Brushing soft kisses across my face, he whispered, “I’m going to go really slow, okay? Let me know if you want to stop.” His kisses put me on a cloud, but I needed more. As if he could read my mind, he reached into his nightstand drawer and pulled out a foil packet, quickly opening it and rolling it on. He positioned himself between my legs and whispered I love you one more time before I felt him ready to enter me. He looked right into my eyes as he moved in slowly. It burned as he continued to slowly push inside, but his tenderness was drowning all those negative feelings away. Once he was all the way in, he stopped. I could feel tears running down my face. They were tears caused by love, passion and pain. I felt love for Dane before, but as our n**ed bodies joined together I felt something so deep and pure that I knew I could never go back to life before this. I always wondered if this moment would change me and it had; I felt everything in my heart and wanted nothing, but for this moment to never end.
He wiped his thumb across each side of my face and winced. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, tenderly kissing my lips.
I said the only thing that I felt in my heart at that moment. “I love you.” With that he kissed me, and began to move in and out slowly as my body adjusted to him. I ran my hands through his short hair then down his shoulders to his back. I felt consumed by him, the way he felt on me and inside of me. I had always imagined ha**ng s*x with someone I loved, but never imagined the intensity of the moment when I would give away this part of me. The pain was replaced by pleasure as our eyes locked. After several minutes of slow motions, his pace quickened before he found his release, putting his lips to mine.
“I love you,” he said, kissing my forehead.
“I love you, too.” We laid still for a couple of minutes, catching our breath and holding each other close. He moved away only to remove the condom, tying it and throwing it in a trash can near the bed. He was only gone for seconds, but I missed him. I didn’t know if I would ever be able to spend another minute away from him again.
He returned to the bed wrapping me in his arms. “Did it hurt?” he asked, brushing the hair from my face.
“It was amazing.” I reached up to plant a reassuring kiss on his lips. I couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone I didn’t truly love. Doing this with love in my heart made the whole experience beautiful, rather than painful.
“That was my first time,” he whispered a few minutes later. I propped my head up on my hand and looked him in the eyes. They were glistening as I reached up to trace the line on his forehead. I knew I was the first virgin he had ever been with. I wondered if it was painful for him and how it had compared to his other experiences.
“I know.”
“I mean it was my first time making love to anyone.” My eyes grew big and all I could do was kiss him. At that moment, he was everything I wanted and everything I needed. I fell asleep in his arms that night feeling content and loved. I didn’t care that I didn’t have clothes for class in the morning or even that I had class in the morning. Living in the moment was far better than living by a script.
I woke up the next morning, wrapped in Dane’s arms. I felt happy and content, but a little shy as I lay next to him, still completely n**ed from the night before. I always feared I’d regret my first time; that I would wake up the morning after and wish it never happened. That was a big reason it had taken me so long to get to that point; I let fear and regret rule my life. With Dane, there was no regret or fear. I was relieved that I had waited for him because I couldn’t imagine sharing that experience with anyone else. I couldn’t imagine ever doing that with anyone else.
A smile spread across my face as I thought about the night before and how tender and sweet he was. Dane may have some rough edges, but I always saw the good. I wished others could see what I saw inside him. I wished my family could meet him and not draw opinions simply by looking at him. All I knew was that I’d never felt this happy and the man lying next to me had everything to do with that.
I felt warm lips on my shoulder and smiled. I worried things would be awkward between us this morning, but his kiss was all it took to calm me. He worked his way up my neck until his mouth was right above my ear. “How are you feeling this morning?”
I shivered as his breath hit the side of my face. Everything inside me wanted a repeat of last night. I didn’t know what this man did to me, but suddenly I felt like I could never get enough of him. I turned in his arms. “I’ve never been better.”
He kissed my lips with a certain tenderness that I usually did not get from his kiss; this one was full of love and contentment. I broke away and looked right into those green eyes, which I could now see every time I closed mine. “I love you.”
I could feel him smile against my lips. “I love you too.” I didn’t waste another minute before I assaulted his lips with mine. I’d had enough of his soft kisses and all I wanted now was hungry, passionate Dane. He seemed to get the idea and used his tongue against my lips to deepen the kiss. My hands began to move down his arm and over his stomach while he pressed his hand on my lower back. I could feel him harden against me and, like a child with candy being dangled in front of me, I moved my hand down and gripped him. He tensed before grabbing my hand. “Alex, not today. You need to wait a day or two.”
