“Alright, I get it. Your ball is safe from my wrath. But just so you know, I’m going to hold this against you for a long time,” she tells me with a pat on my back.
“I wouldn’t expect any less. I just need you to do one more little favor for me.”
“What now? My first born, a pint of blood, one of my limbs? I’ve already given so much!” she wails in mock horror.
“Oh quit being such a drama queen. I already told you I appreciated your help so cut the shit out. I just need you to get Claire out of the store for about an hour. Can you do that?” I ask.
“No problem. I have this raging yeast infection from having too much sex in our hot tub. I’ll tell Claire she needs to come to the pharmacy with me and help me pick out the right YEAST INFECTION cream,” she says, putting the emphasis on the words that make my skin crawl.
“Liz, too much information,” I say with a grimace.
“But it’s really yeasty. I could make a loaf of bread with this shit.”
“OH MY GOD! Cut it out. I’m going to puke,” I tell her.
Liz laughs as she walks around the counter to go out front and talk to Claire.
“Payback is a bitch. And YEAST INFECTIONS really itch,” she yells back to me with another laugh.
I try to block the last few minutes of conversation from my mind as I get to work planning how this will go down. Claire sticks her head into the kitchen doorway a little while later to tell me she was running to the store with Liz. I can’t help but laugh a little when she whispers, “She’s got an issue. And she needs my help. It’s…an issue. I’ll be back soon.”
Right after she disappears from sight, Liz pops her head in to give me one more parting shot.
“Say ‘bacterial vaginosis is delicious’. SAY IT!”
~
I honestly don’t remember a time when I’ve been this nervous. I would have taken a minute to run to the bathroom and throw up the contents of my stomach, but I just heard the bell over the door of the shop ring and knew Claire was back.
I take my place at one end of the kitchen island and wait.
Claire walks through the doorway seconds later and stops, a look of confusion on her face as she takes in the sight before her.
“Um, why are there red Solo cups all over the counter?” she asks.
“I thought we could take a trip down memory lane and play a little beer pong,” I tell her with a grin.
She walks further into the room.
“Nice sentiment and all but I don’t I want our child to be born a pot head and a drunk.”
I laugh and pick up the empty milk jug for her to see.
“Technically, this is milk pong.”
She laughs when she gets to the other end of the island and glances into the cup closest to her.
“Ahhh gotcha. If I remember correctly, I kicked your ass the last time we played,” she says with a smile.
“Oh I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure all of the ass kicking was done by me. You sucked at beer pong.”
“Lies! Not only were Liz and I the lap dance champions in our dorm, we were also beer pong champions,” she told me with a satisfied smirk.
“Wait, what?”
She laughs again and shakes her head at me. “I know I told you this story.”
“No, I’m pretty sure I would remember every part of a story that involved you and lap dancing,” I argue.
“Liz and I used to do lap dances on each other for free beers at the college bars. I was a little bendier then so I was usually the one on top,” she says nonchalantly.
Claire, bendy, girl lap dances…my penis exploded. That JUST happened.
“Promise me I will get to see this someday very soon,” I tell her.
“Yeah, okay. Because pregnant chick lap dances are so hot.” She chuckles.
“I don’t think you understand how serious I am right now, Claire. This is right up there with meeting God and winning the lottery.”
Seeing her happy and smiling confirms my decision to do this right now, this exact way. If only I could get the image of Claire grinding on another woman out of my head.
Damn you, penis, you aren’t in charge tonight! Take a break, go back to sleep, nothing to see here.
“As much as it pains me to say this, the lap dance can wait, but you’re going to have to prove to me right now that you’ve still got it in beer pong. The ping pong balls are right in front of you. Put your ball where your mouth is.”
She raises her eyebrow at me.
“Hmmm, that didn’t come out right. But I kind of like it,” I tell her with a shrug.
She picks up one of the balls and lines up her shot. It bounces off the rim of the first cup and lands in one behind it.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” she taunts as I remove the ball from the cup and drink the milk.
I set the empty cup to the side, pick up my own ball and take aim while trying to keep my hand from shaking. I know I need to make as many shots as I can for this to work out the way I want it to. I toss the ball and it sinks right in the cup closest to her. I let out a huge sigh as she removes the ball and picked up the cup.
“Lucky shot,” she tells me before downing the milk.
“I love you more than I ever thought was possible,” I tell her softly as she sets the cup down. She cocks her head to the side and smiles at me.
I pick up another ball and quickly throw it before she could say anything back to me. It sinks into another cup right in front of her. As she picks up the cup to drink it, I speak again.