They were all looking at me with concern and curiosity, all except Jamie, who held questions in his eyes and that anger I feared, it was there. I could see it. And I was standing in front of him sobbing with a pie in my hand and half of my makeup running down my face.
“Right. Let’s eat before the lasagna gets cold,” Brian suggested, his deep voice giving off a tone that said this wasn’t a suggestion. It needed to happen.
“Momma, why is Ms. Tori crying?” Olivia asked her mother.
“Liv, now. Let’s go,” Brian insisted.
“She almost dropped her pie. Wouldn’t that have been terrible?” Syd threw out as an answer, walking toward the group and leaving me where I stood.
Olivia’s eyes bugged out. She nodded quickly while everyone else wore faces saying they knew that wasn’t the reason. Everyone except Oliver, who had his eyes on the game in his hands, and Cameron, who was too little to pick up on that kind of stuff.
“Come on. Uncle Brian is right. Let’s get started.” Syd held her arms out as if she was trying to herd the group. “Nobody likes reheated lasagna.”
Everyone except Jamie filed out of the room and into the kitchen. He didn’t move.
Hands in his front pockets, he stood there staring at me, and I thought I saw that anger and coldness slipping away and melting to something warmer, something that said he understood why I was here and what I was feeling, but then he turned and left the room, disappearing into the kitchen with everyone else.
My lips parted on a gasp. I felt more tears build behind my lashes.
He left me. Walked right out of the room. He left me.
Jamie wasn’t staying around to hear me out. He didn’t want to. It was too late, and that could’ve made me angry or upset me further, but I understood it.
I walked out first. Now it was his turn.
And right then, feeling that realization hit me, I could’ve left. I could’ve given up. Cried at home in the shirt of his I stole. I was close to doing that.
But then my feet were carrying me into the kitchen and I was coming to a stop at the island, scanning the faces at the table and looking for Jamie’s, then not finding it.
“Where,” I started to question, but movement caught my eye and I turned my head just as Jamie came walking around the fridge.
He halted seeing me.
I carefully set my late nana’s pie plate down on the counter, quickly wiped at my mess of a face, then after doing that, stuck my hand on my hip and flattened the other on the marble.
“I love you,” I began, watching Jamie’s brows lift and hearing the soft, emotional gasps of Syd and most likely Jenna and Kali, but knowing for sure Syd was giving one without even looking to verify. “I know you’re always having to ask me, and half the time I’m denying it because that’s our thing, but you don’t love me any more than I love you. I love you just as much, Jamie. Whole heart. Forever. Deep in my soft. It’s there. I love you. And it terrifies me.”
Jamie’s brows relaxed. He took a step closer.
I held my hand up, stopping him.
“I’ve been scared since I first saw you, because I was seeing you, you know?” I lowered my hand to my side and watched his jaw twitch. “I thought I knew the kind of guy you were when you laughed at my relationship with Wes. I had you pegged. I didn’t want anything to do with you because I thought you were that guy, Jamie. But then you would do things like slash those tires or be good to my girl or make promises to me and keep them, and then I was scared because I didn’t know what guy you were. I didn’t know if I could believe what you would say to me or how you would make me feel. I didn’t want to be stupid. I didn’t want to fall for this guy who acted like I meant something to him and who would say things to me that I would think about for hours after he left. I didn’t want you to hurt me. I was scared. That’s why I fought it. Then I stopped fighting it. I stopped because I knew who you were. My heart knew exactly which guy you were. It still knows and that …” I shook my head, laughing a little. “That scares me the most. Not because I worry you might hurt me but because I know I will never get over it. Not after nine days. Not after forever. I will never get over you.”
Jamie inhaled a breath through his nose. His nostrils flared. Then he took another step toward me.
“Hold on. I want to get this out,” I said quietly, lifting my hand again. “Please. I know you don’t want to hear me right now. I know you’re mad at me and maybe I don’t even deserve to be heard and that’s why you left me in there, but I—”
“Went to grab you some tissues,” Jamie interrupted.
I blinked. My mouth snapped close and I looked down at the hand at Jamie’s side. White tissue was peeking out of his fist.
The powder room. He’d been coming from the powder room.
“What?” I questioned, looking into his eyes. “Why?”
“Got shit all over your face, babe,” Jamie informed me. “Black on your cheeks. Figured I’d help you out. I was coming back out there but you followed.”
“Can we watch the language, please?” Jenna asked.
“Shh,” someone said in response, sounding like Syd again since this was something I knew she was heavily invested in, but it was a shh so I couldn’t be sure.
“You were gonna hear me out?” I asked Jamie, ignoring everyone else.
“Yeah.”
“You aren’t mad at me?”