Sighing, I removed my hand. “Please.”
He didn’t hesitate in his response, “No, but we can continue to do what we were doing with our lips. I kind of liked that.” I didn’t bother to reply with anything, but my lips.
Dane and I stayed in bed all morning, kissing until my lips were swollen and numb. He heard my stomach growl and insisted that we get up and have some breakfast. I thought what I was eating for breakfast was good enough, but he didn’t quite agree. “Eggs? Pancakes? Toast? What do you want?” he asked.
“Surprise me. I usually just have a latte.”
His brows furrowed. “You need to eat breakfast.”
I rolled out of bed and began looking for some clothes. “Okay, boss.”
I heard him get up from the bed and felt his arms wrap around me. “I like the sound of that. Say it again.”
“Okay, Dane,” I laughed.
He pulled me in closer to him. “That isn’t what you said.”
“Really? I can’t remember what I said.”
He trailed kisses along my jaw line. “I think you do.”
His kisses left me in a daze; I didn’t know that anything could feel that good. “I don’t remember,” I finally said.
He stopped kissing me and loosened his grip. “Okay, then go get dressed. You can borrow a pair of pants and a t-shirt, second and third drawer.”
“Okay, boss,” I replied, smiling up at him. His eyes shined with mischief as he grabbed me and threw me on the bed where he began to tickle me everywhere and anywhere with his long fingers. I hadn’t laughed so hard, well, ever and I regretted not using the bathroom before deciding to play games with my super sexy tickle monster boyfriend. “Dane, stop! I need to go to the bathroom.”
He smiled down at me. “Say it again and I’ll let you go.”
I relented, “Okay, boss, now can I please go to the bathroom?”
He stopped tickling me, grabbed my hands and pulled me up so I was standing right in front of him. He quickly kissed my forehead and stepped to the side so I could walk past; I realized he wasn’t done with me yet when he lightly smacked my ass as I walked past. I picked up my pace and quickly closed the door to the bathroom.
After using the bathroom, I decided a shower was in order. Dane was right; my body ached from the newness of last night’s activities. I started the water, letting it run a little hotter than I usually would. It felt amazing as it washed over my body. I used Dane’s soap and it made me happy to think I would get to smell like him for the remainder of the day.
I dressed in Dane’s clothes, which were a few sizes too big, and walked out to the main living area where I was greeted by the smell of bacon, coffee and maple syrup. Dane was standing over the stove with his back to me wearing grey sweat pants and a fitted white tee. I could spend hours...days staring at him, taking in every inch of his body and never get bored. He was kind, protective, decisive and more than anything he was mine and I didn’t have to be anyone but me when I was around him.
Walking up behind him, just loud enough not to scare him, I wrapped my arms around his stomach and rested my head between his shoulders. He was warm and I felt safe just being near him. When I finally lifted my head to see what he was cooking, I saw pancakes, eggs, bacon and hash browns. “Who’s going to eat all this?”
“You,” he said, placing his hand over mine.
I laughed. “I hope you have a doggy bag.”
He put down his spatula and turned, wrapping his arms around me tightly. “I love that sound.”
“What sound?” I asked. I could hear the bacon crackling in the background.
“Your laugh. You didn’t do that often when we first met. I like hearing it,” he said, leaning down to kiss the corner of my mouth.
Pulling his head to mine, I looked right into his eyes. “You make me feel things I have never felt before, you know that? I didn’t laugh because I had very little to laugh about.” I moved my hands to the back of his head and kissed him. If I could, I would spend the rest of my life showing Dane how much I appreciated him. That very thought broke me from the kiss. This was too good to be true for a reason; it couldn’t be my forever. My forever was somewhere between Hell and misery and this was just a stop in what I wanted and couldn’t have.
Dane must have sensed that I was pulling away. “Hey, stay with me. What are you thinking about?” At some point I needed to talk to him about my parents, but not today. He helped me make my life better, but this was one area that even he couldn’t fix.
“Nothing, I guess I’m just tired. Do you realize we missed class? I have never, and I mean never, missed class. What are you doing to me?” I said, smiling up at him.