She couldn’t move. Right then, she realized he’d been right, about the running. She wanted to run, before his hold on her heart got any tighter.
He leaned closer, until she could see his eyes. The smile was gone. “Do you want me to let you go?”
No. Never. She closed her eyes and nodded.
A hesitation, then, “I think you’re lying.”
She was. But in what freakish world would a guy like Gabriel Merrick be standing with her in the dark, at the water’s edge, sharing kisses and secrets?
He closed that space between them again, until the line of his body just brushed hers. She couldn’t breathe.
“Do you want me to let you go?” he said again.
She swallowed. “No.”
He dropped his head and ran his lips along the edge of her jaw, and the warmth of his breath made her shiver and lean into him. His hands slid down her arms to catch her waist.
She froze and grabbed his wrists.
He went still and spoke against her skin. “Does it hurt?”
Layne shook her head, feeling fire on her cheeks for an entirely different reason. She kept hearing Ryan’s voice. She’s all deformed under there.
God, she hated him. Them. Everyone.
Don’t cry. Don’t.
But her emotions were all over the place, and she could barely keep them contained. She didn’t even realize Gabriel had pulled her along the path until she felt wood planks against the backs of her knees, and he was saying, “Sit.”
A bench. She sat. The wood felt rough through her tights, but sturdy. The tears had held back so far, and she said a quick prayer of thanks.
“You should probably take me home,” she said.
He leaned in to brush the hair back from her face, and it felt so good that she wanted to catch his hand and hold it there. But she didn’t.
“Do you really want me to?” he said.
No, she didn’t. She shook her head and looked out at the inky water.
He leaned closer. “Want to play more truth or dare?”
I dare you to kiss me like that again.
“Truth,” she whispered.
“Truth. Hmm.” He stroked his thumb against her mouth, then brushed his lips against her cheek, moving to kiss the curve of her ear. “Who’s a better kisser? Me or jerkoff Stacey?”
It was so unexpected that she burst out laughing. “You,” she said. “Ugh, he was all slobbery and ”
“Okay, okay, don’t need the visual.” He paused. “Truth.”
She sobered. “Do you think I’m a freak?”
“No.” He was playing with the edge of her turtleneck now, running his finger along her neck in a way that made her wish she’d said to hell with the scars and had worn a tank top.
But then she caught his hand again. “Don’t you care?”
“Care?”
Anger had her shifting on the bench, ready to unleash the rage she should have poured into that idiot by the pool. “That I’m all deformed?”
“I think you’re beautiful,” he said. “I’ve wanted to kiss you since the day you fixed my test, when you stood up to me in the hallway.”
She brushed his hand away. “You have not.”
“Yes. I have. I didn’t even tell Nicky about you, and I tell him everything.” He paused, and his voice found an edge. “Almost everything.”
Layne studied his profile in the darkness. He’d told her this morning that he and his twin weren’t speaking. She wondered what had happened there.
But that edge in his voice warned her to tread carefully. If she asked, he might not tell her, and this tentative trust would be shot to hell. They’d be back at square one.
She didn’t want to turn back. Not now.
“I’ve never told anyone everything.” She took a deep breath.
“I’ve never told anyone any of it.”
Everything felt fragile again. She stared at him in the darkness, wanting to take that final leap, unsure whether he’d catch her.
And then, just like when she was bolting blindly for the water, he did.
“I’ll keep your secrets,” he said softly.
She looked back at the water. “The fire was a retaliation against my father. He’s a good attorney, but he doesn’t win everything. Some guy went to jail, and his friends were mad. I don’t know all the details, because I was five, and my dad doesn’t like to talk about it. Because Simon is deaf, he can’t hear smoke detectors. There was fire everywhere they’d thrown glass jars of gasoline into the house. When it all started, my mother went looking for Simon. She didn’t know my father had already gotten him out. And she was so busy searching his room that she didn’t even think to check mine. The firemen pulled me out, but it was too late. I’d climbed into my closet, and the wall burned through the back ”
Her voice broke, and she told herself to knock it off. It’s not like she hadn’t lived with this for years. “I remember waking up in the hospital, and my mom was crying. She kept asking me, ‘Why didn’t you get out, Layne? Why didn’t you get out?’ For years, I felt so guilty, like I’d done something wrong. I did everything I could to please her, like wearing the perfect little clothes she’d buy me, or with the horseback riding, going to every perfect little show she wanted. It wasn’t until I was twelve, when everyone was wearing those stupid shirts with the shoulder cut out, you know? I wanted to wear one. I begged for one, and she finally snapped, ‘But, Layne, people will see your scars. What will they think?’
