“I missed you every single fucking minute,” I tell her earnestly, honestly. Desperately. “I can’t live without you. Nothing I did could get you out of my head. I was miserable every minute that I was gone.”
I stare at her and she stares back and I can’t read her face.
“It’s like I’m not whole when I’m not with you,” I tell her simply. “You’re a piece of me. A big piece of me. And when you’re gone, I can’t function right. I’m only half a person. I’m so sorry. I know I fucked up. I acted with dishonor. I left you. But I did what I had to do to try and keep you safe. Do you understand? Do you see?”
She looks sick as she looks away.
“I can’t believe you almost slept with someone else,” she says limply. “I was dying here, Gabe. All I could think of was you. I would never have slept with anyone else. I just wouldn’t have. I missed you too much.”
“I missed you too,” I interrupt. “God, I missed you. Every minute. I did a stupid thing, Maddy. I tried to do the only thing I could think of to finally get you out of my head. And it didn’t work. Nothing worked. But if you give me another chance, I swear to God that I won’t hurt you again. I’ll never leave you. I’ll never even look at someone else. You’re all I want.”
Without a word she gets up and walks down to the beach. She is completely silent as she stares out at the water, completely beautiful.
“Maddy?” I finally say after the minutes have ticked past. She turns to me.
“I don’t know what to say,” she admits. “I know I should tell you to leave. To never come back. But honestly, I don’t have it in me. I’m pissed, though. I’m pissed because whoever that woman was, she touched what was mine. You were almost inside of her, Gabe. And you’re mine. What am I supposed to do with that?”
I take a ragged breath. “You’re supposed to put it out of your mind, Maddy. Never think about it again. Because I didn’t want her. I only wanted you. In my head, it was your face I saw. Your eyes. Your smell. Your hands touching me. Please forgive me, Madison. I don’t deserve you. That much is true. But all I want is you. And if I can’t have you, then I don’t want anyone.”
A tear slips down her cheek and she squeezes her eyes shut. I don’t know what to do. I want to grab her, to pull her to me, to never let her out of my sight again, but I don’t know what she wants me to do.
After a minute she opens her eyes.
“Gabriel?” Her voice is small.
“Yes?”
“Open your arms.”
So I do.
I open them wide and she folds into them, burying her face into my chest, and I do what I’ve wanted to do for two weeks. I hold her tight. I breathe in the smell of her hair, I run my hands over the slender expanse of her back.
I tilt her chin up and kiss her mouth, crushing her soft lips with my own.
After a breathless minute she pulls away and stares at me.
“Don’t leave me again.”
I nod, scooping her up into my arms, and carry her into the house.
* * *
Madison
This is real.
That’s the only thing I can think of as Gabriel carries me into the house and into the bedroom. This is real and Gabriel is here.
I’m not sure what I should be feeling right now, whether I’m letting him off too easily or whether I should try to be standoffish. All I know is I can’t.
Because whatever happened tortured him.
I can see that on his face and it breaks my heart.
And I know that I need him.
I look at him, and for some reason, all the leftover feelings… the being mad at him, the hurt, the fear… it all fades away. I know what’s important now.
Him and me. That’s it.
That’s all that matters. We can sort everything else out.
“I never stopped trusting you,” I tell him honestly. “Not really. When I first realized you were gone, I was pissed. And hurt. But I figured out why you left pretty quickly. And then I was pissed again. But I always trusted that you thought you were doing the right thing.”
He stares at me, his rugged face pensive. “All I want is you,” he tells me quietly. “I promise you. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry that our path has been twisted and hard. But I want you to know… thinking about you gave me the strength to stick it out at CPT. In the back of my head, I always held out the hope that if I could fix me, then we could fix us.”
I swallow hard. “That was in the back of my mind too. Even when I was pissed at you. Even when I hated you.”
He looks at me, his eyes so stormy. “Don’t hate me, Maddy. I can deal with anything else the world throws at me, but I can’t deal with that. I love you. I’ve known it for a while and I was afraid to say it. I’m not sure that I’m fixed, but I’m sure as hell headed in the right direction. I won’t ever hurt you again—I won’t let it happen. I need for you to know that.”
“I know,” I whisper, pulling him close and clinging to him tight. “I need you, Gabe.”
He swallows. “I need you, too.”
“Then show me,” I whisper.
Without a word he eases me backward onto the bed, covering my body with his own. I’ve missed his weight, the way his body slides against mine just right, pressing into me.
“I missed you,” he says, right before he kisses me. His tongue delves into my mouth and he tastes like spearmint.
He kisses me soft, he kisses me hard, then he groans and fucks my mouth with his tongue, ravaging it like he can’t control himself because he’s missed me that much.