“It’s more than all those things, Holly. I feel like it’s bigger than that. What if we can’t come back? What if we’re not those people anymore?”
“Why are you talking like you’re not the same person, Kadence?” she snaps. Her frustration isn't lost on me; I've seen the same look on Nix's face.
“Because I’m not, Holly. I'll never be that person again.”
“Are you sure? 'Cause the Kadence I know is still sitting in front of me. She might be scared, hell, even a little uptight, but she’s there. Don’t try to deny it. I’ve watched Nix bring you to your highest, hold you in your darkest, save you from your lowest and he has never faltered. He has never looked away, or said it was too hard. Your man worships you. How can you not see this? Open your eyes, woman. You are here. You are here and you are living it.”
She’s right. I do know this. Jesus, I live this. Maybe I just needed to hear it from a different perspective. Yeah, my body has changed, but it wasn’t perfect to begin with. The way Nix looks at me should be enough to prove how much he wants me, but I guess the last few months I lost a lot more than I thought I did.
“You’re right. I know that man loves me, Holly, but I’m afraid I’ve pushed him too hard, for too long.” I wipe at my face in anger, my tears failing to wash me clean of any wrongdoing. We’ve come so far. I know that connection we’ve always had isn’t lost. It’s just sitting hidden; hidden under my insecurities, under my own doubt. I’m the one holding back. How could I ever doubt Nix?
“Well, lucky for you, you’re married to Nix Knight, and you could probably push him off a cliff and he’ll come right back.”
I smile at her analogy because I know she’s right. Nix has proven himself over and over.
“Now, come on. We need a full makeover and we need to clean the cobwebs.”
“What cobwebs?” I ask, taking a steady breath. I’m ready to do whatever I need to do in order to reclaim my man.
“From your vagina, Kadence.”
I laugh at her forwardness but don’t argue, because I agree. I need this. I need to let go, to help us get back to where we were.
“Okay, let’s do this.” I nod, ready for Holly’s expertise.
“Good. Now show me this lingerie.” She moves back to the bed with her own smile on her face. “I want to see boob. Lots of boob.” Her laugh almost wakes X, and still I don’t argue. I follow her orders, praying her confidence pays off.
Dear God, it better. I have a date with my husband.
With Nix Knight, President of the Knights Rebels.
God, I’ve missed that man. I think I should stop trying to push him off the cliff.
***
“Hey, baby,” Nix whispers as he climbs in bed behind me. “Did you get my text?”
“Yeah,” I yawn, turning to face him. “What time is it?”
“Just after two.”
“Everything okay?”
“Fuckin’ shit goin’ down. Club business.”
“Anything I need to know?” I ask, knowing he hates talking shop, but he will share if he thinks I need to know.
“Beau brought a woman and kid to the clubhouse yesterday.” He rests his head back against the headboard.
“One of his pickups?”
“Yeah, only this one belongs to another club.”
“What other club?”
“The Warriors.”
“Shit.” The Warriors are a rival club, one the Knights have always had trouble with. They struck a truce last year and now this shit? This isn’t good at all.
“Yeah,” he sighs. “Gotta shit storm brewing. I can feel it.”
“What was he thinking?”
“He wasn’t. Says he had the opportunity to save her, so he took it.”
“So, what now?” Panic rises in my chest. King and his men might have come to a truce with Nix and the Rebels, but you mess with them, a truce means nothing.
“We wait. Nothing connects us to her. Got her set up at the safe house,” He assures me, pulling me into his body. “I do need you to get some baby shit together though.”
“Okay. I’ll ask Holly, too.” I rest my head against his chest.
“Good, Jesse is gonna head up tomorrow.”
“Is this bad, Nix? Should I be worried?” I close my eyes, waiting to hear his response.
“You have nothing to worry about. King and I are good. As long as we keep her hidden, it’s not gonna come back to us.”
“I don’t like this, Nix.”
“I know, but trust I got this. Not gonna let anythin’ happen to you, okay?”
Trust. That trust word again. The first step at getting back to where we were.
“I trust you, Nix.”
“Good. Now go back to sleep. We have a hot date tomorrow.” I smile into his chest. Yes, a hot date. How could I forget?
“I’m very excited,” I yawn, shifting back into a good position.
“You should be,” he jokes, and I chuckle. “Don’t worry, babe. I got you.” He pulls me closer to his front.
“You always have me,” I whisper, feeling myself fall into the dark bliss.
“Never not gonna have you, Kadence. Would fuckin’ die before I didn’t have you. Now go back to sleep,” he orders again, and that small flutter of lust stirs in me.
Yes, that trust, it’s coming back.