I just looked down, shrugging a bit. I was caught in such a weird place. Part of me wanted to run to Reed just to be with him more, while I had him. But there was this other part of me that was terrified of how Millie would probably make me feel, and I didn’t know if I wanted to feel like that on Christmas.
“You know you can go if you want to, right? You won’t hurt our feelings, sweetie, if that’s what you’re worried about,” my mom said, reaching around my shoulder and pulling me in for a squeeze.
“Thanks, Mom,” I said, thinking more. “I just hate to miss out here, though, you know?”
“Oh, you’re not missing out. Your dad will doze off in the chair in another hour while your grandmother and I will clean the kitchen top to bottom and sit on the porch gossiping about her neighbors and the ladies I work with. Mike is going to speed out of here the second you leave to get back to his girlfriend, and you already made grandpa’s day at the pool table.”
I just smiled at her, still considering, and uneasy about going. “I’m really going to miss him,” I said, admitting out loud for the first time ever my fears over Reed to my mom. She just looked at me puzzled, not sure what I was talking about. “Reed’s…well, he’s probably going to get drafted this year. He could go anywhere, really. And I’ll be stuck here, in college.” I threw in the college part not wanting to let on my fear that I’d, in fact, be stuck in the literal here, back at home, going to some junior college without hope of ever becoming anything.
My mom was quiet, her eyes falling now to show her understanding. She smiled softly and patted my hands. “Honey, that boy loves you. He loves you like nothing I’ve ever seen. If that’s what you’re worried about, well, let me just put a stop to that for you right here and now,” she was giving me her best pep talk. And it might work if I didn’t think that she was just doing her duty. I appreciated it nonetheless.
“Thanks,” I just smiled back. I took a deep breath and resolved myself to make the most of the moment. I texted Reed that I’d love to join them, and then held my breath, waiting for him to write back. He finally did, saying that he’d pick me up in an hour, which meant I had an hour left to pretend I didn’t have any worries in the world. I found my grandpa and challenged him to a few more rounds of nine ball, escaping my problems for a little while longer.
Reed hugged everyone in my family when he came to pick me up, even Mike. My family adored him—even my grandpa, who was truly a tough emotional nut to crack. Seeing how they all took Reed in made me feel proud of my family. We were simple and we didn’t have fancy parties or give expensive gifts, but we loved with our whole hearts and without reservations or prejudice.
Millie’s house was only 30 minutes or so away from my grandparents, so the ride was quick. I told Reed about the things my family had given me, and even put on my new knitted hat, which was a bit too tight, but I’d never let my grandmother know. When we pulled into the driveway, my breath caught, causing Reed to reach over and squeeze my hand. He knew how little I enjoyed being in Millie’s company.
When he came around to help me from the Jeep, he stopped me in front of the door, holding both of my hands. “I think my mom is trying,” he said, looking me in the eyes. It was strange for him to admit, even in this small way, to the way his mother treated me. And having him understand actually meant more to me than Millie being nice. I leaned forward and kissed him softly.
“Thank you,” I said, my words more for him, than his mother.
He took my hand, and we walked up the drive through her enormous front door. I followed Reed through the foyer, to the large sitting room. I noticed Dylan and Jason sitting outside on the patio through the large wall of windows. I didn’t think Dylan would be here, given what Jason had said during his fight with Reed yesterday, so I was surprised to see them holding hands and looking at each other across the table.
I just pointed at them and nudged Reed. “What’s up with that?” I asked.
“Hmmmmm, well…Jason’s trying, too,” he said, his face forming a hard smile, and his brow heavy.
As we approached the patio door, I watched Dylan and Jason stand to talk with Sam and Millie, and the way Millie grabbed Dylan’s hand and kissed her cheek like she was her own daughter had me swallowing hard on my own pride. That’s all I wanted. It made me sick to admit it, but I’d give anything for Reed’s mother to show me just half of the acceptance and affection she did Dylan.
I found myself suddenly wishing for super powers—invisibility, flight, time-freezing. Anything that would get me out of this place right here and now would be fine by me. I was smiling a little at my thoughts, when Millie’s curt greeting jostled me to attention. “Nolan, dear. So good to see you,” she said, leaning into me awkwardly to kiss at the air next to my cheeks. I froze at her movement and bunched my forehead, stepping back a little, almost embarrassed for her.