“All right, back to business. You really worried about Beau?” I follow them out, done with talking about my less-than-stellar performance in the bedroom.
“You don’t see him, Prez. Each time we go on a pickup, he gets worse. I’m just saying we need to watch him.”
I nod, thinking back on the last few years. Since he lost his sister, he’s been fucked up, but he’s worked through a lot of his shit. We all have.
“Right, well, let’s find him.”
“Find who?” Beau walks in the door, right on cue and thirty minutes late.
“Where the fuck you been?” I turn to ask, but don’t let him give me an answer before I’m barking at him again. “Who the fuck is that?” I point to the small woman by his side. Her face is down, hiding her eyes, but from the angle, I can still see how fucked-up she looks. Her blonde hair is matted, with blood stained through it, but what freaks me out the most is the baby she’s holding in her arms.
“Fuck, Beau.” I shake my head. I don’t know who he brought into our club, but by the look on his face, we’re in trouble. A whole lot of fucking trouble.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Kadence
“So, what do you think he has planned?” Holly asks from my bed as I proceed to tear my closet apart. Both babies are sleeping: Low, in her crib, and X sleeping in the pack ‘n play next to Holly. Z is over at a friend’s house. Holly came over for lunch when I received the text from Nix telling me we have a date on Valentine’s Day. At first, I was shocked. Nix hasn’t spoken to me like that in months. His alpha-way of getting his point across has always been a weakness of mine, and reading it in his message, I could just hear his voice demanding that come Valentine’s Day, I will be his. Insecurities or not, the way things have been between us these last few months had me jumping off the sofa and running straight to my closet at just the idea of a date
“Dinner? I don’t know.” I shrug, still not finding anything decent to wear. “I won’t be going anywhere if I don’t find anything.”
“Oh, please. Have you seen your closet?”
“Oh, please. Have you seen my ass?” I counter, throwing a pair of jeans over my head.
“Jesus, did your ass ever fit into these?” Holly laughs when I growl. “Come on, Kadence, you look great.”
“Doesn’t change the fact nothing fits.”
“You’re being dramatic.”
I roll my eyes as Holly holds my small jeans against her. “I say, forget stressing over the clothes. Let’s talk about the lingerie.”
“Oh, God. No. I’m not even looking in that drawer.”
“Why not?”
“Holly, nothing I own will cover my boobs.”
“Even better,” she smiles, bouncing her brows.
“I wish I was like you.” I drag my ass over to the bed and flop down.
“Kadence, I don’t know what the issue is. You had a baby. It doesn’t change anything. Nix still likes playing hide the salami.” I give her a look telling her there has been no hiding of any one’s salami.
“What is that look? You’ve had sex, right?” She drops the jeans, eyeing me closer. Well, there’s no point lying.
“No.”
“WHAT?” she shouts, stirring X for a moment.
“What?” I answer back.
“Kadence, what the hell is going on? How long has it been?”
“What, five months?” I shrug as if it’s no big deal.
“Don’t you dare lie to me.” She crosses her arms, waiting for the truth.
“Ughhh,” I groan, hating that I can’t lie straight. “Fine. Eight months.”
“Fuck, no wonder you’re a—” I don’t let her finish.
“A what?”
“Kadence, you have Nix, Nix fucking Knight in your bed every night, and you just shrug like it’s no big deal?”
“Well, there’s been a few things happening,” I snap. A part of me agrees with her, but I can’t help feeling defensive.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” She moves toward me, awkwardness growing in the air. “You’re feeling good now, right?”
“Yeah, we’re in a good place. Low is good. She’s doing really well. It’s been so long. I just don’t know what’s happening. Every time we try, I tense. Nix freaks out and then the moment’s over.”
“Oh, God, girl. You need help.”
“I know.”
“So what’s the issue?”
“I don’t know. I freak out about my body. Maybe he won’t find me attractive. I know he loves me, Holly, but I can’t control what I feel inside. I’ve tried.”
“Kadence, you’re so messed up.”
I look up at her, shocked she would throw that back at me.
“Oh, God, not like that,” she rushes out, and I smile carefully. Only she would put her foot in her mouth.
“I know it’s messed up. I just don’t know how to fix it. I can’t relax enough. It’s just too much pressure.”
“I understand pressure, Kadence. When Sy and I first had sex after losing the baby, it was after a long build-up of sexual tension. I get your insecurities. I do. But Nix is your husband. Trust me. He’s not looking at you thinking your thighs are thicker. He doesn't count your stretchmarks, nor is he worried that your boobs are bigger. Okay, he is totally loving your boobs, but that’s not the point. He’s looking at his wife, the mother of his child. He loves you, Kadence."