By the time I finally woke up Friday, I only had a few hours to spare before Trig and I had to get ready for practice. He must have come to a lot earlier than I did, because he stuck a Post-It on my forehead telling me he took off to the main hall for food and would just catch me at practice.
The entire last 24 hours felt like a damned nightmare. If it weren’t for my god-awful raging headache, and the fact that the stupid ring was sitting on my night table staring at me, I might have been able to convince myself I’d dreamt it all.
After guzzling from the gallon of water we kept cold in our mini fridge, I forced myself to dig my phone out from my pocket. And there it was, staring at me—an undoubtedly minutes-long voicemail from Nolan. That stupid flashing green light was giving me the middle finger, over and over again. I’d listen to it, but not now. “Maybe after practice,” I thought. Instead, I slid open the text from Sean.
First of all, dude, you can’t just drop something like that on me without more to go on. WTF? Second, I’m around all day. Just waiting on Becky to finish a midterm and hanging out around the apartment all morning. Call me when you’re done lovin’ on the toilet ; - )
I missed Sean. He was, in so many ways, the brother I wished I had. Everything about him was good. When I decided to grow up, I told myself I would try to be more like Sean. I always thought it was a damned miracle Noles picked me over him in high school. And an even bigger miracle that he didn’t f**king hate me for it, too.
It was almost 2 p.m., and I was pretty sure he’d be gone, but I gave him a try anyhow. I was about to hang up and just shoot him a text when I heard him answer, breathless.
“Yo, what’s up man?” he asked, still breathing hard.
“Hey, sorry. I was a little late getting started today. Did I…interrupt something?” I teased him. He and Becky were living together, and I’d caught him more than once trying to talk to me while Becky was distracting him.
“No, dumb ass. I was just lifting weights out on the balcony. Not all of us get personal trainers and shit to keep up our workouts,” he gave it right back to me.
We bantered back and forth for a few minutes on nothing important, and then finally settled into the serious stuff. I brought Sean up to speed, and then sat there silent while he thought about things and got over the shock of it all. I knew it would hit Sean pretty hard, too—one, because he was truly a brother to me; and two, because he loved Nolan almost as much as I did.
“Okay, so let me just ask you this…what is it you really want?” he started.
I thought about it for a few seconds, not really sure how to answer that question.
“What do you mean? Like, do I wish I could go back to that hour before I drove to her campus, and didn’t know she kissed that ass**le? Yes. Or better yet, do I want to go back even more, before she kissed him at all, and just show up magically and stop it all? Yes. But that’s stupid…and I feel like,” I swallowed, knowing what I was about to say rung a little with truth. “I feel like maybe it would have just happened at some point anyway. Like I would have just been putting it off, the inevitable, know what I mean?”
Sean just sighed. I could almost see him nodding through the phone.
“I’m right, aren’t I?” I said quietly.
“Reed, I don’t know. But I think maybe this kiss is just the tip of your problems,” he was laying it out straight. “But…and I mean this…I don’t think you’re ready to quit on what you two have. You love her. Like, really love her. You always have, and you know it. You need to talk.”
I took in a deep breath and lay flat on my bed again, staring at that same stupid dot on my ceiling that I’d been looking at since yesterday. “Yeah, I know. You’re right. You always are, dick head,” I joked, trying to lighten the situation, and my miserable-ass mood. I was pretty sure I was heading to ASU after practice. Some things just weren’t meant to be said over-the-phone.
Chapter 8
Nolan
Somehow, I kept managing to find new lows. I was working on maybe two hours of sleep over the last 48 hours, and it was starting to make me paranoid and full of anxiety—something which I already had a tough time managing with ample amounts of sleep and low stress.
When Reed shut the door on me yesterday, I crumbled. I sat there in the stairwell sobbing for an hour. And when I made it back up to my room, I just kept going. I ignored Sarah and Sienna for the entire day, just texting them that I was busy, putting them off. I wasn’t ready for their dose of advice. And worse, I wasn’t ready for Sarah to be pissed off at me. I knew she would be.