“Jace said she stayed here at home until the end,” he said, not recognizing his own voice. “She didn’t want him spending so much time in a hospital. She wanted him to still feel like a kid. He was only seventeen when she died.”
Lilly touched Nate’s arm, and he flinched at the contact. She started to pull away, but he grabbed her hand and held it in place. He might not know exactly what to do with that comfort, but he felt instinctively he needed it.
“Sometimes, I wonder if she could have lasted longer, even beat the cancer, if I’d been here to help. Maybe then she would have stayed in the hospital and gotten the treatment she needed.”
“No.” Lilly touched his chin and forced his gaze to meet hers. “You have to stop thinking like that. Those kind of thoughts…they’ll eat you alive.”
“Can’t help it,” he murmured.
Her eyes glistened and she wiped them with the back of her wrist and looked away. “If you had any idea how many times I thought like that as a kid—what if I’d walked a little faster coming home? What if I’d have taken the time to see she was sad and broken and irreparable, and gotten her some help instead of being pissed at her all of the time?”
Nate wiped a tear from her cheek and his heart thumped painfully in his chest. “Sweetheart, don’t.”
She shook her head and her teary gaze clashed with his. “It took me a long time, but I realized there was nothing I could have done,” she said. “My mother went so long thinking the only way she could be happy was with my father. But he never had any intention of being with her, or loving her, or giving her the life she deserved. When she realized that…no one was going to stop her from doing what she did. Just as no one, especially an eighteen-year-old kid, could have stopped that cancer from taking your mother. Don’t tarnish your memories of her with regret, Nate. She deserves better than that. You deserve better than that.”
Had he really hurt this amazing, wonderful woman? How could he have done that to her? And how could he hurt her even more by leaving her again in a few days, abandoning her, just as both of her shitty parents had done?
Fuck. He was in too deep with her. Way too deep.
Normally, this was the part where he’d run like hell…but…he just couldn’t do it.
He leaned in and kissed her softly. He knew this shit wasn’t easy to talk about, and he was guessing she didn’t do it often. Her honesty gave him courage.
“Thank you,” he said.
She nodded, and he led her up the stairs, his heart beating against his ribs as he climbed each step. He stopped outside his mother’s room and braced his hand on the doorframe. She’d died in this room. Fuck. He was shaking like a damn coward.
Lilly touched his arm and he turned. “I need to get something from this room, for Jace,” he said. “I don’t want— Can you…?”
“I’ll wait here.”
He nodded and breezed through the door, half expecting it to still smell like his mother. The fact that time had robbed him of her special scent split his chest with disappointment. He quickly located the jewelry box on the dresser, right where Jace had said it would be. The pretty wooden box had blue doves carved on the lid. It had been a Christmas present from his father, handmade somewhere on the other side of the world.
Nate grabbed the necklace from inside and strode from the room. He couldn’t linger here with the walls closing in on him. Not yet. Maybe he could work up to it later.
Lilly straightened away from the banister where she’d been leaning and approached him slowly. “You okay?”
He nodded and showed her the necklace. “Jace is going to give it to Hayden as a wedding gift.”
Her lips parted and her fingers caressed the gold chain and the small locket, and she smiled fondly. “She’s going to love it. Your brother is a smart guy.”
Nate chuckled and rolled his eyes, carefully slipping the necklace into his pocket. “Please don’t tell him that. I’ll never hear the end of it.”
“Oh, you have some good qualities, too, Mr. Jennings.” She smoothed her hands over his chest, and to his surprise, desire sparked under her touch, drowning out the rest of his chaotic emotions. Giving him a much-needed reprieve from the pain.
“Oh yeah?” He raised a brow, took her delicate hand in his, and held it against his heart. “Like what?”
She blinked up at him and the air between them suddenly felt charged. Heated. That bone-deep connection between them flared to life, making him crave the feel of her skin against his.
Her heartbeat sped against his. “You’re a good man, Nate Jennings. You’re a royal pain in the ass, but you’re still a good man.”
His chest squeezed tight. He wanted so badly to believe her. “I don’t see it.”
She touched his face, traced his lips. “I do.”
His heart twisted painfully. God, he needed her. More than the air in his lungs. More than he needed to get to this damn wedding. He needed her.
Now.
“I want to show you something,” he murmured.
“What?”
He leaned in close and whispered, “My room.”
He took her by the hand and led her down the hall, and held open the door for her. She walked in and stopped next to his bed, glancing around with a nervous laugh.
“What?” He shut the door behind him and leaned against it.
“It’s just…very mature. Not what I expected.” She touched a model plane on his dresser and spun the little propeller.
“And what did you expect?” he asked, coming up behind her and sliding his hands around her hips. He rested his chin on her shoulder.
“I don’t know… Posters of Heidi Klum taped to your ceiling?” She inspected a picture of him and his father fishing at the lake. He took the photo and placed it facedown on the dresser. No ghosts. Not in here, and especially not right now. Right now, all he wanted was to lose himself in her and forget everything else. Make her understand how sorry he was for hurting her.
