Silently, Cameron walks me over to his bed and when he sits down, I follow suit. He lets go of my hand and rubs his thighs nervously.
“It was two years ago,” he starts, lifting his head to look out the window. “Almost to the day.”
I shift, crossing my legs and tucking my feet under my butt. I don’t prompt Cameron to continue, I just wait for him to find the courage.
“I was at a party at a friends house. He stays on a ranch a few miles outside of town. I didn’t really drink much, just a beer or two since I was only nineteen. My dad came by just after midnight to pick me up and decided to let me drive.”
Cameron’s face remains impassive, but it’s the rest of his body that responds to the memory currently replaying itself in his mind. His muscles are rigid, his back straight, his hands balled into fists. Still, I wait.
“It happened so fast,” he continues. His face drops and he looks down. “I didn’t even know what was happening until it was too late.” His voice is soft and I can hear the pain, and the guilt. It’s almost smothering him, clogging up his throat. This time, I bring my hand up and rub his arm, hoping it will help him to relax.
“You can tell me, Cameron,” I encourage quietly. He doesn’t look at me but I wish he would. Somehow I think he’s worried that he’ll only see judgment if he had to look at me. That’s not true. Not even close.
“Something ran in front of my dad’s truck, and I swerved, trying to avoid it. But the truck’s tire burst and we rolled, several times. I don’t remember much after that, I don’t even remember how long we were there before someone found us and called for help. When I woke up in the hospital, about three days later, they told me I had sustained a concussion, a broken arm and a cracked rib,” he laughs but it’s bitter and derisive. “I asked about my dad and it took a while before anyone told me anything. I found out that he’d sustained a severe head trauma, broken ribs, a perforated lung and a cracked hip. But what I wasn’t prepared for was the possibility that he might never wake up. And he hasn’t.”
Cameron finally turns to face me. “I’m responsible for what happened to him. I tore our family apart.”
I frown. “How could you say that? It was an accident.”
He sighs. “It should’ve been me.”
“No!” I reply. “Don’t you dare say that. It was an accident, Cam, and you can’t keep blaming yourself for what happened.”
We remain quiet and I can’t help but wonder what this has to do with us, whatever it is that we may be.
“I needed to explain,” he says, as if reading my mind. “I’ve avoided feeling anything, because I convinced myself that I didn’t deserve to be happy. When I found out you had a daughter, I freaked out because I saw it as a complication, and I really don’t need any more complications in my life.”
“Cameron - ”
“No, wait, just listen,” he interrupts. “We decided to be friends, and I thought it was the right thing to do because I didn’t want to feel anything for you. I was afraid that if I allowed that to happen then somehow I’d end up ruining you, the way I’ve ruined my family. I would never be able to live with myself if I did that.”
I swallow hard and look down. I’m almost positive he’s rejecting my again. He was so worried about me leaving after I found out about his father, but here he is, leaving me.
My voice is quiet when I respond. “I understand.”
I slide my hands away from him and into my lap. If I could, I’d get up and leave, but Cameron is my ride.
I feel him move next to me, but I don’t look up until his finger tips my chin up. “I don’t think you do,” he says in a hushed tone.
My lip trembles and I hate myself for it. Doesn’t he think I’ve had enough? Or that I can’t do this with him anymore? We’ve been playing this stupid game for weeks and I’m at my limit. I would give anything to be able to forget about him altogether and just move on, and it’s not like I haven’t tried, but there’s a magnetism between us that I can’t ignore. It’s so clichéd, and that only makes me feel worse. It’s not that I love him, or that I’m in love with him, it’s just… I don’t know. Something keeps pulling me back to him.
“Please, take me home.”
I stand up and go to leave but Cameron wraps his hand around my arm, halting me in place. “Hayley,” he starts. “I understand if this changes how you feel about me - ”
“But that’s just it,” I interrupt him. “It doesn’t.”
He stands up, holding onto my arm. “Then why do you want to leave?”
“Because,” I choke out. “I can’t stand the idea of you walking away from me again, and let’s face it, we suck at being just friends.”
His fingers brush away a stray tear and I berate myself for allowing my emotions to get the better of me. Stupid period. Stupid boy.
“Hayley, you jumped to the wrong conclusion,” he says.
“Then what did you mean exactly?”
He steps closer, until our chests are touching, and brings his hands to my face. My eyelids flutter at the feel of his fingers gently brushing over my moist skin. “If you had let me finish, I would have told you that you make me want to try.”
“Try what?” I ask, confused.
“More.”
“More?” I repeat, sounding like a broken record.
“Yes, more,” he rests his forehead against mine. “I can’t promise that I’m any good at it, but for you, Hayley, I’m willing to give it all I’ve got.”
“But what about my daughter? We’re a packaged deal.”
Cameron’s breath sweeps across my lips. “Having her doesn’t change how I feel about you.”
With a shaky voice I ask, “Are you sure about this?”
He gives me a lopsided grin, his eyes connecting with mine, and gives me the answer that has me holding my breath.
“Yes. I want the whole package.”
Chapter 13
~ Hayley ~
“Will you stop fussing with your hair?” Hannah chides, swatting my hands away. “You’re going to undo all my hard work!”
I roll my eyes, earning another slap on the shoulder. She’s spent the last hour helping me get ready for my second ‘first date’ with Cameron. After he told me about his father, it felt like something between us shifted into place, rather than out.
We’re spending Thanksgiving together the day after tomorrow, and to say that I’m nervous is an understatement. I’m meeting his mother and his sister, and I know they are the two most important people in his life, next to his father. I’m worried about what they’ll think of me, not because of Arianna, but because of how young I am to have her. I haven’t told Cameron about it though, he’s too excited for me to ruin it with my silly concerns.
But that’s tomorrow’s problem. Tonight is about us, and about figuring out where we go from here, one step at a time. I’m nervous about our date, but for a whole other reason. I’m staying over at Cameron’s house. Alone. With Cameron. Because his sister is so close to her due date, Cameron’s mother decided it was best if she stayed at their house for a few nights. Cameron actually insisted she'd go because she spends too much time cooped up at home, fussing over Cameron’s father. They have two full time nurses who take care of him so there’s no reason for her worry while she’s gone.