“Nat?” I scooped her into my arms and sat down on the bed rocking her body back and forth. “What’s wrong, sweetheart? Are you sick? Are you okay?” I kissed her forehead. I would do anything to protect her. I hated it when she cried. In fact, the last time I even remember her crying was when my brother was in the hospital for nearly getting himself killed in a car accident.
“No.” She wiped my nose with my sleeve and gave me a watery smile. “I’m so scared of losing you, and you aren’t being yourself, and…” She started hyperventilating. I cursed and helped her to the floor, so I could sit behind her and brace her body. I wrapped my arms tightly around her middle.
“Baby, it’s okay,” I whispered in her ear. “Just close your eyes. Can you do that for me?”
She nodded and hiccupped. I could feel her body convulsing with emotion. What the hell was wrong? Nat was a part of me. It was ripping my soul in half to see her so sad. Shit. Did she know? Did Demetri know? Now I was beginning to hyperventilate.
“You and me, just you and me. Okay, Nat? I love you so damn much. My heart beats for you and before you crack a joke about me being cheesy — know that it’s true. I’ve wanted you since that first day when you stumbled down the hall.” I tucked her hair behind her ear and shuddered as her breathing became slower.
“I didn’t—” She gasped for air. “Stumble.”
She would argue in the middle of a panic attack. “You’re right. You fell. Flat on your gorgeous face. Could have knocked out your teeth too. Good thing I was your knight in shining armor.”
“You were not!” she argued as her breathing seemed to level out.
“Was too. Shh, you’re ruining the story.” My arms tightened around her. “And then when I sang to you… wow. You almost swooned right then and there.”
“I never swooned.”
“You wanted to swoon.” I chuckled at the memory.
“Alec—”
“—tsk, tsk, who’s telling the story?”
She sighed and took another deep breath. Her body sagged against mine in defeat.
“…I never told you, but…” My lips found her earlobe and then her neck. “I wanted to taste you so bad that day at school that I didn’t care. I didn’t care if I was going to hell. I didn’t care that I was hurting my brother. I didn’t even care that I was forcing your hand and putting you in a position where you had to choose. All I knew was I wanted you. Crazy, huh? My heart beat, her, her, her, over and over again. Every damn night until I thought I was going insane.”
“It beat for me?” she asked in a small voice.
How could she still not get it? How was it possible that she still didn’t know the way I felt about her?
“It still does. Every damn day, Nat. The day you said yes, the day you chose me, was the day that my heart stopped wanting to beat for me… it wanted to beat for you — only you — forever.”
A single tear ran down her cheek. “But, you’ve been so distant and weird and you’re smiling and—”
“People smile, Nat.” I could feel my control slipping. What if I just told her? Would she believe me? Believe my ridiculous story? It would make things so much easier. If I told her then… well, the fear that she could find out would be gone. Then again, she may never forgive me for ruining her life, for ruining our future — for ruining Demetri’s. I closed my eyes and lied. “And I’m stressed about the show and Demetri. Hell, it’s like I’m everyone’s dad. I’m just trying to figure out life.”
“I thought we were supposed to figure it out together.” She turned and got on her knees to face me. “Isn’t that what you do in relationships? You partner up? Fight for the greater good? Suffer together? Laugh and cry together? Isn’t that what we have, Alec?”
So much truth fit into her pleasant words. It sounded easy. But I knew it wasn’t. I knew that her words were just words that any person says when they’ve lived the perfect life. We can get through anything? Damn, Nat. I wish that was true. God, how I wished it. “Come here, sweetheart.”
She straddled my lap and sighed as my hands traced her face and finally cupped her chin. Nat needed the words. She needed the truth, but all I could do was lie again and hope to God that it would someday become truth. Because as of right now, I felt her slipping even further away from me. “What we have is more.”
“Promise?”
“With all my heart.” My voice caught as the words stumbled out of my mouth. Shit. I couldn’t go on like this. “I would never intentionally hurt you. You know that, right?” I played with a lock of her hair, twisting it around my fingers.
“I know.”
“Good.” I sighed. It was good enough for now. “Now, if your moment of hysteria is over… I think we should pop some champagne, eat some food, and be lazy.”
“Yes!” She yelled in my face, making me shake my head in laughter. “Sorry. I was bummed that we were going to miss lazy whore day today.”
“Me too.” I chuckled and patted her butt. “Okay, up. Let’s tell Mr. and Mrs. Smith what we want.”
“You.” She shrugged.
“Unfortunately, they still refuse to put me and Demetri on the menu. Weird, right?”
“I’ll lick you anyways.” She nudged me as we walked to the door.