He told me I was wrong. 'For,' says he, 'madam, as I said before, I
have a wife and no wife, and 'twould be no sin to me to wish her
hanged, if that were all.' 'I know nothing of your circumstances that
way, sir,' said I; 'but it cannot be innocent to wish your wife dead.'
'I tell you,' says he again, 'she is a wife and no wife; you don't know
what I am, or what she is.' 'That's true,' said I; 'sir, I do not know what you are, but I believe
you to be an honest man, and that's the cause of all my confidence in
you.' 'Well, well,' says he, 'and so I am, I hope, too. But I am something
else too, madam; for,' says he, 'to be plain with you, I am a cuckold,
and she is a whore.' He spoke it in a kind of jest, but it was with
such an awkward smile, that I perceived it was what struck very close
to him, and he looked dismally when he said it.
'That alters the case indeed, sir,' said I, 'as to that part you were
speaking of; but a cuckold, you know, may be an honest man; it does not
alter that case at all. Besides, I think,' said I, 'since your wife is
so dishonest to you, you are too honest to her to own her for your
wife; but that,' said I, 'is what I have nothing to do with.' 'Nay,' says he, 'I do not think to clear my hands of her; for, to be
plain with you, madam,' added he, 'I am no contended cuckold neither:
on the other hand, I assure you it provokes me the highest degree, but
I can't help myself; she that will be a whore, will be a whore.' I waived the discourse and began to talk of my business; but I found he
could not have done with it, so I let him alone, and he went on to tell
me all the circumstances of his case, too long to relate here;
particularly, that having been out of England some time before he came
to the post he was in, she had had two children in the meantime by an
officer of the army; and that when he came to England and, upon her
submission, took her again, and maintained her very well, yet she ran
away from him with a linen-draper's apprentice, robbed him of what she
could come at, and continued to live from him still. 'So that, madam,'
says he, 'she is a whore not by necessity, which is the common bait of
your sex, but by inclination, and for the sake of the vice.' Well, I pitied him, and wished him well rid of her, and still would
have talked of my business, but it would not do. At last he looks
steadily at me. 'Look you, madam,' says he, 'you came to ask advice of
me, and I will serve you as faithfully as if you were my own sister;
but I must turn the tables, since you oblige me to do it, and are so
friendly to me, and I think I must ask advice of you. Tell me, what
must a poor abused fellow do with a whore? What can I do to do myself
justice upon her?' 'Alas! sir,' says I, ''tis a case too nice for me to advise in, but it
seems she has run away from you, so you are rid of her fairly; what can
you desire more?' 'Ay, she is gone indeed,' said he, 'but I am not
clear of her for all that.' 'That's true,' says I; 'she may indeed run you into debt, but the law
has furnished you with methods to prevent that also; you may cry her
down, as they call it.' 'No, no,' says he, 'that is not the case neither; I have taken care of
all that; 'tis not that part that I speak of, but I would be rid of her
so that I might marry again.' 'Well, sir,' says I, 'then you must divorce her. If you can prove what
you say, you may certainly get that done, and then, I suppose, you are
free.' 'That's very tedious and expensive,' says he.