She looked up at me with a question in her eyes. One I wasn’t ready to answer right now. So I picked her up and carried her to my room, kissing her as I walked and ending the conversation. But later that night, as I lay in bed after making love to her, I couldn’t help the fearful thoughts that crept into my mind.
With everything going so well between us, why am I keeping a secret from the woman I now realize I love?
chapter 13
aubrey
Last night was so amazing with Luka that it left me walking around with a shit-eating grin on my face all day. I totally understood why he’d felt the need to put walls up around his heart after what his slutty ex had done to him, but it looked like he was finally ready to let me past his guard and into his heart and not just his bed. And I wanted in there so badly. It was why I put up with all his crazy rules and possessiveness. It had always been my hope that they were signs of how much he really cared for me, and if I was patient enough, he would eventually realize that this thing between us was so much more than physical. He was my one. It only made sense that I’d be his too.
Thank God I didn’t have any tests or anything huge going on in any of my classes today. It would really suck if I ruined all the progress I’d made this year by blowing it now because I was distracted. I’d had some major concerns about having Luka tutor me, but sticking with him was the best thing that had ever happened to me. Now, I was pulling a 4.0 and in a relationship that had gone well past my usual expiration date.
I wanted to do something special for him tonight, so I ran to the grocery store after my last class and grabbed stuff to make penne with vodka sauce and grilled chicken for dinner. It wasn’t a super fancy dinner, but he needed the carbs for tomorrow’s game and would appreciate the home-cooked meal no matter what I made.
I wasn’t sure if he had everything I needed to cook tonight since we didn’t often eat in at his place, so I decided to call Lexi on my way over to Luka’s and make sure she’d be home in case I needed to borrow something. I figured my chances were pretty good since she’d seriously cut back on the Mile High Club flights she offered to help pay for school because she knew they didn’t make Drake very happy. He was more than happy to pick up any slack for her, and she’d finally set aside her pride to allow him to help her out. He was her fiancé, after all.
“Hey, what’s up?” she answered.
“You gonna be home tonight?” I asked.
“Sure am. You want to come over? Does Luka have hockey stuff to keep him busy? You know you’re always welcome,” she offered.
I did know that. Both she and Drake made sure that their relationship didn’t interfere too much in our friendship. I finally realized how tough it was to maintain that balance now that I had Luka in my life and appreciated it that much more.
“Actually, I was planning to cook for Luka tonight,” I explained. “And I may need to borrow some stuff since I’m not entirely sure what all they have in their kitchen.”
“Cooking for your man, huh?” she teased. “Things must be getting really serious for you to pull out the big guns like that. What are you gonna make?”
“Penne alla vodka,” I answered. “And yes, before you even ask, I did buy enough for your dinner too because I know how much you love it.”
“Yes! Score!” she celebrated on the other line. I could practically see her doing a fist pump at her excited tone.
“Do you mind if I bring it over to you if Jason’s not home?” I asked.
“Of course not. I’m sure you could use some alone time with Luka, especially if there’s a reason you’re making him dinner tonight,” she said, prodding for more information.
I paused for a moment, unsure of how to explain it exactly. It wasn’t often that I was at a loss for words. “I think things changed for us last night. In a good way.”
“And?” she asked.
“And I want Luka to know he can trust me with anything. That I’m here for the long haul. That I want to see where our relationship goes after we graduate,” I explained.
“Deep stuff,” she murmured.
“Well, get ready for deeper because I think I’m going to tell him that I love him,” I admitted as I parked the car. It was perfect timing because I really shouldn’t be driving while I had this serious of a conversation with Lexi, even using Bluetooth.
I heard her gasp on the other end of the line. “You haven’t told him yet?”
“Not outside of bed. I want to look him in the eyes, outside the heat of the moment, and make sure he understands how much I mean it. That it isn’t just the sex talking. I love him from the bottom of my heart, Lexi. He’s it for me,” I answered.