“I felt like such an idiot. All those boots and long-sleeved dresses. Horseback riding, for god’s sake! One of the only sports you have to do fully clothed! I’d been so desperate to please her that I never realized she was trying to hide her mistake. But by then I’d been hiding the scars for so many years that I had to keep them a secret. What eighth grader wants to walk into school and declare she has scars all over her body? But people noticed anyway. I mean, when you wear long sleeves in May, people start thinking you’re weird. But I stopped wearing her fancy clothes. Every time she bought me something, I knew it was a cover-up for the scars.”
Gabriel was quiet for a moment. “How the hell do you live with her?”
“I don’t.” Layne paused, unsure whether to keep going. This next part was fresh, and the hardest. “She walked out the week after school started. Moved in with some guy she’d met at the country club. She told our father she was sick of trying to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. Get it? She was sick of trying to make a perfect family out of a bunch of freaks.”
“So now you’re stuck with your father.”
She swung her head around, hearing the derision in his voice.
“My dad’s not usually like . . . like he was with you. He’s going through a lot. My mom was a bitch to him, too, but I don’t think he ever thought she’d cheat on him. She always blamed him for the fire. She wanted him to quit his job and he’d counter that she loved spending the money. She was the one who put Simon in a private school, saying it was better for him, but I finally figured out that he was just one more imperfection she was trying to hide . . .”
Gabriel reached out and ran a finger along her cheekbone, and she didn’t realize until then that she was crying. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t know.”
“No one does.” She sniffed. “Until now, and Taylor’s going to put that stupid video all over the Internet.”
“It’s Friday night. People will forget all about it by Monday.”
He paused, running a finger across her cheek again. “And I’ll be surprised if people even believe it’s you.”
She looked up at him. “You will? Why?”
He picked up a curl of hair from her shoulder. “Because you haven’t just been keeping the scars hidden; you’ve been keeping sexy Layne hidden.”
“I am not sexy.”
“You’re lucky I didn’t jump you when we were sitting on the tailgate.”
“Shut up.”
His hand found her knee, and he leaned in to kiss her neck.
“Really, you’re lucky I’m not jumping you right now.”
His hand slid along the outside of her thigh, not too high, just inside the hemline of her skirt. The touch stole every thought from her head. “And you’re not . . . you’re not freaked out . . .
by the . . . um . . .”
“No. I think you’re beautiful. And I’m no stranger to f**ked up families.”
And then he was kissing her again. The addictive pull of his mouth almost had her crawling into his lap. Her hands bunched in his shirt, pulling him closer. His fingers didn’t venture higher, but teased along the edge of her skirt, brushing against her so lightly that she almost couldn’t stand it. She’d never thought anyone would touch her this way she’d never wanted anyone to touch her this way. But now that he was being so careful, the building heat in her body made her want to rip all her clothes off.
Layne always rolled her eyes in health class when they talked about hormones getting out of control. But right now, she could barely remember her name. She totally got how someone could forget something like a silly little condom.
Suddenly Gabriel was laughing. “How someone could forget what?”
She almost fell off the bench. “I said that out loud?”
“Yeah.” He leaned closer, his breath against her jaw. “Just what were you thinking about?”
“Health class,” she squeaked.
His cell phone chimed. Thank god.
Gabriel sat back to fish it out of his pocket. It threw light on his face, but she couldn’t figure out his expression.
“What’s wrong?” she said.
He shook his head. “Nothing.” He held up the phone so she could read the text. “Nick wants to make sure you’re all right.”
She read the screen.
All OK w the girl?
She took it out of his hands, oddly touched. “But he doesn’t even know me.”
“Nick’s like that. Always does the right thing.”
She glanced up from the phone, hearing the tension in his voice. “You still owe me a secret.”
“One is enough for tonight.” He took the phone back and tapped out a quick text. The phone chimed almost immediately, and he sighed and shoved it into his pocket before she could see what his brother had said.
She tried to figure out his expression. “You all right?”
His voice was closed off now. “I should probably take you home, before your dad sends out a search party.”
So that was that. She bit at her lip, wondering how to fix this.
He stood. “It’s late.”
Oh. Loud and clear. She nodded. “Okay.”
But when they were walking, he reached down and took her hand. “You doing anything tomorrow?”
His fingers were sending bolts of electricity up her arm, and she shook her head. “I don’t think so.”
He leaned down and brushed a kiss against her temple.
“Maybe if you actually use that number I wrote in your notebook, we could figure something out.”
Gabriel sat in the car, staring up at his house for the second night in a row. The porch lights were on, but the lower level lights weren’t. The front step: empty. Both front windows on the second level were dark, but one was Chris’s and one was his, so that didn’t mean much.
He’d been tempted to drive to Hunter’s, but that would probably give Michael an excuse to report him for auto theft or something.
And then there was the subtle accusation in Nick’s second text message.
Gabriel pulled the phone out of his pocket and looked at it again, like he couldn’t remember three words.
You coming home?