It’s him.
He’s here.
My heart leaps out of its dormant sleep, out of the numb confines of my chest, and lodges in my throat as I catch and hold his gaze.
His is stormy and black, as black as night, as black as always.
It doesn’t stray from mine, it holds there, like an invisible ribbon is holding us together. My heart pounds hard and I feel such utter relief at seeing him. Even though I want to hate him, even though I want to be furious at him, to rage against him, all I can feel is relief.
Because he’s here.
“He came,” Mila whispers. I nod without saying a word, without breaking Gabe’s gaze. Brand is behind him, both of them wearing their army dress uniforms. They look breathtaking as they file into a pew with Jacey, their hats in their hands as they sit staring ahead, stiff and straight and dignified.
Even though Gabe isn’t looking at me now, the ribbon holding us together is still there, as strong as ever. It’s like a thousand volts of electricity are rippling through the air, from him to me.
But then the service starts and I force my attention from him to where it belongs… to honor the man who became my surrogate father, better in so many ways than my real one.
“Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the life of Tony Romano. A husband, a father, a friend…”
My eyes well up and I press a tissue to the corners as the pastor’s voice drones on. I am acutely aware of Maria sobbing silently next to me, of Pax’s arm wrapped around Mila, of the flowers, of the urn, of the mourning people.
I’m acutely aware of it all, but it’s still as though I’m suspended. Distant. It’s like I’m watching it all through a veil.
That’s what I have to do so I don’t fall apart.
That’s what I always do. I retreat behind a wall.
The seconds turn into minutes, then an hour. And just when I think it’s over, Gabe stands up. I look at him in confusion, not sure what’s going on.
But he strides to the front with purpose, a white paper in his hand.
He murmurs a few words to the pastor, then the pastor turns to us.
“Lt. Gabriel Vincent would like to say a few words.”
Holy shit. My heart slams. What the hell?
Mila and I glance at each other briefly, but my attention is immediately and completely consumed by Gabriel. He owns thelectern, he owns the room.
He owns me.
No matter what happened or what will ever happen. He owns me. I know that now. I know it as I listen to his husky deep voice speak, as he turns to find me in the crowd, as his gaze holds mine.
Dark, stormy and black.
“I didn’t know Tony all that well,” he admits to the mourners. “We weren’t close friends, because I didn’t have time to really get to know him. But from what I saw, I know that given time, we’d have become very close. He embodied values that I hold important. Strength, integrity, honesty. Most importantly, he was loyal. He took care of those close to him in a fierce and powerful way. He took care of my sister, Jacey, which is something I’ll be forever grateful for. He took care of her when I couldn’t be here to do it myself.”
Gabe pauses for a deep breath and I find that I can’t breathe. Somehow, in just a few sentences, Gabe is managing to drill down to the core of who Tony was in a way that the pastor hasn’t been able to in an hour. I can’t take my eyes off him, at the way he’s standing at attention, at the way he’s so sincere. This isn’t a show. This isn’t an act. This is a display of raw gratitude. I swallow as he continues.
“I don’t want to take up a lot of your time today, but I just wanted to honor Tony in my own way, to thank him for protecting my sister, and for taking care of Mila and Maddy all of these years. As you can see, I’m an Army Ranger. Or I was. And I can tell you that I’ve seen my share of heroes over the years. And there is one thing that I can tell you… Tony Romano was a hero. I didn’t know him well, but I do know that.”
He steps away from the lectern and makes his way back to his seat, striding tall and confidently. I finally catch my breath and then he looks at me, taking it away again.
His words were so beautiful that I just want to cry again. I never thought he could be so eloquent. But he was. And he said the exact perfect thing.
The ushers come to let everyone out, row by row, and I’m caught up in talking to Maria, to Sophia, to Mila and Pax and the people sitting behind us. When I turn around again, Gabriel, Brand and Jacey are gone.
I sigh.
“That was beautiful,” Mila tells me knowingly, her green eyes staring into mine. “You need to go find him.”
“I don’t know,” I tell her hesitantly. “He still left me, Mila. This doesn’t change anything.”
She stares at me incredulously. “Madison. He left to get help. He came back. He’s here. Anyone in this room can feel how much he loves you when he looks at you. Trust me. It changes everything.”
I swallow hard, all the emotions of the day threatening to overwhelm me.
“We need to get you home,” I tell her, refusing to answer that. “Maria is going to spread Tony’s ashes another day. There’s no way you’re staying for the dinner.”
“Don’t leave Maria,” Mila tells me firmly. “You stay. I’ll have Pax take me home and then he can come back and get you. She needs you.”
I nod. “OK. If Pax doesn’t mind.”
“I don’t,” he reassures me from behind Mila. “Call me when you’re ready.”
He rolls my sister away and I thread through the masses of people to make my way downstairs to the dinner. A hand darts out and grabs me, though, pulling me into an alcove.
Jacey.
“I’m sorry, Madison,” she tells me tearfully. “Please believe me. I hate it that you’re upset with me. I hate it that you think it’s my fault. I know it’s my fault. I feel so guilty being here, but I couldn’t stay away. I had to see Tony off.”
A lump forms in my throat again and I can’t help but hug her. Her eyes are just so sad.
“I know,” I murmur into her hair. “I know that it’s not your fault. You made a stupid decision, but this was Jared’s fault. I was just upset the other day. I’m sorry.”