Biting my lip, I ask instead, “But you’re happy, dad?” Because that’s what seems to matter now. I want my dad to be happy. I really do.
The edges of his lips finally tilt upward. “I am, Ivy. You, Leah, and the twins make me happy.”
Emotion suddenly wells in my throat again. “I’m glad. Mom would have wanted you to be happy,” I whisper the words thickly because it’s my way of saying that I forgive him for what happened. I forgive him for everything. I don’t want to hold onto this anger anymore. I want us to move on and be more of a family than we’ve been in the past.
“She would want you to be happy, too. She loved you so much, you were her everything.”
“I know.” It feels so good to finally say the words out loud. Amazingly, I actually feel lighter for it.
“And she would be so damn proud of you, of what you’re doing with your life. She would love that you’re following your dreams and not letting anything stand in your way.”
Hearing him say that has my lips tipping up. “I hope so, dad.”
“Oh sweetheart, you have to know that she would be absolutely thrilled with you getting a position with the Cincinnati Ballet. She would be bursting with pride. She always thought you had amazing talent.” He smiles. “Even when you were just three years old.”
I can’t help but chuckle. My mom was my biggest champion. My loudest cheerleader. I suppose that’s why the loss of her was so devastating. It was like a light instantly being snuffed out within me. And then there was only darkness. “Thanks for saying that.”
“It’s the truth. She was always so proud of everything you did, everything you accomplished. Of the young woman you were growing into.”
It’s funny, because my dreams of dancing with a ballet company are actually coming true and I’m finally having this amazingly candid conversation with my dad and for the first time since my mom was diagnosed with cancer, I finally feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me. Like I can finally breathe again…
And yet something is still missing.
Or rather someone...
Without Roan in my life, my dreams can’t fully be realized because without him to share them with, they don’t feel as monumental as they should.
“Dad,” I push out the words hastily before I can overthink them, “can I borrow your car? There’s something I need to take care of.”
That’s the moment I realize that I’m doing exactly what would make my mom proud… I’m following my heart.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Sources confirm that Roan’s ex-girlfriend has left Barnett. Does this mean we’ll finally get our favorite player back? The one who has all the girls on campus happily dropping their panties with one sexy smile aimed in their direction? Here’s hoping so… KingOfCampus.com
Roan
Today, like the last week and a half of my life, has definitely sucked some major ass. Thank god it’s almost over. My gym bag is slung over my shoulder because I just can’t sit around that goddamn apartment for one more moment.
Thoughts of Ivy are pounding through my brain like a vicious headache.
Well that and the fucking mistake I made in letting her go in the first place. But what else could I really do? Hold her back from making a go of her dreams?
Nah... No matter how much I love her, I couldn’t do that.
Plowing an agitated hand through my hair, I click the key fob to unlock the doors of my SUV. I swear I had to stop myself about ten different times from jumping into my truck and taking off to see her.
Of course I want her to follow her dreams, but why couldn’t we do it together?
Maybe we could somehow beat the odds and make this relationship work.
But every time those thoughts would start to gain just a little bit of traction, reality would once again come crashing down upon my head. Because letting her go, letting her pursue her dreams in Cincinnati without having to worry about me is the right thing to do.
God, but I just want her.
I’ve never wanted anyone more. I never realized just how much it could hurt to love someone. But it does. Because it forces you to put that person ahead of your own selfish wants and needs and in the end, do what’s best for them. Even if that means letting her go so she can achieve everything she was meant to.
Love sucks, man.
It sucks the big one.
So I’m heading to the gym and I’m really hoping that after a couple of hours working myself over, I’ll be exhausted enough to fall straight into bed and not think about how damn much I’m going to miss her.
How much I already miss her.
Fuck!
She’s all I can think about, all I see, all I hear…