“Jennifer Love Hewitt,” he corrected. “And my mom must have taken it down after I left.”
Lilly turned in his arms and looked up at him, amused. “So…you had a thing for brunettes, huh?”
He reached behind her and wrapped his fingers around her ponytail, giving it a tug to tilt her head back. Oh, he was going to enjoy her hair like this.
She gasped as he leaned down to drag his lips up her throat. “I was young and foolish. Now I have a thing for smart-mouthed blondes with a penchant for pissing me off.”
He felt her body tremble. “You do?” she whispered.
“I do.”
He lowered his lips to meet hers in a slow, languid kiss that left him wanting so fucking much more.
He took his time, tasting and savoring every whimper and moan that escaped her mouth. His hands gripped her hips, probably too hard, but she wasn’t stopping him. If anything, she was urging him on, rocking into him, searching for the contact that would take them both over the edge.
Damn it, he needed her. He needed the closeness, the connection, the comfort he found when his skin was against hers. He knew this wasn’t a good idea. He was already on the edge, and he should tell her he was leaving before things went too far.
But he couldn’t stop. Not when he knew she wanted him, too.
He backed her up to his old bed and pushed her down onto the mattress. “Smart-mouthed and gorgeous.”
She gazed up at him and pulled her bottom lips between her teeth. “So, am I the first gorgeous, smart-mouthed blonde you’ve ever had in this bed?”
He popped open his belt and unbuttoned his jeans. “You’re the first and only girl I’ve ever had in this bed.”
She sat up, surprise in her gaze, putting her mouth level with his cock. He released a shaky breath as she slid her palms up his thighs. “You never brought a girl home?”
“Never,” he said, and had to clear his throat. “Do you really want to talk about my old girlfriends right now?”
Her gaze dropped to the erection straining against his unbuttoned jeans and she shook her head. “Nope.”
She crawled up onto her knees and he met her halfway, kissing the breath out of her, pulling her against his body, every part of him fitting perfectly against her.
This was the feeling he needed. This—the way she fit him like a damn puzzle piece. Like she belonged here. She belonged with him, as part of him.
But he was leaving. And she was going to hate him when she found out.
Chapter Twelve
Nate lost count of the downed trees and power lines they passed on their walk back to town. Seeing the storm damage firsthand made him thankful he’d gotten Lilly out of the elements last night. She might have been traumatized by the sleazy motel room, but at least she’d been safe. Hell, he wasn’t even a vegetarian and no way could he have fallen asleep with that damn dead deer staring down at him. If they couldn’t get the truck back today, he had to find somewhere better for them to stay. He wouldn’t subject her to that again.
He knew getting his truck repaired quickly was a long shot, but maybe if they camped out in the garage’s waiting room, the guy would get his act in gear and they could make it to the wedding before Jace and Hayden left for their honeymoon. He hated that he was missing out on the extra time he’d wanted to spend with his brother. It had been the entire reason for his driving up three days early. God knew he wasn’t going to get another chance anytime soon.
If ever.
“What’s going on?” Lilly asked as they approached the small auto shop. He released her hand and strode forward, toward the chaotic sea of people gathering outside the volunteer fire station next door.
“Looks like disaster relief,” he said, stopping her at the open garage door. A sight that was all too familiar.
“Oh, my God. Do you think anyone got hurt in the storm?”
“I hope not,” he said. “Wait here.”
He jogged through the crowd, his search-and-rescue instincts kicking in. A few men were attempting to manage the crowd, handing out bottles of water, blankets, and cleaning supplies. A crew of weary firefighters who looked as if they’d been working through the night were offering medical aid under a Red Cross tent.
“What’s going on?” he asked an older man with graying hair.
The man took off his baseball cap and wiped the sweat from his brow as he pointed down the street. “Storm hit hard. That half of the town is without power. A few neighborhoods were flooded.” He glanced at Nate’s dog tags. “You based at Quantico?”
“No, sir. Camp Lejeune. My father was based out of Quantico, though. I’m just in town visiting.”
“Greg.” He offered his hand and Nate gave it a firm shake.
“Nate Jennings.”
“Have time to give a hand, Nate?”
He glanced back at the entrance to see Lilly watching him, a proud little curve to her lips. She gave him a nod, then turned and headed toward a group of women sorting donations.
Nate looked back at Greg. “Yes, sir. Put me to work.”
An hour later, Nate was drenched in sweat, hauling supplies off the third truck to come in, and helping distribute everything from food and water to cleaning supplies. For the first time in ages, the darkness had faded to a barely noticeable pulse in the back of his mind. Seeing so many people helping one another, and knowing he was a part of it, hit him deep. This was something his father would have been proud of him for.
They’d only endured one storm when he was a kid, but his father’d had their whole family on a cleanup crew before the clouds had cleared. For so long, Nate had been lost and mired in his mistakes, and he hadn’t taken time to do anything that really mattered.
Watching the Marines who had come in from the base to lend a hand reminded him of how much he missed being part of a team. Existing for something bigger than himself.