“Are you okay?” he asked. “Sasha?”
She couldn’t hold her turmoil inside anymore. She shoved her hands into her lap so he couldn’t see her shake. “Yesterday at the tea party I realized something, and it scared me.”
He waited patiently.
“I’m only strong enough to submit to you.” She shook her head. “So, I don’t think I should stay here any longer. I need to use the information and methods you gave me to prepare myself to serve others.”
Because that had been the intent of the retraining—to prepare her to serve other Doms. Besides, Cole had said multiple times, he wasn’t looking for anything serious.
His hands fisted on the table. “That’s not what you were going to say before the tea party, was it?”
“No, Sir.”
He swore under his breath. “Sasha, if I’ve deterred you from serving other Doms, you have to know that was never my intent.”
“I know it wasn’t. I think—I think the problem is you set the bar so high, no one else can come close to reaching it.”
“Maybe you bring out the best in me.”
She laughed, but it sounded strangled to her ears. “You did say once it would take a certain kind of Dom to handle me.”
“I remember.”
“You wanted to talk about something last night, too.”
He waved his hand. “Not important.” But his expression belied his words. “Do you want to finish out our two weeks, or would you prefer to go back home now?”
It took all her strength to look him in the eyes when she spoke the words that ripped her apart inside. “I want to go home.”
“Are you sure? I could bring in some other Doms. Allow you to get a feel for someone else.”
God, no. Anything but that. It was bad enough to think about submitting to someone else, but to do it in front him?
“Please. Let me go home.”
• • •
Her apartment felt odd.
Not in the sense that someone had broken in or was in her apartment, but rather it was the absence of a particular person. She felt the difference as soon as she crossed the threshold, and it only intensified as the day went on.
Almost all of her time over the past week and a half had focused on him: his needs, his wants, and his preferences. Without that, she felt a bit incomplete. Her fingers itched with the need to write her thoughts down and after she’d scribbled out a page and a half of her feelings, she laughed.
He’d told her before that he wanted to weave his way into his submissive’s mind and that’s exactly what he’d done with her. Hell, look at her, she was writing!
She shook her head at the absurdity and picked up her knitting. Now that everything looked good for Jeff and Dena, she could finish her gift without hesitation.
She worked so intently that she accidentally dropped everything when her phone rang. Muttering a few choice words, she checked the display.
Cole.
Her heart pounded and her finger trembled as she answered.
“Hello,” she said.
“Hi, Sasha. It’s me. Just wanted to make sure you made it home and got settled.”
She fought the urge to tell him everything. If she was still at his house, she would have. But she wasn’t, and she told herself not to act like she was.
“I’m home and trying to get settled.” It was close enough to the truth. “Just different now.”
“I imagine so. I’m here if you want to talk. Or maybe you should chat with Abby.”
“That’s a good idea. Or maybe Dena. I’d have a captive audience that way. It’s not like she can get away, being on bed rest and all.”
He chuckled. “True.”
It was too strange talking to him on the phone. They should be in the same room. She should be kneeling at his feet and his hands should be in her hair.
Footsteps sounded outside, alerting her that someone was coming to see her. She sighed. Probably Julie.
“I think Julie’s outside, I better go.”
“I’ll call you tomorrow, before the meeting?” he said and she felt she should tell him there was no need. He wasn’t her Dom or even her trainer. But she wanted to hear his voice, especially before the meeting, so she agreed before they said their good-byes.
She opened the door before Julie could knock. “Hey, honey. I’m home,” she said to her surprised friend.
“I thought I saw your car,” Julie said, stepping inside. “Everything okay?”
Damn, she was tired of everyone asking that. “My goal is to one day have someone look at me and say, ‘I don’t even have to ask how you’re doing, it’s written all over your face.’”
“I only asked because you’re back sooner than I thought you would be.”
They sat down on the couch. Sasha took a pillow and hugged it to her body. “We covered everything we needed to.”
Thankfully, Julie didn’t comment on her vague reply, but she raised an eyebrow. “You’re still wearing your training collar.”
Sasha didn’t want to think about that just yet. It would be hard enough to deal with tomorrow. “There’s a brief meeting before the party. Cole’s going to take it off then.”
“What’s it like, being a slave?”
“It’s wild and decadent and raw. It’s intense and scary and sensual. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, yet I’d do it again in a minute.” She closed her eyes and allowed herself just a moment to remember how it’d felt.
She looked up to find Julie sitting absolutely still. “That good?”
“That great.”
Julie started to talk, but stopped and stood. “I better get back downstairs. I just wanted to see you real quick.”
• • •
Sasha dreaded the play party, but not nearly as much as she dreaded her meeting with Cole, where only a handful of members would be present. He called her an hour before, but she once again kept it short. He no longer had a need to know everything she was thinking and feeling. She was allowed to keep some things to herself. But she soon discovered keeping things to herself only made her stomach hurt.
Though she really didn’t fathom what a stomachache was until she found herself kneeling once again before Cole in front of the other senior group members.