Janelle and I started laughing.
“Not as much money as you could get for a pair of his dirty underwear on eBay,” I mumbled.
“You both suck! You know that?” Ryan was peeling back the tape on the diaper and had to stop because we were teasing him.
“Taryn,” Nick whispered, “Gather up some of my brother’s ass-stained shorts and sell them quick so we can all go to Hawaii for Christmas.”
“You’re a dick!” Ryan looked directly at his brother. We were all laughing. “You can all just shut the hell up and get your money out!”
Janelle slapped a few wet-wipes in Ryan’s hand.
“Okay, I’m going in,” Ryan announced.
“Is that what you say to all your women?” Nick teased.
Ryan was laughing so hard he couldn’t breathe.
“Boys!” Ellen yelled. “Poor Sarah is waiting! Change her diaper already!”
“Nick, go get the scuba gear.” Ryan had tears coming out of his eyes.
“Forceps, lantern, flame thrower…” Nick spit out his words with laughter.
“Move, I’ll do it.” Janelle was getting impatient.
“No! I got this!” Ryan gasped between laughs, trying to pull himself back together.
He hesitantly pulled the diaper back, briefly exposing the green explosion that awaited clean-up.
“Oh!” Nick shouted loudly.
“Damn baby! What are they feeding you?” Ryan teased.
“Beer and eggs with a side of peas, obviously.” Nick laughed.
Janelle dove right in, cleaning up her daughter.
“Now stop. I can get it.” Ryan elbowed her out of the way. “They sell these baby wipes by the truckload, right?”
“Yeah. We buy that stuff by the pallet,” Nick volleyed, laughing. “We don’t mess around with the single tubs anymore.”
“You could always take her outside and hit her ass with the hose,” Ryan suggested.“Nah, we save that for when she’s got the shit smeared all the way up her back,” Nick answered.
“I’ll take you both outside and hit you with the hose,” Janelle warned. I couldn’t stop laughing at their banter.
Ryan had the baby all cleaned up and was wrestling with the new diaper when he told his dad and brother to pay up. He handed Sarah off to Janelle.
I was standing with my arms folded when Ryan sauntered over to me. “Next one of those is all yours.” He cracked me hard on the butt.
“Go wash your hands. It’s time for dinner,” Ellen ordered.
We were gathered at the dinner table when Nick started in on me.
“Taryn, Mom tells me you haven’t seen any of my brother’s movies.” Nick leered at me.
“I think I’m the only one on the planet who hasn’t,” I joked. “He thought I was lying when I told him that.”
Ryan kicked me under the table so I kicked him back. I clipped him right in the ankle by accident and he winced from the pain. He pinched me in retaliation.
“We should watch it tonight. Break her in.” Nick pointed his dinner fork at me.
“You can do whatever you want, but I’m not watching it,” Ryan stated firmly.
“What do you say, Taryn? You want to watch Seaside?” Nick asked. “See what a big-time actor he is?”
Ryan scoffed at his comment.
“No, that’s okay.” I knew that it would make Ryan uncomfortable. “Maybe some other time.”
“You should watch it. It’s really good!” Janelle added. “I’ve read all the books too. Then you’ll know why all the women worship him,” she said teasingly.
I looked over at Ryan and smiled. I knew why they worshipped him, but their reasons were completely different from my own.
“I’ll watch it sometime, but not tonight. Besides Nick, Ryan tells me that you’re a lousy poker player. I was curious to see if he was right.” I felt Ryan squeeze my thigh.
After we cleared dinner away, we started playing cards. Ryan was right; Nick couldn’t bluff his way out of a paper bag if his life depended on it.
Needless to say, the poker game didn’t last too long before egos got in the way.
We played a different board game, which was a lot more fun. I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. I think I fit right in with his family and their teasing, although Nick seemed harsh on Ryan sometimes.
Little Sarah was hungry and needed a bottle.
“Give her here,” Ryan requested, removing Sarah from her grandmother's arms.