I wondered if I would drive him to our secret transfer place or if a driver would pick him up here in the morning. I’d save that question for later for I didn’t want to think at all about him leaving.
We climbed into the shower to wash again when Ryan’s expression turned serious.
“Taryn, I want to be honest with you. There are some things you need to know before everyone shows up tonight.”
My heart thumped in my chest, guessing that his honestly would reveal bad news. His timing was perfect though – where could I go at this very moment? I was naked and standing in a stream of water.
I looked up into his eyes; if he’s going to tell me something horrible then he’d have to face me head on.
“I just want you to know that there’s nothing going on between me and Suzanne, even though I spend a lot of time in situations with her where it seems like something could be going on.”
“I don’t know what you mean,” I said as the water pelted me in the head.
“She’s the lead in our movie, and I know you haven’t seen it, but there are a lot of scenes where I have to kiss her - but it’s just for the film. We have to be close, but I want you to know that I don’t have those kinds of feelings for her.” He stared at me intensely, monitoring my reaction.
I looked at him, confused. “What are you trying to say?”
“I think of her like a sister - a sometimes annoying sister. I’m concerned she might say something tonight that’s out of line. And I just wanted you to know - from me - that there’s nothing there.”
“Okay. So if she says something to me I should just ignore her?”
“Just take it with a grain of salt. She might be cool, but I’m thinking she’s going to say something stupid. If she says anything to you, just tell me, okay?” he said as he rinsed his face under the water.
“Okay, I will. Are you finished or do you need more time in here?” I was ready to turn the water off. I looked at him expecting an answer to my question but instead fear struck me in the chest; his face was still troubled.
“There’s something else you need to know,” he continued. I felt the blood rush from my heart as he took a hold of my hands.
“Francesca and I…” He looked down with guilt. The fear from not knowing what his confession would be knocked me for a loop. He looked me directly in the eyes when he spoke again. “It only happened once, and it was over a year ago.”
I reached behind my back and turned the water off. I had to get a bearing on the admission he just made to me. I pushed the curtain open and was just about to step out of the tub when he gently grabbed my arm.
“Taryn, look at me. I swear it was only once… and after it happened I realized it was a big mistake. I want you to know that I don’t have any feelings for her.” His expression was sincere.
“Does she have feelings for you?” I asked. Disappointment coated my whisper.
“I don’t know. Sometimes she says things… I know I should have never crossed that line with her.” His hand lifted my chin so I’d look him in the eyes. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t care if she has feelings for me or not because I don’t feel the same way. I never did. I never will.”
I stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel tightly around my body. I hoped the constriction of the towel could somehow keep my heart from cracking.
Ryan quickly wrapped a towel around his waist then grabbed my wrist, forcing me to look at him again.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you like this, but I wanted you to know – directly from me – what the truth is. I’m telling you all of this because I don’t want any secrets between us. She’s coming here tonight too and I don’t want our relationship to get...” He looked away to choose his words before looking back into my eyes.
“Taryn, I’m…” he paused to breathe out a deep sigh. “I only want you - just you. But I can’t change the mistakes that I’ve made.”
I had to make an instant decision. I could let the jealousy consume me and be angry or I could thank my lucky stars that the man standing in front of me cared enough about me to tell me the truth.
I slowly reached my hand up to place it on his cheek. The water from his hair was dripping down his face. My heart skipped a beat from just touching him and I realized that my feelings for him were way too powerful to let his past change that. For the first time in my life the man who was holding my heart in his hand was honest with me. It took a lot of courage for him to tell me what he was feeling.