“Hayley, wait.” he pleads. His expression is one of guilt. But guilt over what exactly? Having sex with me or admitting that it’s all he wanted me for?
I see another emotion flit across his features but it’s gone before I can determine what it is. Our eyes meet for the last time and I do something I’ve never done with anyone else before. I touch his cheek. And then his lips. “Goodbye, Kyle.” I whisper. I’m not sure why I say it, or why I touch his face that way, but for the first time ever I feel something else, something new.
Regret.
Horns break through the memory and I jump in my seat. The traffic light in front of me is green but I was too distracted to notice. I ease forward into the traffic, ignoring the swear words being thrown in my direction by other drivers. I check my rearview mirror again, to make sure Ari is okay, and find her staring out the window, still singing her song. I’m silently grateful that the only reminder I have of her father is her brown eyes and that her dark curls and fair skin come from me. Not that it would’ve mattered. The day she was born I knew I would love her forever, regardless of who she looks like.
I stop in the small parking lot outside the daycare center and take a deep breath to steel my nerves. I don’t want Ari to see how terrified I am. I want her to see that I’m brave, even if that’s the last thing I feel. I climb out and open Ari’s door. She looks up at me and smiles, all her new teeth on full display. “You ready to make some new friends, monkey?” I ask her while unbuckling her car seat.
Her eyes widen, filling with excitement and curiosity. “Yes mommy! You a monkey!” she squeals, giggling.
I let out a little laugh. “Oh, really? If I’m a monkey, then what are you?”
Her little eyebrows scrunch before she answers. “I’m a pwincess,” she proclaims. I take her bag from the back seat and pull her onto my hip.
“Yes,” I reply softly, placing a kiss on her forehead. “You’re my little princess.”
Chapter 2
~ Cameron ~
I roll over in bed and immediately feel hands all over my lower body. I don’t need to open my eyes to know who it is, or what she’s doing, because this is a regular morning wake-up call for me. Rachel’s mouth trails down my stomach, lowering until her hot breath blows over my morning wood. My cock jerks, a little sensitive to the heat of her mouth, and she giggles.
“I see someone’s a little eager for some play time,” she purrs. I open one eye and look down the length of my body to where her head is. Her grin is seductive, and sexy, yet something about this feels…old. The only excitement I feel is the physical kind, but I’d be an idiot to turn this down. I watch her mouth wrap around the tip of my cock and drop my head back as a groan escapes from my mouth. I reach down, grabbing Rachel’s bleached blonde hair, and guide her until my tip hits the back of her throat. I wonder idly if Rachel would still wake me up like this if we were actually a couple, or if she only does it in the hopes that I’ll make whatever we are ‘official’. If that’s the case, I see many more mornings just like this in my near future because as far as mine and Rachel’s relationship status is concerned, we’re nothing more than ‘fuck buddies’, as my best friend Noah likes to call it.
My hips jerk wildly and I screw my eyes shut as my orgasm rips me into shreds. When I manage to calm my erratic breathing, I open my eyes to a very naked Rachel straddling my waist. She leans down to kiss me and I oblige. There is no spark, no electricity. Nothing. At least not from my side. I’m willing to bet Rachel is hearing wedding bells right now. Too bad I couldn’t care less. She rubs herself on me, sliding up and down, getting me hard again. Her moan should encourage me to take care of her, like she did me, but I feel no such inclination. I sit up, grab her hips, and pull her from my waist. “I’m going to shower,” I say callously. “I have to take Jordan to daycare before class.” Her pout becomes a scowl.
“What about me?” she asks petulantly. I climb out of bed, not caring that I’m buck ass naked, and look at her over my shoulder.
“Maybe later, babe,” I shrug.
She huffs behind me. “You’re such a jerk, Cam.”
With an eye roll, I walk into my bathroom. “You knew that when we started fucking around, Rachel. Feel free to leave,” I half-yell through my bathroom door. The sound of the shower turning on drowns out whatever obscenity Rachel is yelling and I focus on nothing but the water. It provides the kind of refuge I find when I’m in the pool. A thrill passes through me at the thought of a new swimming season starting. I never stop training, but there’s something exhilarating about a new competitive season that makes my pulse race. Our first meet, which is at home, is in two weeks against Vanderbilt and will be the perfect excuse to spend more time in the pool than at home. My mother won’t like it, but she’ll understand. It’s too difficult being here. The last two years have haunted me. My guilt and self-contempt plague me, as do the memories of how I ruined our perfect family. At least when I’m in the pool, I don’t think, I don’t feel. I just glide through the water, free of, well, everything.
I step out of the shower and dry myself off. When I walk back out into my room, Rachel is nowhere to be found and I sigh in relief. I would hate to kick her out, especially after the killer blowjob she gave me, but I don’t tolerate drama and that girl thrives on it. There’s no need to add to the rigid atmosphere that holds us captive in this house. I dress quickly, pack my bag and make my way downstairs. My classes only start at eleven, but I have to take my three-year-old nephew, Jordan, to daycare and then meet Noah at the coffee shop on campus. I walk into the kitchen and find my mother sitting down at the breakfast counter, her back to me. Jordan is propped up in his high chair with a bowl in front of him. The chocolate cereal decorates his mouth as well as every surface around him.
“Oh, Jordan, eat nicely!” my mother admonishes with a shake of her head. Jordan laughs, finding my mother hilarious, and she can’t help but laugh with him. I listen to the sound of her laughter filling the kitchen for the first time in two years. I wish she’d laugh more, it’s a beautiful sound, and so is the smile I know that accompanies it. But I’m the reason she doesn’t laugh anymore. And it kills me.
“Mornin’, Mom,” I greet.
“Cameron!” My mother shrieks and jumps in her chair, spilling more of Jordan’s cereal. “You’ll give your momma a heart attack sneaking up like that!” She turns to face me, her hand resting on her chest, and gives me her full, mega-watt smile.
“Sorry, Mom,” I chuckle. “I didn’t mean to scare you. I just came down to grab some coffee before I take Jordan to daycare.”
“That’s fine, honey,” she says, turning her attention back to the squealing toddler in front of her. “We’re almost done here. Jordan is obviously finished with his food because now he’s just playing with it and making a mess.”
“Have you heard from Candice and Brett?” I ask, thinking about my sister. They decided to take one last holiday before their second baby is born and my mother was only too thrilled to have Jordan for the week. I had to admit, having the little man here seemed to lighten the mood in the house, maybe even breathe a little more life into it. I fill a mug with freshly brewed java and lean my hip against the counter. My mother cleans Jordan’s face and pulls him out of the high chair. As soon as his little feet hit the ground, he sets off running in my direction. I put the coffee mug down just as he hits my legs and I catch him, lifting him into my arms.