James had suffered through some rough stuff of his own, but I wasn’t privy to the details of it, and I’d never be boorish enough to ask.
But I had seen his sex tape (before I knew either of them, mind you), and I knew he was into some seriously kinky shit.
From what I’d gathered, he’d introduced Bianca to said kinkiness, and it seemed to be a lifestyle that worked for both of them.
Even as I had the thought, I saw him fingering her collar, his eyes on hers, the two of them so immersed in each other I doubted they even remembered where they were.
What I’d give to have a man look at me like that, with his whole heart in his eyes.
When I lay down to sleep that night, in my big empty bed, in my big empty house, my mind lingered on my marriage.
Why had I not expected more from my husband? How had I settled for such a sterile marriage and not held out for something like what I’d witnessed tonight?
The only answer I could come up with was that I’d never seen it, hadn’t known that love like that was out there to look for in anything aside from fiction.
My parents were good people, but they’d had a sterile marriage themselves, and though their parting had been more amicable than mine with my ex, it had been just as inevitable.
I’d always known their lack of love for each other was why I’d been obsessed with romance novels since I was fourteen. It only just occurred to me then, though, that their loveless marriage had perhaps inspired my own.
The twenty-year-old me that had settled for Eduard had never seen anything like the way Tristan smiled at Danika, the way James looked at Bianca, the way Stephan doted on Javier. I’d always been attracted to the idea of a love like that, but that’s all it had been to me—an idea.
The realization made me sad, but I could hardly regret my marriage. My children were my everything.
Still, I felt a small change in me that night, a slight shifting, as the resolve in me stiffened. I’d be alone the rest of my life before I’d settle for less than a man that flat out adored me.
CHAPTER EIGHT
A FEW WEEKS LATER
I ran into Dair at the market, and we wound up going for coffee again. We chatted easily, and I marveled that I could know someone for so long, be interested in them, and have things stop dead at friendship with every encounter.
It was the polar opposite of what had happened with Heath.
I knew that wasn’t good. I should want to pursue something further with Dair. That would be the healthy urge, because clearly Dair was a good guy, and there was a potential for a future between us.
Instead, I was relieved when we parted ways with just a brief hug a few blocks shy of my house.
I should have felt disappointed that he didn’t mention going out sometime, or calling me sometime, or doing something, anything, that could be considered a date somewhere down the road.
Instead, I was stuck firmly at just being disappointed that I wasn’t disappointed.
I was almost to my house when I felt someone move in close behind me.
I nearly jumped out of my skin when a gravelly voice said close to my ear, “Who was that guy?”
I swung around, hand flying to my chest, wide eyes on an agitated looking Heath.
“You scared me,” was the first thing I said. But the first thing I felt upon seeing him was much more embarrassing.
I was so relieved. Whatever had happened between us, that crazy, passion fueled lunacy from weeks ago, I didn’t want it to be a one-time deal.
What I did want I wasn’t focusing on. It was way too soon for that. I’d settle for relief that the thing I didn’t want hadn’t come to fruition.
“Are you dating that guy you were just with?” he asked, eyes moving over my face like he was looking for something, like he could read me like a book.
Could he?
God, I hoped not.
“Um, no. He’s a friend. I ran into him at the grocery store, and we went out for a coffee. What are you doing here?”
“I was heading to your house.”
“Oh.” I smiled. So it wasn’t a chance encounter. He wanted to see me again.
It was pathetic how relieved and downright happy I was about that.
I licked my lips and watched his eyes move to my mouth. “I could make us a late lunch.”
His jaw clenched like he was bracing himself for something. “I don’t think I have time for lunch.”
My breath stuttered out of my chest. I blinked once, and that one blink was like a light switch. I went from being me to this sexual creature that just couldn’t get enough. “What do you have time for?”
He didn’t even bother to answer, just took my hand and started pulling me.
And I let him.
Dammit, once I again, I was going to make this way too easy for him.
But one look at his agitated face had left me with an agitated body. The man could make me wet with one look. It wasn’t lost on me how twisted it was that that look was a scowl.
Heath angry = Me turned on.
I really hoped that wouldn’t turn into a thing for me.
We barely made it into my house before he was on me.
He pinned me to the door, pushing my arms above my head, holding them there with one hand, mouth crashing into mine, and started working my pants down my legs.
He was in a hurry.
I was right there with him, desire pooling heavy in my belly, my entire body throbbing for him.
My trembling, erect nipples were pointing straight at him. They were begging him. I didn’t have to utter a word. I doubted I’d keep them in for long, but they were unnecessary. My body was doing the talking here.