke; men like her father. "I know. But the fact that I care is what drives me. I can't be one thing without the other."
He plucked a blade of grass and put it in the corner of his mouth.
"Okay, you're probably doing what you should be doing. But that doesn't make it easy."
The call of the water suddenly proved too strong to resist. It was a way out of the conversation, an escape from his proximity.
Or was it a dare? It had to be a dare because what she was going to do wasn't about escaping from Luke, but getting exactly what she wanted.
Standing, Ava stripped down to her underwear. She would've kept her bra on, but it was expensive and she didn't want to ruin it with river water. She turned away from Luke as she removed it and dropped it in the weeds, then held her hands over her br**sts as she waded in.
Luke didn't move, but she could feel his escalation of interest. "How's the water?" he called, as if she hadn't just surprised the hell out of him.
She ducked under, came up and flipped her hair out of her eyes.
"Chil y but...refreshing."
"Being able to take a quick dip whenever you want is sort of convenient. With your neighbors off fishing, you don't even have to wear clothes."
"The isolation has other benefits," she said. "Peace. Quiet. Privacy.
No roots."
"A lot of women like roots," he said, pointedly.
"Not me. I prefer not to get attached."
"Even to a location?"
"Even to a location." Somewhere along the line she'd lost the ability to grab hold and hang on--to anything. Her father had abandoned her to appease his sexual appetites with woman after woman. Her mother had disappointed her in the worst possible way. Her stepfather had always been too hard to put up with. She'd learned to navigate without anchors and had been doing it for so long she was afraid of taking one on. There was the weight, the confinement, the fear of enjoying some security at last, only to be cut loose when she least expected it. She never wanted to find herself flailing around, trying to regain her bearings. She could tolerate anything but that.
"Are you doing this to me on purpose?" he asked.
She could feel his stare, but she knew the water was inky black. He couldn't see anything except her head--and he could see that only because there was a full moon. "Doing what?" she asked, as if she hadn't known from the beginning how this would affect him.
"Driving me crazy?"
"You can go in the house, if you want." Part of her, the sane part that wasn't sabotaging her future happiness, prayed he would.
"I don't want to go in the house. I want to make love to you. But after what I've been through, I need a very clear invitation. Is that what this is?"
She found the muddy bottom and stood up as far as she could while keeping her br**sts submerged. Of course it was an invitation, but it was an invitation she wasn't sure she should be extending. "Maybe," she said.
He got to his feet. "What does that maybe depend on?"
"I'm stil trying to decide."
"Is Geoffrey the reason you're hesitating?"
"No. We agreed to date other people several months ago. We've just never really acted on it."
Luke moved to the water's edge. "Maybe it's time." He stripped off his shirt and tossed it behind him. Ava could see his muscular torso in the light of the moon and wondered why she'd been foolish enough to provoke him.
Soon there'd be no going back....
"Oh, shit," she muttered to herself. But she'd asked for this.
"Would you mind if he was with someone else?" Luke asked.
How could she care when she was staring at Luke's bare chest? She couldn't even recall Geoffrey's face right now. "I don't think so."
Luke had already unsnapped his jeans, but he paused before taking them off. "Would you rather be with him?"
Of course not. Or she wouldn't have removed her clothes in front of Luke. But could she really say that?
"Ava?" he prompted when she didn't answer.
"No," she admitted, and that was all it took. The jeans came off, and Luke stood there in nothing but a pair of boxers.