"Mrs. Thornton found out. She gave me a terrible talking to. I am afraid
I was very insolent.
"But she came up that night of the Assembly and warned me that you were
down stairs. I was playing in Polly's room. We had all danced two or
three times and then slipped up to the next floor by different stairs and
lifts. I liked her better then. Of course she did it for your sake, not
mine. But she's a good sort, not a cat.
"You have not noticed, but I have not bought a new gown this season
except that little gray one and this--which was made in the house. I
dared not pawn my jewels, for fear you would miss them.
"I have been in hell.
"Then--it was that evening you heard maman reproach me for breaking my
promise--I had lost a dreadful lot of money and Nick had scurried round
and borrowed it for me. I didn't know then that he meant all the time to
get hold of the ruby--I am sure now that he cheated and made me lose.
"Well, I sent the maid away that night and told maman. She was nearly off
her head. I never saw her excited before. Then she told me the truth. I
felt as if I had been turned to stone. But I felt suddenly cool and wary.
I knew I must keep my head. It was as if my father had suddenly come
alive in my brain. I had never lied to you before, merely put you off.
But how I lied that night! I felt possessed. But I knew I must not be
found out, and I made up my mind to stop playing as soon as I came out
even. If I had known that my father and my grandfather had been gamblers
I never should have touched a card. I'd far rather have drunk poison.
"I made up my mind then, and there to stop and I felt quite capable of
it. But I had to go on and square myself, for I owed that money to Nick.
But when I played it was with my head only. All the fever had gone out of
my veins. I loathed it. I loathed still more deceiving you.
"I won and won and won. I thought I was delivered. I was almost happy
again. Some day I meant to tell you--when it was all over.
"Then I began to lose horribly. Thousands. It ran up to twenty thousand.
I did not betray myself, and the girls thought I had money of my own and
could pay my losses quite easily. They didn't know that Nick always
helped me out. He was never the least bit in love with me--he couldn't
love any woman--but he said I played such a wonderful game and was such a
sport, never lost my head, that he wouldn't lose me for the world--when I
threatened to stop and never play again.