“Like what?”
Kill himself? Break Nat’s heart? Cheat?
I let the question go unanswered, but I knew Alyssa and she knew me. I swore she read minds. She held me and I held her. It was all I had. The comfort of someone I loved, while I was freaking out over a family member who I knew was only one shit storm away from becoming a hell of a lot more unstable than I ever was.
I was just waiting for the dam to break.
And hoped to God it would be in his favor.
Chapter Six
Alec
Crap. What the hell were we going to do at a bed and breakfast? We could eat, but we couldn’t really sleep, not if we had that stupid restaurant opening in a few hours.
My control was seriously slipping. I flexed my hand and began reciting the states in alphabetical order. Other than burying myself deep in the girl I loved — it was the only way I could relax. Running had stopped working, and I knew it was absolute insanity to run fifteen miles a day. Singing helped, but we were supposed to be acting, not singing. Alabama, Alaska, Arizona…
I took the stairs two at a time. Arkansas, California… Thankfully, the elderly couple was already waiting for me in the main dining room.
“Alec!” Mr. Smith came forward with arms open. I hugged him and then kissed Mrs. Smith on the cheek. There were only a few guests and most of them were over the age of sixty. They probably thought I was the Smiths’ grandson.
The familiar smell of the restaurant calmed me down. “I need a favor.”
“Anything.” Mrs. Smith pinched my bicep and winked. “Now, what can we do for you?”
What could they do? Oh you know, erase a few nights from my memory and convince Bob, my bodyguard, to assassinate the one person who could ruin my entire freaking existence with one push of a button. “Um, how about a room? Something nice? I want to spend some time with Nat away from everything.”
“Done.” Mr. Smith walked over to the main desk and pulled out a key. “Enjoy yourselves.”
I reached for my wallet to pull out my credit card, but he held up his gnarled old hands. “Oh no you don’t. You’ve done so much for our business already, son. This one’s on the house, alrighty?”
“Please. Let me pay.” I offered one last time. Charity made me feel nervous, like I couldn’t control the situation. Wow, I had issues.
“Nope. That’s final.” Mr. Smith held out his hand for me to shake it. I wanted to shake it. Instead, I just stared at it and told myself to stop freaking out. It was a free room for a few hours, not a house. Smiling, I reached for his hand and shook it.
“Thank you.”
“Have fun! And let us know what you want for your meal.” Mrs. Smith waved goodbye as I turned and jogged back out of the building.
Nat was in the middle of the patio, her blonde hair blowing in the wind. I could watch her forever. She tucked her hair behind her ears and crossed her arms. She had no idea how precious she was to me — or how deep she had etched herself into my soul. I couldn’t help but wonder… would she curse me later for that very thing?
I tried to push the dark thoughts away, but it was hard. My brain felt fatigued, probably all that alphabetizing. I managed a smile as I walked up to her and whispered, “Surprise,” dropping the key into her hand.
“You bought me a car! You shouldn’t have!”
I paused. “Wow, never actually thought about it. Do you want a car? I guess I could buy you a car. Would that make you happy?” I smirked at her eye roll. “Would you jump up and down and possibly make out in the backseat with me?”
“Maybe.” She blushed.
“Would you scream my name over and over and over again?” I kissed her hard on the mouth. “Would you be mine forever and always?” Damn, I was losing my mind. The need to be with her was trumping everything. I knew it was wrong. I was using her. Using the way she made me feel in order to push away my demons. But nothing else was working. Not the pills, not my ridiculous staff of people that I pay millions to keep. Nothing. Only her kisses, her touch. If I was going to hell, I wanted to take every shred of this feeling with me.
Nat exhaled and pulled back. “Yes. I would.”
“And all because of a car?” I squinted, trying to calm my heated body down. “Hmm, too bad this key doesn’t lead to a car. But…” I grabbed her hand. “I think you’ll still feel the same way when this afternoon is over with.”
“Oh? That confident, huh?”
I stopped and pulled her into my arms for another earth-shattering kiss. “Extremely.”
I released her and led her inside the building. I found our room, unlocked the door, and allowed her to go in first. Nat stopped in the middle of the floor. She silently took in the room. A roaring fire was in the corner fireplace, and we had a perfect view of the ocean.
“Beautiful.” She sighed.
It wasn’t that I couldn’t hear her, it was that I was lost in thought. This is what she should have had the moment I took her virginity, something beautiful, something special. Instead I’d taken her again and again, and now? Now all I could think about was the salty taste of her skin against my tongue. When had I turned into the type of person who used others that way? People that I loved?
“Alec?”
I sighed and walked toward Nat. She was facing the sliding glass door, staring at the ocean.
I assumed her silence meant she was stunned and excited.
Instead I watched in horror as her shoulders slumped and she caved to the floor on her knees. Her sobs filled the room.